Miscarried - need support

Gemmalouise994 · 2022-01-30T23:04:18+00:00

Hi all I’m currently 27 with one little boy at 18m who I didn’t know about until I was 12 weeks pregnant. For the first 3 months of being pregnant (while I didn’t know I was) I’d been going out and drinking and barely looking after myself. Fast forward to now. I’m so lucky he was so healthy and perfect but I’ve just suffered my first MC. This baby I knew about and I was doing everything taking all vitamins etc but lost at 6.5w 😢 Everything I read talks of people having so many MC in a row before conceiving and carrying to term again . Im so scared to have to go through this loads of times, I only want one more baby - I suppose I’m looking for some beauty stories about ladies who managed to successfully conceive after only 1 MC, I feel like a total fraud for how strong some of you amazing ladies are but I’m just petrified of having to go through this again, :( To add to the stress of the MC I’ve completely fallen out with my parents because even at 27 they can’t be happy for me. When they found out I was pregnant despite me and my partner being together for almost 3 years - have our own house (rented) cars each and both worked all our lives apparently we should want to be married and own our own house first 🙄 Just craving some positive vibes and happy endings which make me believe this might all be ok if we try again xxx

KavvLar · 30/01/2022 23:09

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope someone comes along with some positive stories for you. It wasn’t your fault. Sending you positive vibes and good luck for the future.

Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 30/01/2022 23:11

@KavvLar

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope someone comes along with some positive stories for you. It wasn’t your fault. Sending you positive vibes and good luck for the future.

Thank you so much 🥲 I'm just struggling - we want to try again but I'm desperately scared

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Dyra · 31/01/2022 00:13

Really sorry about your loss.

I guess I fall under your criteria. I MCed my first pregnancy, but went on to have a second successful pregnancy. I'm now 32 weeks into my third. The MC makes you doubt your own body, but unfortunately it really is luck of the draw. Nothing you can do will change if a pregnancy is viable or not. For now, be kind to yourself. Best of luck when you're ready to start TTC again and I hope you get your rainbow next time.

Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 00:43

@Dyra

Really sorry about your loss.

I guess I fall under your criteria. I MCed my first pregnancy, but went on to have a second successful pregnancy. I'm now 32 weeks into my third. The MC makes you doubt your own body, but unfortunately it really is luck of the draw. Nothing you can do will change if a pregnancy is viable or not. For now, be kind to yourself. Best of luck when you're ready to start TTC again and I hope you get your rainbow next time.

Thank you so much. I was so shocked because I was so proud of how my body held and carried my son when I didn't look after it and now I do I was so disappointed that it let me down.
I just can't wait for our little family to be complete but I just have so many worries about the potential for it to happen again 😔💙

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Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 00:43

@Dyra

Really sorry about your loss.

I guess I fall under your criteria. I MCed my first pregnancy, but went on to have a second successful pregnancy. I'm now 32 weeks into my third. The MC makes you doubt your own body, but unfortunately it really is luck of the draw. Nothing you can do will change if a pregnancy is viable or not. For now, be kind to yourself. Best of luck when you're ready to start TTC again and I hope you get your rainbow next time.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss though yet so happy to hear you have had successful pregnancy 🥰🥰🥰

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Happyhappyday · 31/01/2022 04:28

I had two, one about 4 months after trying, another 4 months later and got pregnant with DD a few months after that. Had early investigations for infertility but absolutely nothing wrong, something like at least a third of conceptions end in MC. Both were early losses but DD was fine, it’s just really REALLY common to miscarry, but no one talks about it.

After mine, another friend miscarried around 8 weeks then had a successful pregnancy a couple months later. Another had one around 12 weeks then 2 more successful pregnancies. Another had one DC, a miscarriage and another DC a few months later. It’s just really common but utterly terrible when it happens.

After I had my DC I’ve tried to talk about it so others going through it know they aren’t the only one.

Dustyblue · 31/01/2022 05:30

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'd like to address this part of your post:

^For the first 3 months of being pregnant (while I didn’t know I was) I’d been going out and drinking and barely looking after myself. Fast forward to now. I’m so lucky he was so healthy and perfect but I’ve just suffered my first MC.

