How can I get dh to understand that when the mw tells me I need to rest more...

[MuffinMclay]

... that she isn't just saying this 'because she is covering her own back in case something goes wrong', and that helping around the house involves more than emptying the dishwasher and attending to ds once for 2 seconds when he wakes up (and in early evening, not the 3 hours he was awake in the night when dh didn't hear him).

Sorry, just wanted to moan. My bp is at 140/90 (with protein in unrine too - pre-eclampsia signs), and the mw says if it goes any higher I'll have to go into hospital for monitoring and possibly a c-section. 34 weeks pg.

Write a detailed list of all the chores that need doing in the house and sit down with your partner and explain to him why you cannot do them and he either must do them himeself, or pay for someone else to come to the house to do them.

Oh dear. Would he be willing to read something on what pre-eclampsia actually is and the risks it presents? I'm really sorry to hear that he isn't being more supportive. I think the only thing you can do is to try and rest and not step in and do things he isn't doing. If the house is dirty then so be it (I know ours is, I am 35 weeks). Try and do stuff with dd on your bed like reading etc and remember that this is why CBeebies was invented!!

Presumably you are being seen fairly frequently at the moment. Can he go to the next appointment so he can have a chat with the MW?

Has he read about pre-eclampsia? Does he actually KNOW that it can lead to maternal injury and death? It's easy for people to be blase about health risks in PG here, as problems are so usually managed OK. Not helping you keep BP down is not managing OK.

Good luck, and insist on specific help, one more piece each day!

Is she a scary midwife that could tell him off for you?

Does your dp realise that if you go into hosp he will have to do everyllittlething himself? This would motivate my dp to share the load.

Ithink you can try two routes here:

• try to convince your partner to help, may raise your blood pressure though
• go on strike. Take to your bad for at least 24 hours, call midwife out, make him see you are ill.

I like to be on top of things and your hormones are probably wanting you cleaning, sorting, etc, but try to let it go, even the best DP won't do things to your standards, if you can stand it let the pots pile high, etc, most men will only do them when they have nothing to eat off!

Tell him that if he has a wife recovering from a C section, a new baby in SCBU & another child to care for at home he will be A VERY busy man so its in his own interest to take care of you.

As brusselsprout says if the house isn't tidy, don't worry you MUST put your health first.
Good luck I hope things settle down for you.

Absolutely you need to make him understand that the midwife knows her job. High blood pressure is very bad for baby and you. Would it be possible for your MW to speak to your GP and ask them to speak to your dh? Its vital he understands that you need to rest.
Are you able to get your family or your dh's family to help? Maybe they can get dh to understand that you need to rest.

Err, forgive me if I'm wide of the mark, but could he be just a wee bit sexist? Easy to imagine the sexist and dismissive type thinking midwives are just biddies churning out old wives' tales, and he may take it more seriously from a GP or consultant.

Let the housework slide.

Message withdrawn

lol you could of course do what I do and say,

you have arms and legs....use them

that and

You helped make the children, ruddy well help look after them now

Am sorry to hear that you are having this problem.

PLEASE REST! You are at risk of pre-eclampsia and by you being stressed, you are transmitting stress hormones to the baby. I agree with the other posters - go on strike and go to bed.

Let us know how you get on.

Rest.

Don't do anything at all.

He will have to do it. This is the health of his partner and baby we are talking about.

Go home to your mum

Northernlurker is right!

If you can, go home and get looked after.

How much help will DH be afterwards?

Thanks everyone. Lots of good advice there. I've decided to try the list of tasks idea on Tuesday and next weekend when he is off work.

I'll be staying clear of my parents though - that really would send my bp sky high!

I've been trying to entertain ds (20 months) whilst lounging on a sofa - cbeebies, stickers, lots of stories etc - which works well for a short while, but he seems to have boundless energy at the moment. Things might get a bit easier once Christmas is over and all the normal mother and toddler groups etc start up again.

It did cross my mind that the parents thing might be like that - I would certainly have steered clear of mine in your position - but I was hoping I was wrong

Oh well - is the midwife coming to see you at home next week? If so - get her to come when dh is there - and she can take him aside and scare him!!