Gender mix up nhs

[Mamascone]

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant, I already have a 5 year old DS and we decided to find out the gender at 20 weeks anomaly scan, we were told girl and absolutely over the moon as we were really hoping for a little girl. We then had to have another scan at 22 weeks as the baby had their hands over the face so all the checks couldn't be done and a (different) sonographer told us again definitely a girl.
Fast forward 3 months and we had to have a growth scan as she was measuring a little big... To be told that we were in fact definitely having a boy (couldn't hide from that fact 😂). Has this happened to anyone else? We've been so upset, trying not to be and to embrace the positives that he's a healthy little boy but we'd had lots of lovely girls clothes gifted to us and I'd really bonded with my baby girl in my mind. Has this happened to anyone else?

I'd really bonded with my baby girl in my mind it's still the same baby though. And you will bond with him too.

@Spitspotsput

Please love your child whatever sex it is. My friend is traumatised because her Mum has told her all her life she should have been a boy.

Me too. She had my boy name chosen and everything. I couldn't even get that right apparently 😏

[quote motherknowsbest1]@Totalwasteofpaper I know! That's why I had no doubts it was a boy haha 🤦‍♀️ it doesn't matter anymore now I'm just excited for my baby ❤️[/quote]
This is the thing. Ultimately you'll have a whole big wonderful life with your baby it's just going to be different to how you imagined!

Feeling a sense of loss is so normal.
The shitty posts upthread are unhelpful frankly as the pregnant OP probably already feels like shit/guilty so prob doesn't need any more help with that!

I am having a girl and at EVERY scan I am like "it is a girl?????". I have no doubt if I was told it was a boy tomorrow I'd be in shock and have a cry or two. I would also have a mountain of pink from my mother and mil to deal with

Yes I can understand the shock.

I would worry what else they had missed.

Maybe the NHS should ban genital reveals.

This happened to a friend of mine, only found out when her little boy was born. I think they can never be sure about a girl but they should usually warn you of that I think

@AlternativePerspective

You need to take some time to grieve your girl. Even just a couple of days. And then start fresh again with your lovely boy vile comment. On a topic where many women suffer actual pregnancy loss you’re telling a poster to grieve a girl who never existed? Horrible.

Wind your neck in

Some of you on this thread are being dicks. You're missing the point and it's worrying how many people can't put themselves in the OP's shoes. The op never said that she doesn't now want this baby because it's not a girl.

OP I understand where you're coming from. It must be bizarre to be told you're having a girl and then all of a sudden you're not. It goes beyond dresses and pink blankets. I imagined my unborn babies as little people once all my scans showed that all was well. You get attached to them and rightly so. You picture what they'll be like as babies, toddlers, teenagers and adults. Anyone who says it'll be the same regardless of the baby's gender is being disingenuous. Those daydreams can't easily be replaced once you've created a whole little world in your mind.

It will be OK and you will get over this but please know it is OK to feel the way you do.

My youngest is 10 now, so maybe the emphasis on NHS scan is different now, but at our 20 week scan with her, it was very much emphasised that the purpose of the scan was to check the health and development of the baby. Any sex ID was purely secondary, and not 100% accurate.

Anyway. We were told “probably a boy”. Then I had further scans for various reasons and he was clearly a she. As I’d been very unwell all pregnancy, and was over 40, I was glad that this was the only “problem”. But in my mind I did had images of a boisterous, muddy life with 2 boys. It took me a few days to get my mind in a new place. As it happens…. DS’s big thing is playing the guitar. DD is a footballer!

@sandgrown

It’s better not to find out and avoid all this unnecessary trauma.

I must say, that is how I feel! Even though I gave birth a long time ago, we weren't interested in knowing the gender of our baby when it was in the womb, and our first thought when she emerged was "is the baby whole and well and all right?" - we only found out she was a girl 15 minutes later when the obstetrician asked if we'd noticed if it was a boy or a girl!

With my second DC, there was a sign up in the scan room saying “Please don’t ask the sex of your baby as we will not tell you”. I wasn’t going to ask anyway, but personally I think that’s best.

With my third DC, ex was obsessed with knowing the sex and we were allowed to ask but even then it was made clear that this wasn’t a definite answer. The guy even said that they wanted to make sure we understood that as some people could be very disappointed if they ‘got it wrong’.

Even if a woman didn’t ask the sex on a scan, she might still build up an idea of the sex by thinking that she was sure she was having a boy, people telling her the way she was carrying her bump made it ‘definitely’ a girl, saying she had bad morning sickness and ‘people only got that with girls’, etc etc.

The way to stop all this is to tell yourself regularly what we all know - it doesn’t matter as long as they’re healthy, and they will be their own person and might not even fulfil your idea of a girl or boy and the things you planned to do with them.

So, yes, I understand your feelings but you need to sit and acknowledge them, cry if you need to - then move on. Your baby was always as it was, even when you were wrongly told it was the opposite sex. Nothing has changed. XX

@AlternativePerspective

You need to take some time to grieve your girl. Even just a couple of days. And then start fresh again with your lovely boy vile comment. On a topic where many women suffer actual pregnancy loss you’re telling a poster to grieve a girl who never existed? Horrible.

