Struggling after miscarriage :(

[cardiffgal22]

Hi everyone. To cut a long story short, I found out last week I was pregnant after having 4 strong BFPs - this came as a huge surprise as I only had my IUD removed on 22nd December so didn't expect this to happen so soon! Nevertheless me and my fiance were over the moon once the shock had subsided. Around a week later I however started bleeding and cramping and it has since become apparent that I have miscarried. I am really struggling with this - it feels so cruel as I had only just got my head around being pregnant in the first place. I know this would be far worse if we had been TTC for ages but it still really hurts :( the process of miscarrying was so painful and horrible and I don't feel like myself atm. I am in awe of just how many people have gone through this and have been ok afterwards, it has made me realise just how strong women are. My thoughts are with anyone else who has gone through this, especially those who have experienced the same far later in their pregnancy. Hoping I will start to feel better soon, but finding it really hard right now. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can start accepting this and moving on? xxx

So sorry this happened to you; it really is awful, and I think made more awful by the sort of secrecy that surrounds it and therefore the lack of support. Also by the whole "don't tell til 12 weeks" trope that persists whether people personally do that or not; I think it leaves people feeling very alone, regardless of their experience/outcome. No advice, as trying to move forward myself, but I'm here if you want to talk. If you end up ttc again there is a really nice thread with ladies in the same boat that has helped me feel less alone.

Oh OP, I am so sorry you went through this.
I had a very early miscarriage (roughly as early as you by the sounds of things) 2 years ago and I remember feeling a shell of myself for weeks.
You finally get your head around being pregnant and how your life’s going to change, to having it taken away from you. It feels so cruel and undeserving, but I promise you time is a healer.
I think my best advise would be to allow yourself to grieve, I took longer to process my loss because I felt silly almost for being upset about losing something that was so small, but it’s important to allow yourself to grieve that loss.

I don’t know if your anything like me, but I went into panic thinking there’s something wrong with me and I couldn’t have children - but please don’t do this to yourself. Miscarriages this early are classed as Chemical pregnancies, and happen because there is something wrong with the chromosomes as it try’s to implant. It means it’s your body’s way of naturally selecting your best children, essentially means the baby never would have made it. It happens WAY more often that people realise. If it also helps, I have currently found out I am 6 weeks pregnant so if I can do, I know you can too

Dear OP, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is devastating 😢 In my case, I spent very sad days since I found out about my MMC until it passed and everything was over. After that I felt better progressively. As a positive note, I got pregnant 4months after and everything is going right so far 😊

I'm so sorry you have been through this OP. I myself went through miscarriage at 5-6 weeks not long ago. Just like you it took me a while to process but then I was very happy. I chose not to tell anyone for a couple of weeks only my husband and mum knew but I used Mumsnet to read stories and share which reallr helped. Please do give yourself time to grieve and speak to loved ones. It will take time but there is so much support out there. Don't let it make you think you can't try again but don't rush either. I remember feeling like if I tried again as soon as possible after then I won't feel bad but I realise now that you need to allow yourself the time to grieve. Even now a few months on I find it really difficult to be around babies or young children. Time is helping me and talking regularly with loved ones as well. Please please message on here and I am sure everyone will be happy to support.

I'm so sorry. Look into the Worst Girl Gang ever podcasts and Facebook support group. I found them useful and it helped me feel less alone.

You're not fine now, but you will be. There is nothing you did that caused this, and nothing you could have done that would have changed anything.

It's the worst club to be a part of, but every single one of us have felt like you do now. Just being kind to yourself is all you can do. Talk (when you're ready) to whoever you feel comfortable telling, look after yourself, take time to rest, grieve and heal. You might be funny around pregnant women and babies for a while (god knows I was), and that's ok. Time really does make things better too.

Wishing you best of luck for the future.

Hi @cardiffgal22 I've had consecutive miscarriages, and still no kids. I went through a year of hell almost to the point where I was driving myself insane in self-blame. But then I realised, God takes away what wasn't meant for us & whether i don't understand it now, maybe after a long number of years I'll realise why I had to go through these miscarriages..

Perhaps to make me stronger? Fearless? Recognise my worth?

I'm now 38+3 pregnant, due anytime now — yet the fear of loss never subsided. If anything, it's almost like you build your life around this grief and embrace it.

Don't push it away or let others make you suppress your loss. It's your experience, it's your everything — take time for yourself, reflect, ponder and learn to love again.

Sending you lots of love and prayers x

Thank you so much for the kind words everyone ❤️ they have genuinely helped me so so much! @Ganesh2022 I completely agree that it’s made worse by the secrecy surrounding the subject, we weren’t going to tell anyone until 12 weeks so now feel it would be difficult to tell people what has happened. I think once I’m feeling a bit better I will speak to friends about what has happened as I think it’s important to break the taboo, I would hate for anyone else to be as shocked and confused as I have been. It feels like the most exclusive club in the world but not in a nice way, hearing others experiences has really helped. @Bexxe exactly the same thoughts have been running through my head - I’ve been worried that it might happen again or we will struggle to TTC. But I’ve realised there’s no point thinking that way atm as no one knows what the future holds! We have realised that we do definitely want a baby (we weren’t TTC) but will hold off a few months before trying again as I don’t want to become obsessive about it. Those who have since conceived rainbow babies, I am so happy for you 😊 hopefully this will also be me someday. @haidri thank you for sharing & I'm so sorry for what you have been through, you must be such a strong person ❤️ wishing you all the happiness in the world with your rainbow baby. I also keep trying to tell myself that there’s a reason for everything, it does help ✨ this just wasn’t our time!

Hi, at the time it is happening it is hell. Then with time - each day will get a bit easier but now again it will just hit you again - mostly for me when I was alone - so work with people all day and then cry driving home.

I also found miscarriage the most lonely time.

No one really knows what to say. And really no one can really help either.

For me - throwing myself into something else really helped.

Good luck with your recovery and I am hopeful that you will have your child