I’m pregnant but he doesn’t think we’re ready

Rxr2915 · 2022-02-10T12:05:50+00:00

So following my other post- I’m now 6/7 weeks pregnant and it was a shock I’ve been taking the pill regularly same time blah for 5 months so it’s a total unplanned shock. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t want to get rid or have it and have him or her adopted. Boyfriend thinks we’re not ready. No we’re not I agree but I don’t feel right aborting either. Just cause it was easy this time doesn’t mean it will be next time to have one and when is a good time for a baby- probably never unless your a millionaire with no work and family commitments and all the support in the universe of which very few people are and we certainly aren’t. I have a scan/ discussion of options on the 22nd but I can’t kill my baby especially if the scan reveals there’s no reason-I.e ectopic obvious mum baby health issues. Is that selfish? I don’t know just feel sad about the whole thing cause I have a good job house etc and yes it’s shit timing for us but it’s not the baby’s fault the pill failed and neither is it ours or just is what it is. Rambling thread over- any advice anyone??

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HelloPanda12 · 10/02/2022 15:12

It sounds as though you have your mind made up, please don’t feel guilty for that. There’s never really a perfect time to have a baby in my opinion. I’m due next month and when I first got pregnant I was in a great financial place in my life and then got laid off before notifying work that I was pregnant. Didn’t manage to find work elsewhere and have been unemployed since August. Not in the most amazing position myself now but my fiancé has recently started a new higher paying job that has really helped us. Still not the ideal situation for us but there is no doubt in our capability to raise this baby. What I’m trying to say is that babies really can’t be planned around, life will always throw something your way. As long as they’re fed, loved and warm at night there should be no guilt in keeping it. And in the same sense there should be no guilt in abortion if that is the path you end up taking.

MsPavlichenko · 10/02/2022 15:15

It is entirely your decision, but you need to face up to the possibility you may end up parenting alone.

Terminating a pregnancy is not killing a baby .

mathanxiety · 10/02/2022 15:37

If a man isn't ready for a baby then the man needs to make sure he doesn't father one.

Nobody is ever ready for a baby.

Best wishes to you. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy.

Original poster

Rxr2915 · 10/02/2022 15:41

@HelloPanda12

It sounds as though you have your mind made up, please don’t feel guilty for that. There’s never really a perfect time to have a baby in my opinion. I’m due next month and when I first got pregnant I was in a great financial place in my life and then got laid off before notifying work that I was pregnant. Didn’t manage to find work elsewhere and have been unemployed since August. Not in the most amazing position myself now but my fiancé has recently started a new higher paying job that has really helped us. Still not the ideal situation for us but there is no doubt in our capability to raise this baby. What I’m trying to say is that babies really can’t be planned around, life will always throw something your way. As long as they’re fed, loved and warm at night there should be no guilt in keeping it. And in the same sense there should be no guilt in abortion if that is the path you end up taking.

That’s kind of my thoughts too

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MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2022 15:42

Your OP is a mess of reasons. Breathe. Stop rationalising with selfish/killing babies stuff. It's all emotional appeals when he feels emotional in the other direction.

Logically, you want to continue the pregnancy. He doesn't. You have the means to support a child. It's your body so you make the decision. Nothing else really matters.

He can leave, stay, whatever. But he doesn't get to vote on what you do with your body.

Danikm151 · 10/02/2022 15:42

There is never a good time to have a baby.
but you know early and have time to prepare/adjust to the idea. It's a big shock to the system but when baby comes along, it's as if they were always there.

Your body, your choice. if he decides he doesn't want a part in that, that's his choice.

Original poster

Rxr2915 · 10/02/2022 15:42

@MsPavlichenko

It is entirely your decision, but you need to face up to the possibility you may end up parenting alone.

Terminating a pregnancy is not killing a baby .

I appreciate that some people feel like it isn’t I never thought I would but I can’t even get a scan or appointment till I’m 10 weeks at which point it is so far developed I feel that I am

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Original poster

Rxr2915 · 10/02/2022 15:43

@Danikm151

There is never a good time to have a baby. but you know early and have time to prepare/adjust to the idea. It's a big shock to the system but when baby comes along, it's as if they were always there.

