Can I request to not go into spontaneous labour?

[Suprima]

I’m nearly 20 weeks with severe anxiety over miscarriage due to pass losses. This baby looks well though and I am desperately trying to be positive. I am attempting to access perinatal mental health support but it is sparse, although I do have a telephone assessment next week which may lead to me becoming consultant led. The vulnerable woman’s referral has been made three times but it hasn’t been picked up yet.

I can’t imagine even having a baby right now, but I am aware my next midwife appointment will be discussing birth choices and potential plans.

I do not want to go into labour at home. My anxiety is so crippling that I don’t want to be away from the hospital when the time comes. I want to be monitored. I don’t want to go through being sent home and told to come back later. Everyday I am so scared my baby is dead and I know this isn’t going to let up any time soon.

Has anyone had any luck with a maternal request induction or c section (I don’t care either way) as soon as baby is cooked at 38 weeks-ish? The thought of it happening and not being near a hospital and something going wrong after 9 months of anxiety (I hate being pregnant) is so vicious.

Hi there,
Just thought I would give you a little message to say I was in exact place you are but I am now nearly 26 weeks and doing so much better. I had extreme anxiety to the point I couldn’t leave my bed, I would cry 24/7 and couldn’t even let my husband leave my side to go the bathroom without nearly having a panic attack. It was horrendous. Physically I had no symptoms but mentally it nearly killed me. I didn’t want to talk about the baby to anyone, didn’t let my husband get excited at all, I didn’t want to bond with the baby, just wanted to sleep it all away. My midwife was so concerned for me one particular day she gave me the crisis number and regularly phoned me on her day offs as she was so worried. We decided to get a plan in place as I couldn’t cope anymore (neither could my husband it was destroying him seeing me like that) I also knew if I didn’t act now I was going to be on a slippery slope after baby arrived. I am now on sertraline and speak to a therapist every week via iapt. I also see the midwife every week for a chat to see how I am and listen to baby. I am also with the perinatal mental health team who will be further involved later in pregnancy. I just begged for every bit of help I could get as I hated my existence. I can now tell you I am a different person, of course that anxiety is there but it’s not an all consuming, overwhelming existence anymore. I’m getting a bit excited now he kicks and i can control my awful thoughts more.i couldnt rationalise the horrendous thoughts before but now they don’t feel as big and heavy in my mind. In the earlier days my anxiety would be like a black bear ready to get me as soon as I opened my eyes and be with me until I closed my eyes at night. It filled my head with the most negative thoughts about the baby and I literally thought I would lose the pregnancy every minute of every day. Now the bear growl is gentler and quieter. I don’t cry every day and my husband can go to work. I have even started buying bits whereas as the thought of that before made me physically sick. Literally. My midwife, gp, therapist all just said it the pregnancy hormones and there was a massive imbalance. They were so supportive in getting me help and I did start to feel better from 17 weeks. I also started sertraline week 16 and saw the most massive difference but I know that’s not a route people might want to go down and I fully understand that. In terms of birth plan I felt exact same as you, I can’t handle the thought of spontaneous labour. I discussed this with my midwife and she fully supported my decision in wanting a c section in fact she suggested it and has really pushed it for it to happen. My perinatal mental health team also fully support me so please say exactly what your saying here to your midwife and it can be allowed under maternal request for a genuine reason like anxiety. Please know things can and will get better. It’s about just trying things until something works because feeling like this is just horrendous. I wish you peace and calm and every wish that you can enjoy your pregnancy one day. I’m really sure you will and if you can’t enjoy it, at least i hope your mind will let you have some peace. I completely understand how you are feeling. Sending lots of love xx

You can request a c-section without reason these days, they can refuse but must refer you to someone who will agree to it.
Induction, not sure about requesting that early and if baby is not ready that can be a very lengthy process so I wouldn't do that.

Our last I didn't want to labour as she was measuring big and I was worried about scar rupture (after having breech twins via c-section). I was booked in for elcs at 39 weeks, I went in to labour at 38+6 and did get scar rupture as she was 10lb 15oz. Babies rarely play ball.

Hi, I am too, struggling with constant crippling anxiety. Our baby is ivf after 8 years of trying and multiple failures. I am 31 weeks and no one discussed birth plan with me yet. Like you, I don’t want to take any risks and ideally, would like to give birth at 38/39 weeks. I have been diagnosed with GD recently so that might actually work. I am actually pleased to finally see a consultant and have more scans after feeling completely abandoned and on my own.