This baby I knew about and I was doing everything taking all vitamins etc but lost at 6.5w 😢
Everything I read talks of people having so many MC in a row before conceiving and carrying to term again .^

Please forgive yourself already, for whatever happened in your first pregnancy! Lots of us didn't know we were pregnant and would've made different choices, but we have healthy kids. You did nothing terrible here.

Also, your second pregnancy likely has little to do with your first. Sometimes we just lose them.

I had 2 m/c, at 6.5wks and 12 wks. I went on to have a full term healthy one.

A hug for you, it is always hard.

whosaidtha · 31/01/2022 06:33

It's actually incredibly rare to have multiple miscarriages. While one is common having two 2 is only 2% and 3 or more less than 1%. So the odds are in your favour. Good luck.

CherylPorter350 · 31/01/2022 07:55

I has my first DD, 3 years later a MMC at 11wks and went on to have 2 more healthy pregnancies, no losses

Onaloop · 31/01/2022 08:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my first pregnancy at 19 weeks in 2020. I went on to have a healthy baby boy who is currently asleep in my arms.

Don't blame yourself, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 21:32

@Happyhappyday

I had two, one about 4 months after trying, another 4 months later and got pregnant with DD a few months after that. Had early investigations for infertility but absolutely nothing wrong, something like at least a third of conceptions end in MC. Both were early losses but DD was fine, it’s just really REALLY common to miscarry, but no one talks about it.

After mine, another friend miscarried around 8 weeks then had a successful pregnancy a couple months later. Another had one around 12 weeks then 2 more successful pregnancies. Another had one DC, a miscarriage and another DC a few months later. It’s just really common but utterly terrible when it happens.

After I had my DC I’ve tried to talk about it so others going through it know they aren’t the only one.

Thank you so much for this. I'm learning just how common it is and honestly my heart is completely hurting for myself but also for all the amazing women who go through it.

So happy you have your littles now and hopeful I can conceive and carry successfully sometime soon ❤️

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Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 21:53

@Dustyblue

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'd like to address this part of your post:

^For the first 3 months of being pregnant (while I didn’t know I was) I’d been going out and drinking and barely looking after myself. Fast forward to now. I’m so lucky he was so healthy and perfect but I’ve just suffered my first MC.

This baby I knew about and I was doing everything taking all vitamins etc but lost at 6.5w 😢
Everything I read talks of people having so many MC in a row before conceiving and carrying to term again .^

Please forgive yourself already, for whatever happened in your first pregnancy! Lots of us didn't know we were pregnant and would've made different choices, but we have healthy kids. You did nothing terrible here.

Also, your second pregnancy likely has little to do with your first. Sometimes we just lose them.

I had 2 m/c, at 6.5wks and 12 wks. I went on to have a full term healthy one.

A hug for you, it is always hard.

Thank you so much ❤️ it's so heartbreaking to have to go through but it definitely isn't given enough acknowledgment or focus. It's just a scary time - I definitely beat myself up about how I was in my first pregnancy and he's here and 18 months old bright as a button 😂

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply 🥰

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Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 21:53

@whosaidtha

It's actually incredibly rare to have multiple miscarriages. While one is common having two 2 is only 2% and 3 or more less than 1%. So the odds are in your favour. Good luck.

This is somewhat reassuring- I just feel so shook at how many people on these pages have had so so many 😔❤️

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Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 21:54

@CherylPorter350

I has my first DD, 3 years later a MMC at 11wks and went on to have 2 more healthy pregnancies, no losses

Fabulous! Sorry to hear of your losses but so happy you have 3 healthy babies 🥰❤️

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Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 31/01/2022 21:55

@Onaloop

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my first pregnancy at 19 weeks in 2020. I went on to have a healthy baby boy who is currently asleep in my arms.

Don't blame yourself, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.