Your body, your choice. if he decides he doesn't want a part in that, that's his choice.

I know. I wouldn’t force him to stay with me or be involved if he didn’t want too but I don’t feel I can live with the guilt if I did do that at all.

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GalactatingGoddess · 10/02/2022 15:45

Is there a reason why your partner doesn't feel that now is a good time?

What is the work/finance/living situation? Are you both quite young, have you had a relationship for a while? These are all factors that will either support or make it harder and should be considered when you're planning a life for you and baby.

Also, if you want to keep the baby then you keep it and don't have to rationalise away, but depending on your circumstances do get as prepared as you can as it is a big shock to the system even when it's the 'right time'. X

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2022 15:49

Do you actually want a baby? Actively want it. Because you keep talking about guilt. Guilt is a very very bad reason to have a child. Imagine saying to a child (I know you wouldn't but) 'I had you because I was too guilty to have an abortion'.

Do you want a child, now?

Original poster

Rxr2915 · 10/02/2022 15:52

@GalactatingGoddess

Is there a reason why your partner doesn't feel that now is a good time?

What is the work/finance/living situation? Are you both quite young, have you had a relationship for a while? These are all factors that will either support or make it harder and should be considered when you're planning a life for you and baby.

Also, if you want to keep the baby then you keep it and don't have to rationalise away, but depending on your circumstances do get as prepared as you can as it is a big shock to the system even when it's the 'right time'. X

Reasons; He doesn’t have a great job he gets about 17k a year but I earn a lot more we’re financially very stable and I have a lot of savings anyway We’re 29 and 30 so age isn’t really an issue and for me- when is going to be good? My mums 70 as is so for me now age wise is fine No we’ve not been together like this long but we’ve been best friends since we were 12

So for me I’m like if not now with who I know is a good guy regardless if I’m with him or not then when- his family are lovely and supportive too

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Original poster

Rxr2915 · 10/02/2022 15:53

@MrsTerryPratchett

Do you actually want a baby? Actively want it. Because you keep talking about guilt. Guilt is a very very bad reason to have a child. Imagine saying to a child (I know you wouldn't but) 'I had you because I was too guilty to have an abortion'.

Do you want a child, now?

Well it wasn’t in my universe previously I’ve only been with women so I’ve not thought of it

I have been a step mom before and desperately miss having children and so yea I would even though they can be a total pain/ financial burden blah blah

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MothExterminator · 10/02/2022 16:04

OP, if you earn a lot more and you have savings, you can afford the baby. On your own. If you want to.

You need to think of whether you want the baby or not (and maybe you have already decided). Then your boyfriend can decide if he wants to say with his (slightly less high income) girlfriend or not.

How would you feel in your relationship if you aborted the baby and then your boyfriend and you broke up? Or if you stayed together - would you resent him or not?

Mo1911 · 10/02/2022 16:09

You sound as though you're ready even if he isn't. There's never a perfect time!!

You're baby is growing and developing by the day, enjoy every second. 💐

Original poster

Rxr2915 · 10/02/2022 16:11

@MothExterminator

OP, if you earn a lot more and you have savings, you can afford the baby. On your own. If you want to.

You need to think of whether you want the baby or not (and maybe you have already decided). Then your boyfriend can decide if he wants to say with his (slightly less high income) girlfriend or not.

How would you feel in your relationship if you aborted the baby and then your boyfriend and you broke up? Or if you stayed together - would you resent him or not?

I know! This is the other thing- he might leave me if I keep I would probably resent him and could have managed on my own

Just a crap situation really- just wish he would be a bit more grown up about it.

Yes it’s a whoopsie but we’re here now… he has said your body your choice but the total “we’re not ready” is annoying me.

We both took the risk effectively so here we are he’s not pressuring me to be fair but I know he’d prefer it disappeared but it’s not going too is it and the longer it’s been left the worse it is for me anyway.

Rambling again sorry think I’m just having a moment just didn’t appreciate him being ao “we’re not ready” to the doctor - replace we with I please if you know what I mean x

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