Plus size pregnancy guilt

[salviapages]

A few days ago I found out I'm pregnant for the first time! I'm thrilled of course, my husband and I have been trying for quite a while.

However I'm just consumed with guilt at my weight. I'm the high side of obese on a BMI chart. I had been trying to lose weight when we decided to TTC (I lost about 15lbs) but then that dwindled when I just wasn't getting pregnant and I lost all motivation

I'm upset that I've potentially put the baby at a higher risk, that I won't have much of a bump and not right till the end, that I've cut off choices for myself like access to a MLU which I'd love to have used. Obviously there's nothing I can do about it now but I just feel sick with guilt and regret that I didn't lose more weight before getting pregnant.

Any advice? Successful happy pregnancies while plus size? Nice bumps? Ways I can forgive myself and just enjoy this?

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! That’s great news.

I can relate to the guilt you are feeling about weight. My BMI with my first was 31, and this time it’s 33. I’m 5’1” and so even a little weight makes a huge difference to BMI. We started TTC #2 and I vowed to lose 20kg and then got pregnant on the first cycle so that went out the window Pregnancy is not a time to beat yourself up. You can make a plan with your midwife to minimise the amount of weight you gain, keep up moderate exercise and there’s no reason you can’t have a normal birth! With my first I had lots of other (non-weight-related) circumstances which meant a MLU birth went out of the window, but I was still able to push him out myself and healed just as well as a woman with a normal BMI.

I hope you can be a bit kinder to yourself x

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy!

Secondly - be kind to yourself and your baby. Don't beat yourself up, but don't give up and eat shitloads of sugar and carbs either. Try to eat a healthy diet, plenty of protein, get your 5 a day, avoid very sugary foods as it's bad for your blood sugar and gestational diabetes is a bigger risk.

You can do the right thing for your baby now.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I don't think there's ever an ideal time or set of conditions, almost everyone has something that 'isnt recommended', like extra stress, high BMI, smoking, suboptimal diets. We can just try our best and not worry too much.

I'm 31 weeks with my third and started with a BMI of 30. I'm also short, so a little extra weight makes a big difference. I was really focused on not gaining too much weight, and was on track until around 16 weeks as I didn't gain any weight up til then. Since then I've more than made up for lost time and I've gained 10kg in 15 weeks. Not ideal. However, nobody has made an issue of my weight at any appointments and pregnancy is going smoothly.

I would say that I feel heavier and less mobile than I did with the previous two, but that could also be due to my age (39). I'm still able to move around, I'm not restricted in my movements, it just feels like a lot more effort than before. Maybe it's also having to wear masks everywhere? I'm not in the UK so rules are different here.

I was overweight with both my other pregnancies too, babies were absolutely fine with straightforward deliveries and are still fine now at 8 and 11.

When I was pregnant with my first I was high BMI (still am) and I was being midwife led and would have been allowed to give birth in the MLU naturally, however we had issues at the end that led to me being induced so I became consultant and due to that every pregnancy I now have is consultant led.
But I don't think you've taken away your choices at all!

Also in regards to bump I started getting a bump at around 14 weeks in both my pregnancies and by 20 weeks I was noticeably pregnant! And I have typical b-belly!

Congrats OP and enjoy it!

Never too late to turn your life around.

@BabyOnBoard90 while anyone who's pregnant can eat more healthy choices, it is not advised to diet while pregnant.

My BMI was 43 at my booking in appointment with my second.

I was never made to feel bad about it, I had a glucose test that involved fasting for 12 hours and having bloods and an appointment with the anesthesiologist to check accessibility in my spine - I had an EMCS with #1 so was a precaution for spinal block.

I had a noticeable bump by 16-20 weeks and all went well. DD was born at 39+6 by an uneventful ELCS and is now a healthy 9 year old.

I made a conscious effort to eat more healthily and eat less overall whilst still listening to my body and walking as often as I could for exercise (not always easy as I had SPD too), I was weighed just before her birth and was 1lb lighter. The following week I was 1.5st lighter than I was pre-pregnancy so you can start taking better care of yourself now.

Either way though you need to try to push the guilt aside, you can't change the past but you can make small changes for a better future. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy :)

Thank you for starting this thread. I feel much the same (8 weeks at moment). In my first pregnancy I was actually the same weight as I am now, but due to hyperemesis from 9-11 weeks I lost over a stone. Unfortunately this was when I was weighed for the first time, but as soon as I was given meds for sickness I gained it all back straight away (as would be expected from such rapid weight loss). When I was weighed at the end of my pregnancy, it looked like I had gained a lot more weight than I really had and my midwife made me feel really bad about it. (I was actually only 8lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy weight after birth).

This time I am really self conscious of my weight because of the midwife’s comments last time. I tried to lose weight but like you, only lost 8lbs before finding that I was pregnant again (first cycle trying!)

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Lots of people who are obese have perfectly healthy pregnancies so don’t worry about it - and don’t feel guilty - it’s a pointless emotion.

It would be good to get healthier of course so do some research on how to eat healthily in pregnancy. Your motivation is high right now, so it’s a good time to get started on eating well. Also read up on how to eat well when the baby is born, as that’s such a full-on time it’s a challenge for anyone.

It’s a great time to change how you and your family eat for good, so look at it in that light

Thank you so much for all your support. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I've gone back to eating healthily as I should have been all along - I'm not dieting but eating super healthily, lots of fruit and veg, lentils, whole wheat carbs, eggs, greek yoghurt etc (I'm vegetarian)

This is how I ate when I lost weight simply because it was healthy, it's by no means a starvation diet and I've done lots of research to make sure it's still healthy while pregnant. I'm hoping through being healthy now I can avoid gaining weight while pregnant to balance things out.

Really appreciate all the advice and support

[quote EllieJai44]@BabyOnBoard90 while anyone who's pregnant can eat more healthy choices, it is not advised to diet while pregnant.[/quote]
I never mentioned diet, I said turn life around.