You don't get to decide how someone else feels

@Spitspotsput

Please love your child whatever sex it is. My friend is traumatised because her Mum has told her all her life she should have been a boy.

I think this is a bit different from when posters come on a walk about gender disappointment. Sounds like the OP would have been happy either way but it was the fact that they got used to the idea and bonded in a way! She will get over it and it will all be fine, but her feelings are very normal!

I live in an area where they stopped informing of the likely sex of babies, due to cultural preferences.
We never wanted to know, as we were told it wasn't 100% accurate, we had names for a boy and a girl, I bought mainly white clothes so it didn't matter.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I know two people this happened to and they didn't find out until birth! One of the reasons I didn't ask the sex at any scans.

Same here, although one found out at a later growth scan so at least got a little bit of warning. People forget there’s an element of uncertainty, particularly when they’re told it’s a girl.

@grey12 totally agree x

Why do so many people on mumsnet not want boys? :(

@Shakinstevensisquestionable

Some of you on this thread are being dicks. You're missing the point and it's worrying how many people can't put themselves in the OP's shoes. The op never said that she doesn't now want this baby because it's not a girl.

OP I understand where you're coming from. It must be bizarre to be told you're having a girl and then all of a sudden you're not. It goes beyond dresses and pink blankets. I imagined my unborn babies as little people once all my scans showed that all was well. You get attached to them and rightly so. You picture what they'll be like as babies, toddlers, teenagers and adults. Anyone who says it'll be the same regardless of the baby's gender is being disingenuous. Those daydreams can't easily be replaced once you've created a whole little world in your mind.

It will be OK and you will get over this but please know it is OK to feel the way you do.

This..my thoughts exactly 😊

Wow what a comment! I am of course going to love my child regardless of his gender but thanks 😂.

This is literally my story. I am currently 36 weeks with our first baby. Had the 20 week scan and was told little girl. We honesty didnt mind what we have but got all excited, got loads of pink clothes, got a little toy with the first letter of her name on her foot. Had christmas so got given even more girl stuff.
Fast forward to 32 week growth scan to be told by two people, they thought it was a boy. That was a shock and not gunna lie, i struggled to come to terms with it. I have a very close relationship with my Mum & imagined me having the same type of relationship with my little girl. Thought a boy will want to know daddy and be outside with him more until my manager said that boys are mummy little boys and i would still have the relationship i dreamed off with him (i seen her the day after my 32 week scan)
Yesterday I had another scan and defo a boy, you couldnt miss his little bits. I am absolutely fine with it now, cannot wait for my little boy to be here now and become a Mummy 😊

Did the anomaly scan reveal any anomalies?

If not, give your head a shake and be very grateful.

It's never 100%. You shouldn't tell other people the sex before the baby is born because the scan can be wrong. Now you're stuck with a lot of stupid impractical pink tutus.

Some people were never taught if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. Not once did she ask for any of your opinions she asked has it happened to any one else. Don't see where she said she had a load of " stupid pink tutus " either 😂😂😂

I got asked would I like to know the sex of my child. Not one did I ask!

And like this lady said she couldn't care less what she has, it was the fact she got told TWICE, it was the incorrect sex.

I’m an NHS sonographer. The Trust I am in had a 92% accuracy rate on fetal sexing for 2021. We audit this each year. Reasons for it being an incorrect opinion of fetal sex (even over multiple scans) are increased usually BMI restricting views or suboptimal fetal position. We do give our patients both a verbal and written warning that we are not 100% accurate at fetal sexing.

However….
Mothers whose baby is discovered to be of a discordant sex are more likely to have impaired mental health during pregnancy which may affect the labour and delivery. It can also affect the mental health of the family after delivery and mothers may be more at risk of domestic abuse (Jylha et al, 2010).

Posters telling the OP to just get over it do not understand it is a very real grief that can be felt over the loss of what OP thought was their baby girl. When this occurs there may well still be a healthy baby but it is not the baby originally being bonded with and the process of bonding needs to begin again after grieving for what was taken.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads the focus on the 20 week scan is still to check for abnormalities. It is a Screening Scan. Unfortunately with the gender reveal trend the purpose of the scan is not understood by the majority of patients. It’s rare that patients actually acknowledge the reasons for it. We ask consent to book an anomaly scan at the time of the dating scan.. we explain what it’s for.. the patients (and quite often the partners) will ask “is that the sexing scan.. that’s where we find out if it’s a girl or a boy?” And we repeat what the purpose of the scan is and if we can see what the sex is we can have a look but it’s not 100% accurate. But frustratingly to the majority the purpose of the anomaly scan is still to discover the sex

@Tsuni

It's never 100%. You shouldn't tell other people the sex before the baby is born because the scan can be wrong. Now you're stuck with a lot of stupid impractical pink tutus.

If my son wanted to wear tutu's it'd be cool with me. Having been told twice that the sonographers were 99% sure on the gender I thought it was fairly likely I was having a girl, so I told my family.