I was so early I feel so sorry for you having to go through something so scary so late too 😭 so glad to hear you got your rainbow ❤️

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madeleine85 · 31/01/2022 22:53

@Gemmalouise994 sending all the love your way, what an awful situation. Please take care of yourself. Like you, I didn't know I was pregnant with my first until well into it. I did it all wrong, yet somehow she was ok. Currently pregnant with second and I am terrified of it going wrong now that we have actually tried and it is my "focus". Statistically I think there is a 1/3 misscarriage rate, but that might be higher depending on age, lifestyle etc. The thing is that you are actively trying, so you would know when it were to happen. With your first, you would have been none the wiser most likely. Apparently they are much more common than we realise, and a lot of the time people don't know they even had one. My mum had 3 of us, and one MC. My friend had a MC and is almost full term right now. It really isn't the case that once you have one, then you are doomed to a slew of them in a row. I've also heard that after MC you are more fertile just after. Hoping you mentally treat yourself well, and then can get back onto TTC with a healthy easy journey x

Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 01/02/2022 09:11

[quote madeleine85]@Gemmalouise994 sending all the love your way, what an awful situation. Please take care of yourself. Like you, I didn't know I was pregnant with my first until well into it. I did it all wrong, yet somehow she was ok. Currently pregnant with second and I am terrified of it going wrong now that we have actually tried and it is my "focus". Statistically I think there is a 1/3 misscarriage rate, but that might be higher depending on age, lifestyle etc. The thing is that you are actively trying, so you would know when it were to happen. With your first, you would have been none the wiser most likely. Apparently they are much more common than we realise, and a lot of the time people don't know they even had one. My mum had 3 of us, and one MC. My friend had a MC and is almost full term right now. It really isn't the case that once you have one, then you are doomed to a slew of them in a row. I've also heard that after MC you are more fertile just after. Hoping you mentally treat yourself well, and then can get back onto TTC with a healthy easy journey x[/quote]

Aaaah what a lovely message thank you so much.
I hope it is the case and we get some baby dust sprinkles over here 😂

It's such a scary time and such a heartbreaking thing to go through for how common it is I really don't think it's given the airtime it deserves. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best 🥰🥰

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Hoppinggreen · 01/02/2022 09:18

I am very sorry for your loss.
I lost my first baby at 12 weeks and wondered if it meant a long road of losses and fertility issues ahead. However I got pg again very very quickly (probably too quickly really) and DD is now 17 and amazing. I also have a wonderful (mostly) 13 year old DS who I conceived pretty easily
I hope things work out for you x

HeyBlaby · 01/02/2022 09:39

Been here recently and managed to convince myself I had all sorts wrong with me, it's awful but the anxiety and grief does lessen as time goes on. I am now 9 weeks pregnant 3 months later and had a scan showing all is good.

Rrrob · 01/02/2022 09:41

I was scared too. I had a mc last summer and totally didn’t expect it. Did all the right things. Now 12 weeks pregnant and things are looking ok so far.

Heartofglass12345 · 01/02/2022 10:00

It's nothing you've done, please don't blame yourself (easier said than done I know)
I had a miscarriage at around 8-9 weeks and got pregnant again about 2 months later with my son who is now 6, his brother is 8.
I hope the next time it is successful for you, and take no notice of you mother. Plenty of people rent and aren't married for their own reasons, it has nothing to do with her. I wouldn't even discuss it with her anymore for you x

Heartofglass12345 · 01/02/2022 10:01

Sorry just realised you said parents not mother, but the same goes

Chanel05 · 01/02/2022 14:19

Sorry for your loss. A pregnancy after a loss is always a worrying time I'm afraid too.

I had a mmc in 2019. I conceived again 8 cycles later and now have a very busy 16 month old!

Original poster

Gemmalouise994 · 01/02/2022 15:43

It's so reassuring to hear all these stories and responses thank you so much ladies 🥰🥰🥰🥰

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jackstini · 01/02/2022 15:54

So sorry for your loss

I had dd, then a MMC about 18 months later. A chemical pregnancy a month after that then successfully caught with ds 4 months after that

Good luck