How to tell closest friend I'm pregnant

7 replies

bubbles2019 · 31/01/2022 15:16

For some background, my friend and I are extremely close and I regard her more highly than any of my family. She's a single mother with two teenage DC.

She had a nervous breakdown last year and I provided a lot of emotional support but something hasn't been quite right with us for months. We would normally speak every day but she's been really struggling and communication has been a little stiff.

OH and I decided to start trying for a baby since I last saw her and I would normally have told her about this but she was severely depressed and wasn't up for meeting or chatting on the phone and I didn't think it was the sort of news for text.

Pregnancy happened quicker than expected and we're almost at the 'telling people' stage. To be honest I'd have told her straight after my OH if things were normal between us. My OH understands our relationship but he's excited to tell other people too.

I know this should be an exciting time for us and it is but I'm an empath and I'm anticipating how she's going to take the news (having had no idea we were thinking about children) and I think she's going to be hurt and feel as though she's let me down and not been there for me.

I don't want to break the news by text but we're kind of on a deadline here.

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Squiff70 · 31/01/2022 15:25

Can you send her a message saying you'd like to catch up and gently but casually ask her when she might be free for a call? I'm sure she'd want to know and will be so happy for you.

babyjellyfish · 31/01/2022 15:40

Why do you think she will be hurt?

I wouldn't go and tell lots of other people before you tell her, but unless there's some sort of backstory (like her trying to get pregnant and not succeeding, or desperately wanting another baby but not having a partner), I don't see why the news should be distressing for her.

CherryAndAlmond · 31/01/2022 15:53

I can understand that if she's depressed she might have withdrawn, but that doesn't really explain why conversation is stiff. Is there more to it? Have you kept in touch during her period of depression? Does she know that you care about her? I know if my best friend was suffering from depression I'd be round there as much as possible and trying to break down the barriers depression might make her put up. Perhaps she needs to talk, and you could work on that before telling her your news.

Original poster

bubbles2019 · 31/01/2022 16:05

@CherryAndAlmond

She had asked for some space and said that things were really getting on top of her so I didn't want to pester her. I have frequently text that I'm thinking of her and miss her and sent little cards through the post.

During the worst part of her depression/breakdown I was at her house most of the time (though she lives a distance away) doing her food shopping, cleaning and generally helping out. She's made it clear that she wants some time alone but still cares very much.

The reason I think she'll feel bad is that its obviously something big in my life and she's not been in a place where I've felt able to talk to her about it. When she was going through her breakdown, I had some issues that I told her about weeks later and she said she felt awful- as though she had been completely self involved and a crap friend.

OP posts:

RedFishYellowFish · 31/01/2022 16:26

I'll be honest, it sounds as though you are a great friend. But you're worried she'll feel like she's not been a great friend because you've not been able to chat to her already. The truth is, right now, she's not able to be a great friend. And that's ok.

It's also ok to give her a call, follow up by a text or card if you can't get a hold of her, and tell her your wonderful news. Then let you and your husband enjoy this lovely time and draw in all the friends and family who will be delighted for you.

CherryAndAlmond · 31/01/2022 19:54

In that case OP I would just reassure her that you didn't expect anything, you knew she needed space and you wanted to respect that.

blyn72 · 31/01/2022 20:12

Will you being pregnant bother your friend? I would have thought she'd be glad for you.

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