Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

When to tell friends and family?

16 replies

MontyFALD · 07/02/2022 15:33

Now I know there's no definitive answer for this and it's all personal preference but would love to know your answers!

I have had past MCs and this is the furthest I have gotten (11+4) my 12 week scan is in 3 days!
My DH wants to tell everyone straight after 12 week scan.
I want to wait for the results of 12 weeks scan (due to increased risk of Downs Syndrome)

My DH says regardless of any outcome they would be happy to support us :)

Let me know how and when you let the big secret out!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BonnieConnie · 07/02/2022 15:39

Isn't that the same time? You'll get the 'results' right away.

Squiff70 · 07/02/2022 15:39

I'm also 11+4 today and not ready to tell friends and family yet, although my two closest friends do know. I have my 12 week scan a week on Wednesday at 12+6 and like you I'll probably wait for the blood results before even considering telling people. I suspect my parents have already worked it out but they haven't said anything.

SummerHouse · 07/02/2022 15:42

I would wait for results. Congratulations!

twoladsnow · 07/02/2022 15:48

@BonnieConnie

Isn't that the same time? You'll get the 'results' right away.

Some trusts send the blood results later after the scan, stupidly

Mommabear20 · 07/02/2022 15:57

We told our parents at around 6 weeks as we knew if the worst should happen we'd want them around for support which they understood. In your situation, if you've waited this long, I'd wait for your results to come back and then tell them knowing all the facts 😊

Congratulations though!

Carebear99 · 07/02/2022 16:08

I'm having a private nipt at 10w1d next week. Then the nhs scan at 11w5d. If both go well I'll tell people then

Miller2021 · 07/02/2022 16:23

Hopefully you won't have to wait long for the blood test results to arrive. It's different in different areas - in mine, I had the 12-week scan (the sonographer told me that everything was looking good, gave the result of the NT measurement, but urged me not to take that as a definitive "everything's fine" until the bloods had come back), and then I was told that I would get a phone call "within 48 hours" if the bloods showed anything concerning, but the full results would arrive with me in about a week.

The scan was on a Thursday, I heard nothing over the next couple of days, and received the full report on the Sunday (3 days later).

Both sets of parents (future grandparents) already knew I was pregnant so we updated them after the scan, but we waited for a couple of days before telling anyone else, just in case there were any big decisions to make and we needed clear heads without anyone else giving their advice. That's just how we prefer to operate - your mileage may vary.

If your DH is excited to tell people straight away but you're not, it may only be a case of waiting a couple of days - put your foot down. Do it when you're both ready.

Cakecakecheese · 07/02/2022 16:28

I had my scan today and have started to tell people. I'm 13 weeks and was starting to struggle to hide it really.

But yeah go with when you feel most comfortable.

wishuponastar1988 · 07/02/2022 18:01

I told my parents, brother and SIL when I first found out at about 5 weeks but asked them to keep quiet. I then told a close friend and work at 10 weeks (only my manager because I do a risky job and needed to let her know so I could be safe doing visits etc). I told a couple more friends after my 12 week scan - I'm 14+1 now and will probably tell more people after my gender scan. It doesn't feel real at all!!!

wishuponastar1988 · 07/02/2022 18:02

Oh sorry and to add I had the screening at my 12 week scan - sonographer said all looked ok so that gave some reassurances and I got my results back just over a week later in the post x

Flowerbug1994 · 07/02/2022 18:36

I told my close friends and my mum and sister as soon as I found out and then just as weeks went on told people that I am close to ! I don’t like the stigma of not being able to tell people incase the worst happens but surely if the worst was to happen you would need support of those closest to you. I think it puts abit of a downer on the first 12 weeks asif it’s a secret you can’t get excited about because people frown upon you saying anything before then.

Firsttimetrier · 07/02/2022 19:00

Personally, we decided who we would need for support if we had bad news, so we told immediate family and best friends at 6 weeks. I actually rang my best friend as soon as I got my BFP as I couldn’t get hold of my husband and I wasn’t sure if I was seeing things.

We then started to tell our bigger group of friends (there’s about 30 of us who are all close) from 9+ weeks as I was sick as a dog and I wouldn’t hide it during social events.

We told wider family and more friends 4 days after our 12 week scan as my hospital will ring within 3 days if you are high risk for Down’s, Edwards and the other one that they check you for. As we didn’t receive a call, we knew we were in the low risk category so felt happy to tell.

I really think it’s important for women to feel comfortable talking about early pregnancy as so many of us feel like we’re trying to survive the first trimester symptoms etc.

CameraCoffeeCrochet · 08/02/2022 11:44

I think you should tell people, whatever happens they are your friends and will support you if you need it.

I'm nearly 16 weeks and we told our parents and siblings after about 8 weeks because I'd had a previous MC and it felt like if things went wrong again it would be nice to have their support. This time has also been a hard time, at my 12 week scan all went well and I told a few friends, but then they rang with my blood results, which meant I needed the NIPT test, this failed twice so now I need an amnio for a final diagnosis. So things aren't looking great and I've been told to prepare myself for another possible loss or even having to terminate. I've so many emotions about this, I wish I had a normal pregnancy, wish I could have had that special excitement of telling everyone and not hiding my bump because now I feel like if it's bad news it will upset everyone, but also that noone will ever know I've been having a hard time lately and I could do with a bit of extra love.

Machina01 · 08/02/2022 11:54

After lots of losses we told family only after our NIPT and scans came back low risk at about 13 weeks. With close friends I waited until 17/18 weeks (I was being scanned weekly) and then everyone else after my 20 weeks scan when I was 21 weeks.

Machina01 · 08/02/2022 11:55

@CameraCoffeeCrochet I’m so sorry you’re going through this :(

DappledThings · 08/02/2022 12:04

Let me know how and when you let the big secret out!
About 5 weeks by picking up the phone and using the words "I'm pregnant". I never saw it as a "big secret". It was just news, same as any other significant change we were going through.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread