Pregnant with toddler who doesn’t sleep - 13 week and very stressed and sleep deprived

[Geo0905]

Hi, I’m looking for some reassurance because I’m worried about how my lack of sleep and stress levels will be affecting the baby. I have a 21 month old who doesn’t sleep well, currently teething and on and off ill since I found out I was pregnant so sleep has been terrible. There’s no use in trying to improve her sleep, it’s the same whenever she’s ill or teething and we’re doing all we can to make her comfortable. But I’m worried about only have a couple hours of broken sleep a night and my stress levels get quite high. I’m scared this is affecting the baby and creating a stressful environment in the womb. My worries come from research I’ve read. I’ve read a stressful womb environment can create a stressed out baby ( like my daughter was) and I’m so worried about having to cope with that with a very high needs toddler?

Anyone got some nice stories to share? Been through something similar?

I have no words of advice, just solidarity. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (4+2) and have a 17 month old who is still very reliant on breastfeeding and seems to hate sleep. I’m so tired already and so worried about how bad the first trimester is going to be with tiredness, and about having a newborn and a toddler

@mooonbaby sending hugs. It’s so hard. My little one is still breastfeeding and I’ve got terrible aversion and really want to stop. I keep telling myself ‘this too shall pass’ but feel like I’ve been saying it forever now!

Does your partner not cover some nights so you can sleep?
If yes but it still wakes you, do you have a spare room you can sleep in those nights?

I'm 13 weeks and have a 16 month old. So I empathise! We decided that I would stop breastfeeding toddler in the night, so that when next baby arrives, toddler won't be dependent on milk feeds on night and night sleep better in general. My husband now does all the night wakings, he's had to find his own way of settling her but it's worked quite well. She still gets in bed with me at 4am though so we've still got to tackle that!

Don't worry too much about your womb environment, there's so much theory and hysteria out there, but realistically mums have been pregnant with toddlers for a very long time snd the babies are fine! But just have early nights snd get your partner involved. You are important and deserve rest.

I also got aversion during pregnancy and started cutting feeds off pretty quickly which did turn into full weaning. I was quite happy with that although I would have ideologically been fine with carrying on too. I can explain what I did if you like but the gist is to separate out day feeds, night feeds and going-to-sleep feeds, and treat them as three separate things and tackle them separately.

@miltonj I am saying no during the night and putting her dummy in but that only works probably 1/6 wake ups. She’s teething so it’s for comfort and the only way to soothe her back to sleep but she currently just won’t get into a deep sleep after about 10.30pm, rolling/crying/waking all night. My partner responds to her but she rejects him and cries until I intervene and he works on machinery so needs to get all the sleep he can too. So we feel pretty stuck at the minute just trying to ride it out .

@BertieBotts I would like to wean but I know doing it abruptly would be distressing to her, she’s very reliant on it for comfort (especially when teething) I don’t offer anymore and when she asks always try an alternative. Before this bout of teething her sleep seemed To be getting much better with only 2 wake ups and feeds on some nights!

I found it quite gentle and DS2 was not overly upset by it, I didn't stop cold turkey. But he was older, he was 3 when DS3 was born.

All new to me as the gap between my first two was 10 years so of course DS1 had long since finished!

Your partner needs to do the nights he isn't at work the next day. The whole nights so you can get some uninterrupted sleep. You need to not go in.

I was pregnant with my son when my daughter was 2 and a half. My first trimester was during winter 2020 and January lockdown 2021. I was CONSTANTLY stressed because I was with my daughter 24/7 as I was a SAHP and I felt so ill and sleep deprived. All there was to do was hang out in the freezing cold in muddy parks and try to muster up enough energy to create activities and play with her at home. Some days I just felt at the end of my tether. But we got through it and my boy was born at home in the May and he is a super easy and chilled baby. I was also so worried that all my stressing and sadness would impact him but it definitely doesn't seem to have. x

I'm due in 2 weeks time and my 2 year old doesn't sleep the greatest. The last few weeks have been dreadful with 9pm wake ups and he is flat out refusing for his dad to put him to sleep at night.

It doesn't work for everyone but I just bring him in with us on the first wake up the majority of the time and we get some rest and I'll carry that one with baby. His dad is still attempting to put him down. The next step we are going to do is to drop the cot to a bed and then we can get in with him however I'm hesitant for a little bit due to all the change going on.

@blueberrymuffin88 thank you for sharing, just what I need to hear ! Can definitely relate in this miserable weather. Hoping things improve during the day with the better weather. Doing everything I can to get as much sleep and rest as I can but sometimes it’s not as simple as some people suggest x

@McHelenz sounds really tough, hope it improves so you can get some rest before the birth. Yeah she in our bed because it’s the only way we get any sleep usually, and if she wasn’t we’d be up and down all night which would be much worse. I think a lot of people don’t understand unless they have a toddler/baby with similar sleep/similar temperament!