I found this thread recently where a number of ladies said they were induced due to maternal anxiety over reduced movements- so hopefully they will agree to induce you early too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/4465303-reduced-movements

Just to let you know I had elected for a section on mental health grounds (2020). I went into labour spontaneously at 37 weeks so didn’t get the controlled birth I had wanted. However, when I got to the hospital I explained I was under the specialist midwife and that it had been agreed I could have a section, tneh did this but it was classed as an emergency section as baby was already making his way down the birth canal.

Baby’s have a mind of their own I swear

Yes u definitely can request a maternal induction/section. Sometimes it has to be referred higher up but there is usually no reason to refuse especially if previous miscarriage.
And the trust I work at automatically offer induction/sections to IVF pregnancy @Ania89

Oh you poor thing. I'm having terrible pregnancy anxiety too, at only ten weeks, it's awful isn't it? This is a much wanted IVF baby and as I have Lupus Anticoagulant Antibodies I'm going to ask for them to be taken out at 38 weeks (if we get that far, please.) It's in the last two weeks the anitbodies can attack so I'm desperately hoping they agree.

If you want to talk about pregnancy/anxiety/ocd/mental illness then please PM me.
xx

You'll need an elective section to be honest. I'd not suggest induction as too won't get the monitoring you think you need and your Labour will probably be longer and more painful. I'd just suggest kindly that you look into things carefully. Noting wrong with a section but your recovery will be longer and it might be that some mw advice and hypnobirthing can get you thru another path

you can request a csection at 38/39 weeks but you still risk a spontanous labour if it starts earlier (i had a csection booked at 38 weeks but went into spontanous labour at 34 weeks. thankfully my baby girl was fine). So i reccomend maybe seeing someone to deal with those anxieties.

But also know that you can go into hospital whenever you like during labour. they can reccomend you go home if they think it will be a while but they can't force you

I had DS in 2021 after infertility and 2 losses at an advanced age and reading your message really reminded me of how I was. I absolutely hated being pregnant. I think there are maybe 2 photos of me that show my bump and I still can't stand looking at them now.

Your experience might be better but for me I definitely found the end of the 2nd trimester/ beginning of the 3rd the easiest so hopefully you will have some brighter days. I could feel the baby kicking really frequently and was visibly pregnant. A few days I almost enjoyed! Then as the birth approached I got worse. A lot worse. That was the end point of the process and in my mind the only outcome was that my baby would die.

I tried hypnobirthing because everyone told me how great it was. It was a horror show for me. I wasn't worried about giving birth or how painful it would be - I honestly think I could've got through whatever was thrown at me - I was just terrified that at the end there would be the midwife with the same sad face from the scans saying "I'm so sorry..." Obviously that was incredibly unlikely but in my mind it was inevitable and hypnobirthing made me live it again and again - I just couldn't get the image out of my head. I gave up on that and did pregnancy yoga instead - that was great. It gave me 45 minutes each week where I wasn't in my own head - and helped my back feel better!

As my due date approached I started obsessing over movements. At 38 weeks I went to the maternity unit I think 4 times, once at 4am, because of reduced movements. I wasn't making it up - I think I was just so aware of my baby all the time that I noticed small changes. Every time I was absolutely convinced my baby had died and cried when I heard their heartbeat on the monitor. After that week they got the consultant in and recommended an induction and we agreed a date. It wasn't that I asked for it - I didn't know I could. The hospital thought it was the best thing. I had an epidural so had constant monitoring and it was relatively pain free (another story).

One thing I would say is that the anxiety didn't really go away - it is worth pushing to get help now. I developed PNA and PND. For example at 6 months old I pulled over on the M6 hard shoulder in hysterics because I was sure my baby had died in his car seat (he was sleeping peacefully).

I f hate that I had infertility and losses - I used to be a resilient, funny, successful person and now I think my mind is irreparably broken. But I love my son, and take it one day at a time. And things are better than they were and get better each month that passes. Good luck with your pregnancy and with your baby - I hope everything goes well. I'm sure it will!

I have intervention from a specialist midwife team for trauma and it's been ridiculously difficult to get a CS agreed. If that's what you want make sure you are insistent as early on as possible and make sure they listen to you.
I was fobbed off repeatedly (plus the care has been shocking, no access to midwives etc) and they agreed CS yesterday but I'm due in 2wks and they struggled to fit me in. They usually do it a week before your due date at my hospital but unfortunately I'll have to go full term. It's looking like I'll have to be admitted this Monday coming and stay for the 2wks until CS due to other issues.
I'm pretty sure you can still have a CS if you go into labour - as long as you're not too far along anyway. That's what I was told yesterday anyway.

I was induced for my first birth and it was horrendous. 4 days in labour just being left in pain and distress. They very nearly caused the death of me and my baby so I'm keen this time to ensure they do not induce me again.