Unsupportive husband during pregnancy

[plum711]

I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and when we first found out it was a huge surprise. My husband didn’t think we were capable of going through with it (he said he’s never imagined kids in his future but it’s never been something he’s against). Fast forward a bit and we are 100% going ahead with the pregnancy - this was the path I wanted all along and he says it’s the “right thing to do”.

Since then he’s been so distant and quite often just absolutely miserable. If I ask him if he’s okay he’ll snap at me and say I’m a problem. I said I was nervous to tell my parents and he snapped again and said that was a ridiculous thing to be nervous about. I feel as if I can’t say anything to him at the moment. When I asked him if he was okay yesterday he said “you are so on edge and you need to back off. We’re having this child and I’m fine with it. Just stop it”. I just don’t know what to do because there is very clearly an issue and if I try and address it I’m the one that ends up in tears. At the start of all this he said he’d be here and supportive no matter what - I feel 0 support or empathy at the moment. I’m desperately trying to be there for him and help with whatever is going on but he’s barely even speaking to me.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this with an unplanned pregnancy?

you'll just have to let him work through his feelings it's only early days yet it's obviously a big thing for him to get used too (as well as you) but if he didn't really see a future with children in it it is a big shock and takes time to comes to terms with it as it's changing your life's forever and it's a hell of a commitment.

How long have you been married, OP? Was he previously loving, caring and supportive?
It is an unfortunate fact that domestic abuse often begins during pregnancy, when the abuser knows the victim is now vulnerable.
Some men are also selfish and resent the baby taking your focus away from them and their demands.
Your husband sounds very unenthusiastic about becoming a father, and I would have serious concerns in your position about staying with him.

I think if he's struggling with his emotions then it's unfair of you to ask him for support at the moment. Find someone else to express to, and trust that when he's worked through his own stuff you'll be able to come back together mutually supportive and ready to move forward with this massive life change together.

I'm with Babdoc on this having been in your position. I went on to have 2 children with him and even though we have been divorced several years and separated nearly a decade he continues to abuse me via our teenage dc. He has alienated the eldest from me. My intent is not to scare you here but to open your eyes as this is how it starts. Of course this could just be a blip but please be careful. I now have 3 dc and the third was totally alone and I can honestly say that having 3 on my own including a breastfed baby and a home delivery with no support from anyone was easier than being with my exh and his version of support. You have choices here and time to think

Honestly, I'd just ignore him and let him get on with it for now! Pretty immature tbh.

Revisit it in a few weeks and if he's still being moody just tell him he needs to shape up or ship out as you've got enough to contend with, without his drama. The break may even make him realise what a twatt he's being. Good luck!

He's going along with your desire to have the baby but he resents the fuck out of you for making him become a father when he doesn't want to.

Married for 4 years! I’m really hoping he just needs to process. I’m just gonna let him do his thing for now and reevaluate in a week or so!

Thanks for the responses - I agree I need to let him process/do his thing, I’m aware this is huge for him too. But at the same time I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for his support, the decision to go through with this was made together, not just by me. I need to support him as well - I get that. I just feel that snapping at me constantly isn’t okay regardless of the situation. He’s adamant he doesn’t resent me and says he’s against abortion unless it’s really the only option, and now he agrees that we absolutely can do this. I know he (hopefully) just needs some time, just curious if anyone else has had similar reactions and how they’ve gotten through it.