When did you start feeling "attached" to your baby?

[KizboBaggins]

I'm 16 weeks along and i had a normal nausea/exhaustion filled first trimester, but touch wood I've been feeling pretty good since 10 weeks (aside from a short stomach bug!)

I'm very excited to be pregnant, and to meet our little one, but it just doesn't feel like there's an actual human in my belly. I feel like I'm attached to the idea of a baby, but not attached the actual tiny life form inside me. Does that even make sense?

My bump is starting to show which is so exciting, and we saw lots of movement at the 12 week scan...but it just doesn't feel real I guess and sometimes I just actually forget I'm pregnant

When did it really kick in for you that there's a human in your stomach? When did you start being attached to them?

I'm hoping it starts for me after the 20 week scan at least...

When he was born / the moment I held him.

It might be the same for you, and if it is, that’s okay!

I think that while birth/pregnancy definitely helps "bond" a mum and a baby, it is important to note that we pop them out and are immeditately expected to feel something, which doesn't always happen. I had a premie who was in the NICU, and it took many months before I felt like "her mum/a mum", although there was a definite bond, it wasn't maybe what I expected. I would honestly say it was when she was close to a year I really began to feel really close. If it doesn't happen immediately please know you are normal, it just takes time, and there is a lot of social pressure that you should try to ignore.

I absolutely loved being pregnant all the way through but I would say when he was big enough to give the strong kicks and I'd see my belly move (I'd say week 28 onwards) was when reality really did sink in and if I didn't feel him kick as much I'd get so worried and always talk to him and stroke/gently prod my belly. But for some women as pp said it's the moment they get handed to you. This was the moment I realised there is a different, unexplainable kind of love that I never knew existed. I love this little person more than life itself. He's 10 months old now 💙
Congratulations xx

@StickyStickyStickStickSong

I absolutely loved being pregnant all the way through but I would say when he was big enough to give the strong kicks and I'd see my belly move (I'd say week 28 onwards) was when reality really did sink in and if I didn't feel him kick as much I'd get so worried and always talk to him and stroke/gently prod my belly. But for some women as pp said it's the moment they get handed to you. This was the moment I realised there is a different, unexplainable kind of love that I never knew existed. I love this little person more than life itself. He's 10 months old now 💙 Congratulations xx

Aww that's amazing! I'm so excited to feel that kind of love! Also absolutely terrified, of course it's a lot of responsibility haha

I cannot wait to feel them kick! We're going to find out the gender at 20 weeks so wondering if knowing that will make it more real too. Maybe choosing a name as well.

After they were born. I was in total denial before that.

I’m 31 weeks with twins, I had a bit of a scare last week when I had a reaction to a blood pressure medication and ended up in the delivery suite with a team preparing to do an emergency c-section to get them out. Luckily their heart rates came back up in time and they’re still cooking.

Up to that point I was happy I was pregnant and excited to meet them, liked feeling them kick etc, but when I thought they were in distress and were going to be born super early, that was the exact moment I realised what it would mean to lose them.
If that hadn’t happened I expect I wouldn’t have felt it until they were born.

Definitely not until they were born. I didn't really relate to the bump as a baby at all. I didn't get the rush of love either - although DH did which is just bloody unfair! I saw it physically hit him, just thump, he was head over heels in love. Fascinating to watch.

I gently bonded over the first while. All good.

Not until the baby was about 3 months old! Love her to bits now but didn’t have a great pregnancy or birth

The second I held her after she was born, and it never stopped.

When I first started feeling them move about. I was always singing or talking to them before they were born.

Not until well after she was born. Women are all different!

First dc - 3 days old, second - 6 days old.

As soon as I felt her move! I would just constantly talk to her! But everyone is different :)

A bit more when they started kicking but not properly until a few weeks after birth. It didn't seem real until then and once they arrived it still took a while to sink in.

When my son was born I genuinely felt grief for the baby that was missing from my belly. Which was him! He and "belly baby" were one and the same. But it didn't feel like that. I wonder if it was because I didn't find out the sex before he was born, so all through my pregnancy I didn't think of him as "he" or "my boy" or have a name for him. He was just this little mysterious thing inside me.

After he was born I felt physically very empty and like I had lost a baby. As much as I was in love with this little boy in my arms, I couldn't connect him to the "belly baby" at all and definitely felt a little melancholy for the first month. The feeling passed and now I have nothing but love for my boy. If I think hard about it I can still conjure the feeling of love for "belly baby" as distinct from him. As if there was another little soul or existence that went somewhere else when he was born.

I’m 37 weeks and it still doesn’t feel real.

Bare in mind that even when born it could be a while before you feel truly bonded. When my son was born it was nice and I thought he was a nice baby but it was a while before I had that intense mother-child bond. Just remember that whatever your feeling is normal and it will all work out ok

With my first it was when they were born. Before then to my brain it was a purely academic exercise that first throaty cry was a frigging shock haha.

After she was born. But even then I was in this kind of bubble. I would protect and do anything for her because she was my baby. But that rush of love people talk about, I never had that.

My mum always told me the moment she saw me she felt this rush of love. I think maybe I was just tired and overwhelmed and it didn't feel real

As soon as I found out I was pregnant. Everyone is different.

Not until she was born. I spent several weeks or months in terror; I honestly can't recall when I began feeling attached

Makes complete sense and is exactly how I felt. It was like the concept of a baby in my uterus and the baby that suddenly appeared when I gave birth were completely separate.

Knowing the sex made it slightly more real for me, but it was still very surreal.

Took me a few months after he was born to be fully attached. It was like someone had given me a baby to look after - I liked him and cared for him and knew he was my baby, but the love grew - it wasn’t instant.

There is no “right” way to feel, so please don’t worry if you don’t feel particularly attached, or not how you expected you would feel.

My first, around 18 weeks i was told i was miscarrying - i didn't and then felt so relieved. Up till then i hadn't felt much. When she was born i didn't feel properly connected until about 3 months.

Second child, not sure during pregnancy, but as soon as they were born i got that rush of love. I think a good labour/birth and understanding what parenthood meant with them being my second, definitely contributed to my feeling in love and not just tired and overwhelmed haha

With our first, when I felt her move. With our second, many years later and after we’d been told we would have no more, as soon as we knew.

When she started moving around and I could feel her personality. She as so thoughtful and gentle and inquisitive. None of this kicking some talk about. I loved feeling her toes working their way along my ribs as she tried to work out what she was feeling.

When she was born. I loved being pregnant but like you say it felt so abstract really. To be honest my overwhelming feeling when she finally popped out was relief that the worst part of labour was over, and relief she was ok. For me it felt more of an ‘oh hi there- it’s YOU!’ feeling, like I’d always known her and just woken up to that fact, it wasn’t some huge cascade of emotions but just really lovely. Lots of people don’t feel all that much to start with though and that feeling comes in time, which is completely normal!