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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

OH desire to have sex has changed

28 replies

north2south · 31/01/2022 15:12

Hi all!

Looking for some advice and if anyone else has experienced the same when they were/are pregnant. My OH and I's relationship is great, we are so close and connected and for the most part this pregnancy brings us closer and closer by the day. One thing however that is concerning me a little is my OH's desire to have sex with me has gone down. We still have sex at least once a week but I felt a little rejected this weekend. Friday we had a lovely date night. We went for a lovely meal and drinks and then when we got home I started to initiate sex. He was a little merry but as things progressed I could tell he didn't really want to. When we started talking about it he shared that he loves me so much and he never thought he could love me anymore however has this new found love for me. He says he still finds me attractive but he also can't help look at me differently and as a mother. He loves me and wants to look after me but it doesn't make him want to rip my clothes off. When talking the next day (as I got upset) he confirmed he still finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me but it can be strange at times as it seems like the baby is right there. He feels more love and nurture rather than seeing me as a sexual object if that makes sense. I do understand after speaking to him but it's still hard to not feel rejected as my desire hasn't changed for him and my sex drive is super high at the moment! I can't help but get worried and think he doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore and what if he ends up getting his sexual gratification elsewhere? (I know that's probably going over the top dramatic and I trust him but you hear so much about men wondering) Is this normal for men to feel this way about sex when pregnant? Do I have anything to worry about?

Sorry for the long rant haha!

OP posts:

TheBlueBear88 · 31/01/2022 15:54

Hi OP, firstly congrats on the pregnancy. My OH was the exact same during pregnancy and found the whole idea of a baby "in there" very off putting. Many of my friends partners felt the same. I remember the look of badly disguised disgust on my OHs face when I asked him could we have sex to try and encourage labour (at 39weeks). Basically he didn't want to go near me once I started showing and when we occasionally did DTD he very strategically would have put me in positions were the bump wasn't on display (ie spooning). Tbh I did find it hurtful at the time but it really does seem to be quite a common issue.

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 17:01

@TheBlueBear88

Thank you for sharing @TheBlueBear88! And for your congratulations ☺️ I can understand from their point of view but you're right you can't help but feel hurt by it. It's hard enough dealing with our own insecurities around our body changing!

Thanks again x

OP posts:

kitty1993 · 31/01/2022 17:59

I'm so glad you've posted about this as I'm currently going through the same. I'm only 9 weeks but we haven't had sex since we conceived! I've tried hinting to DP that it's ok to still have sex and I've made it obvious that I'd like to but he just doesn't seem interested at all. I'm not sure he's even sure why he feels differently but my theory is it's because he sees me differently at the moment and doesn't see me as a sexual partner. We've never gone without sex in our relationship so I'm certain it's the pregnancy. I'm not going to push him on it as he's just as entitled to not want sex as I am. I'm just hoping he'll feel more comfortable with it in time 🙂

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 18:19

@kitty1993

Hi @kitty1993 ! That must be really difficult! For me it's only just started since the last week or so as I've really started showing, I'm 28weeks and have been pretty small throughout. If I can offer you a little advice I would ask him out right his reasons for being off sex so you can understand his reasons behind it. This conversation really helped me at the weekend to understand his point of view and accept it. Even though I'm still after more advice from woman in the same position to know I'm not the only one ☺️ x

OP posts:

groeggmeg · 31/01/2022 18:26

I totally read this as ‘OH desire to have a sex change’😂

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 18:36

@groeggmeg

I totally read this as ‘OH desire to have a sex change’😂

Hahahahahahahaa!!! Omg!!! Maybe I should reword it haha! Aaah that made me laugh! Xx

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secretllama · 31/01/2022 18:59

My husband was like this with my first pregnancy. We literally didn't have sex once the whole time I was pregnant as he felt weird about it....
Now I'm pregnant with my second and surprisingly he was totally different this time in the early weeks... but now he can feel baby moving he said it's a no again until after it's here as he feels weird again 🤣

Mattieandmummy · 31/01/2022 19:10

Yep same here, my DH finds the idea of a baby in there really off putting. Basically as soon as there's a bump he's too worried about hurting bump whereas I'm thinking er hello.... 9 months of no contraception what's not to love about that. I also had a lot of difficulty persuading him to have sex with me to try to bring labour on last time, I think I actually just gave up in the end.

