Last couple of weeks of pregnancy - does anyone else wonder if they're doing the right thing?

[Sarahjct]

Hello

Firstly let me say that this isn't meant to offend anyone - I know there are lots of people who have tried hard for babies and that to be in this position is a privilege.

I'm 38+4 and fed up with being huge(r than normal!), achy, can't go anywhere or do anything etc but I'm also not really ready for this baby to come. Room and gear is all set and everything is ready to go but I'm acutely aware of the fact that this is the last chance I'll get to be just me and I don't think I'm ready to give that up.

I'm worried that I might have made a big mistake and that we should have just carried on as we were. We've been married for 7 years and are really settled as we are and I think it'll be a big shock when everything turns upside down.

I'm sure this is just hormones and stage fright but I'm dreading looking at her when she's here and thinking 'oh God, what have I done?'

I've also learnt not to look at the feeding forum and read messages from people saying how exhausting and painful it is to have to feed for four hours straight...

Please tell me it is just hormones and all perfectly normal!

It's also utterly reasonable, I reckon, to feel like that on the brink of a massive, life-changing event.

I am really quite crap at parenthood, even nearly seven years after my first baby. But I can tell you that while your life changes, the core of you doesn't (necessarily) do so. You will - really - be able to wash your hair and read books and do all those things people glumly warning you that you'll not do again for decades. And you may well also look at your daughter and think 'god what have I done' - I know I did.

It's hormones and perfectly normal - I've even got it and this one's my 4th! I wouldn't say that things turn upside down as such, it's just a new normality that you get used to pretty quick,no matter how many kids you've got. My backpedalling is based around the 'how can i split myself even more ways?' kind of thinking, plus how is DD going to react, I'm getting too old for all this shit, i wanted to go back to work or uni, bla bla bla.
I think that this is the stage where the status quo that you know you can cope with looks mighty tempting, however much you hate bits of it

LOL ok, so I'm normal, hurrah!

It's so strange. I am really excited and want to meet her...but only for a few moments and then I'd like a fortnight's holiday somewhere quiet on my own from all the aches and discomfort and then I'd come back and take over when I was fit and ready.

Family think I'm not ready to drop yet because I'm not fed up enough yet but it's more a case of better the devil you know...

Also, while I'm on a whinge, at what point do you get to stop all the appointments? I seem to spend forever up at the hospital being poked and prodded and then afterwards, what with health visitors and weigh ins, how long is it before you can tell the medical profession to sod off?

Afterwards, remarkably little is actually compulsory. You don't have to go to the baby clinic or get the baby weighed; in fact I discovered you don't even have to have inoculations via the baby clinic, you can get the practice nurse to do them separately.

I also just wanted to say that feeling like this is very normal. I am 35w with no. 2 and feeling it all over again (along with a hefty dollop of guilt about ruining ds's life of course!!)

On paper, there is not much to recommend about having a newborn (exhaustion, tedium, looking like crap etc etc) but you may find that nature provides and the mummy hormones kick in a see you through.

It won't be the same but then again, who wants their life to be the same for ever and ever? It will be different but that's why you did it!!

And it's Too Late Now

I still sometimes regret doing it, but it's definitely too late for me

Hmmm, that's the other thing. She's got to come out...but I'm trying not to dwell on that bit.

Maybe it's because this is the only thing you ever do that is totally unreversable - you can get divorced, sell a house, change a job etc but you're well and truly stuck with this one!

It's comforting to know that it hits second timers as well. Oh boy...

It's one of those day at a time things though. You don't have to do their whole childhood at once. Change some nappies, supply the milk and let them sleep. Then, once you have mastered that, it will be the next stage (and MN will be here, every step of the way!!)

Sarah, when I was pregnant with my first I had a 'period of mourning' for the life I was saying goodbye to. I always likened getting pg to sauntering very casually off a very high precipice. The feeling of no going back is indeed very potent.

In the weeks after the baby is born, please be kind to yourself. It is perfectly acceptable (and actually should be compulsory) to bed down with your lo and REST for however long you need to. Accept practical help from people you know and trust, stick some ready meals in the freezer and show your dh how to use the washing machine ().

With regard to the medics, I saw my hv once when she insisted on visiting - after that I never went to weighing clinics or any of that nonsense. We made all our own decisions about when and if to innoculate.

Good luck - how you are feeling is completely normal.

Sarah
If you are feeling like this then it is likely you are slightly more prepared for what is to come than I was! I had worries when I got pregnant with no2 and am worrying now that I am pregnant with no3 (just - fingers crossed!)

A friend of mine put it brilliantly - having children is the hardest thing she'd ever done but also the most amazing. That just about sums it up and it is why a lot of us go on to have more...

Good luck

I can also remember feeling a bit similar to how you describe - albeit during labour itself! When you get home with your LO, you will be (believe it or not) in a fortunate position because you won't have a toddler to look after as well. Enjoy this first baby all you can!

What MI said.
TBH I didn't feel like that before the birth but I did afterwards. 11pm, alone in the room with my brand new ds, he woke up and needed feeding, and I looked down at him and I thought - "Oh shit this is it, isn't it? Shit I do not know what I am doing and I am so tired - I have just given birth! And this is me for the rest of my life....."
ANd I got over it. Parenting can be quite a wobbly thing - there are very definitely ups and downs. You will be fine.

Most people get cold feet at the end, it's understandable. But trust me on this: you're about to meet the love of your life, stronger and more abiding than your love for any partner or family member.

And for the most part you won't feel horrified that your life has changed as it's changed to make way for the most fantastically interesting, gifted and gorgeous baby on earth!

Soon you won't even remember life before your baby, motherhood is very fulfilling. Try not to worry, you haven't made a mistake, and you will cope, we all do one way or another!

Thank you everyone. I love MN, you're all so wise and supportive

I'm so glad that people know how I feel and that I'm not alone and I know you're all right.

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Haha, thank god for your posts. I am just over 35 weeks and also feeling like i'm about to jump off a big cliff (and can't wait to be able to see my feet/jump out of bed rather than roll about like a beached whale).

I remember it well- I had spd as well as being overweight and overdue, couldn't get up and down the stairs, in and out of the car, lie on my front or back, walk properly or stand for more than ten minutes, and everytime I sat down baby would shove himself downwards and headbutt my cervix (OWW!) Exhausted, achy, peeing every 20 min because of a great big head resting on my bladder, tearful, knackered yet wanting to clean everything in sight... and you wonder why you start to think you may have done the wrong thing??? lol

Apart from anything else you'll feel SO MUCH BETTER after the birth, lighter, comfier, you can walk again, see your feet... it's a mood booster in itself. Not long now, guys- enjoy it, get as much sleep as you can, go to the cinema, take long extravagant baths, enjoy hot food and uninterrupted sex! (yeah right, like anyone wants that when heavily pg, I know)

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Ahhh, and laying on your stomach or your back.... those were the days!!

Christ, the swollen feet, I'd almost forgot! They weren't so much cankles as kneekles! lol They were enormously swollen, like elephant feet with sausages for toes. I thought they'd never go.

And the embarassing waddle...

I am so glad you started this thread, I have been feeling like this as well, but feel bad telling anyone. I am 37 weeks, and sometimes actively feel like I really don't want this baby (was an accident and took me a while to come to terms with it, even tho I am in a stable relationship - getting married in 2 months!). 90% of me knows that I will fall in love with my baby as soon as I see it, and it will all be fine, but I do worry about that not happening, and possibly suffering from post-natal depression. So its good to hear that I am not alone, and that it will all be fine