bollocksthemess · 31/01/2022 19:20

My DH has been fairly horrified by this entire pregnancy, we’ve had sex twice since we conceived. In the early weeks I was nervous due to previous miscarriages, then there was a brief bit after I was 12 weeks and before I started to really show where we were both interested.
I’m 30 weeks now with twins, and in some considerable pain and with various bits of the twins visibly moving through my belly.
He has actually used the word ‘disgusting’ when the boy twin’s head was sticking out of one side of me 😂
I don’t take it personally, neither of us are enjoying this pregnancy much, we’re still each other’s favourite person and we love each other very much. The sex will come back, I’m not worried.

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 19:23

Hi @secretllama thank you for sharing. It's such a comfort knowing that I'm not the only one experiencing this. All I was reading before was partners being the opposite and not able to get enough of their other half and I started to think this was abnormal! It's comforting to hear that other people experience the same and that the reasons seem to be the same! Doesn't feel like he's just making excuses now and his reasons are genuine xx

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Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 19:25

@Mattieandmummy thank you for sharing! Did things change again when baby arrived? (I mean once you found the energy haha) xx

OP posts:

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 19:30

Thank you @bollocksthemess it is such a strange concept isn't it! Especially when you see baby moving! The thing is my sex drive is incredibly high so I struggle not having sex! I actually get horngry! 🤣 (I've coined the phrase haha). Thank you again for sharing this is really helping me deal with it mentally and great to know that things change again after arrival xx

OP posts:

bollocksthemess · 31/01/2022 20:12

@north2south I just sort myself out, I expect DH does the same!
If your relationship is good otherwise and you’re both committed to getting back to normal after the baby is here I really wouldn’t worry!

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 20:24

Thank you @bollocksthemess! I must admit I have to do the same - I had to anyway as my sex drive has been so high OH could never keep up lol!

Can I ask you how you feel about if he is sorting himself out? I kinda struggle with the thought of him being aroused elsewhere, by other woman or porn and not being aroused by me? I know it seems double standards as I do however I'm super aroused by him and would much rather be with him than DIY. What do you think? Am I being silly/overthinking? Xx

OP posts:

Mattieandmummy · 31/01/2022 20:46

Yes, once the bump was out the problem was solved. Although tbh sleep deprivation really puts a hold on your sex life!

SantoPalo · 31/01/2022 20:47

Hi OP, I went through the exact same thing as you, now that baby is here we are back to normal

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 20:47

@Mattieandmummy haha! Yes that's what I'm expecting xx

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Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 20:48

Thanks @SantoPalo! Reassuring to hear things do go back to normal xx

OP posts:

Februarymama · 31/01/2022 21:00

Can 100% relate here. I’ve had 3 pregnancies and my DH has been the same with all 3- basically not wanted to touch me the minute I’ve started to show. He’s reassured me it’s nothing to do with me, he just finds it too strange thinking the baby is right there too.

Each time things have gone totally back to normal once baby is here. The fact your intimacy is still there in terms of affection/ love is a great sign and to me demonstrates you have nothing to worry about x

ProfessorSillyStuff · 31/01/2022 21:04

Lol, it's gonna be a boy, and a super cheeky one at that ;)

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 21:21

@Februarymama aaah thank you for your reassurance! Yes you're so right! I have intimacy in other ways so need to stop putting so much focus on the sex part. Thank you so much xx

OP posts:

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 21:22

Haha @ProfessorSillyStuff it's actually a girl 😂 xx

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bollocksthemess · 31/01/2022 21:23

@north2south he’s entitled to get himself off however he likes within the boundaries of our relationship, as am I. I don’t always use just
my imagination and think of him, I don’t expect he does either!
Sex is just one part of a relationship, even though we aren’t having sex we’re definitely closer since I’ve been pregnant. Hopefully we’ll have a long time together, this will be a small part of it.

Original poster

north2south · 31/01/2022 21:33

@bollocksthemess you talk so much sense!! Thank you!! Xx

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ProfessorSillyStuff · 01/02/2022 00:00

Lol you have no excuse for getting horngry then @north2south!

I hope this thread has put you at ease. I reckon you'll be fighting him off by 3 weeks post partum! Good luck! X

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