Pre-empting postnatal depression

[FebBabyNo1]

Hi all,

Just looking for a little hand hold, I think!

I have previously suffered with anxiety and mild depression and I'm terrified that it's going to hit me hard once baby arrives.

I am so, SO excited for her arrival (likely to be next week) and have such an overwhelming love for her already but I have always assumed I'll struggle with the impact on mental health in those first few weeks.

Due to me being covid positive and trying to ensure my partner doesn't catch it before the birth, we are currently social distancing in our home.

This is making me particularly anxious and emotional as I was so looking forward to this last week of enjoying time together as a twosome before everything changes (and again, I really am excited for the change!).

Is there anything I can be doing now to help the transition phase on my mental state? I feel silly for asking that but I just wondering as I am so worried about it spoiling the most amazing time of our lives...

I think it’s good you are considering all the possibilities but there’s no guarantee that even if you’ve suffered from mh issues in the past that you’ll be affected after baby is here! Many mums, regardless of previous mh issues or not, find it tough- so my fist piece of advice would be to try and relax about it and just take it day by day. No pressure!
I am 2.5 weeks into our first baby- I’ve cried a few times since being home! The thing that changes all for me is sleep. If you get no sleep it’s a very very hard job, if you get sleep it’s a hard job.. so my advice would be to do all you can to boost your chances of getting sleep. Congrats and good luck! Take it day by day.. hour by hour even at the start. Xox

Not everyone gets the hormone high after birth so you are right to be realistic about the possibility. With my first I suffered ptsd afterwards - my advice would be to just talk about how you are feeling. It’s fairly common to have the ‘baby blues’ as hormone levels hinge but if this lasts more than a couple of weeks then may want to seek help. Can you talk to your partner? I talked to my mum and my partner about how I was feeling which definitely helped. After my second I had the hormone high and was living on elated cloud 9 so totally different experience it really can go either way! And I too suffer from anxiety and mild depression particularly SAD

@sjxoxo oh you're so right, of course you are. My go-to advice for people who are finding things tough is always day-by-day, hour-by-hour. Isn't it funny that you can't take your own advice?!

I completely sympathise how much the lack of sleep must change things. People tell you how hard it can be to work off such little sleep but I guess until you live it, there's only so much you can prepare..

It's so silly, I've generally had a really lovely pregnancy and have been blessed with things being pretty straight forward (touch wood).

There's no rhyme or reason to PND hitting people with various MH histories, I know!

Thank you so much for your reply. And a HUGE congratulations on the arrival of your beautiful first baby xx

@PinkandBlueMotherofTwo thank you so much for sharing your experience.

My partner had no radar when it came to MH up until a couple of years ago and is now trying really hard to empathise and understand. So I definitely will share with him.

You're right; it can be so random as to how it affects people and there's no pattern to it so I probably need to stop worrying about it now and tackle what happens as it happens..

Thank you again xx

@FebBabyNo1
I am a similar position to you, I've suffered from anxiety & depression for many years.
My husband also had no real idea about MH issues, so really struggled when I had a depressive period during the first part of covid.
It did mean he coped much better when I struggled with my MH in the first trimester & was able to actually support me.
I also have the worry that I will get PND depression just because I've had MH issues before.
My mum & husband talked about it and have both done research so are 'on watch' for signs etc so they can support me and that's made me feel much more relaxed in the lead up, feeling like even if it does happen I won't be alone. Which is helping me be in a better headspace now as we approach the birth.
In terms of anxiety rather than PND I told my mum I needed her to not be too "why are you bothering to do it like that, I did this it's much easier; oh it's not safe anymore, well I raised 2 kids just fine" etc as she was already stressing me out before birth! So maybe if you can identify things that you know might cause you anxiety you could discuss them in advance too?
Do you think your husband/family/friends could offer support in some way? If they're informed and understanding in advance it will hopefully help even if you do get PND.

I think you're being really sensible to consider this. I haven't got a history with MH but honestly the "baby blues" hit me like a train after I had DS1. We'd had a long labour with a lot of intervention, I was exhausted, breastfeeding was a nightmare, I was exhausted, DH and I had no idea how to look after a baby, support in hospital was poor, did I mention I was exhausted?!

I felt like I'd been hit by a train and have honestly never felt so overwhelmed. In my experience, don't underestimate how much that exhaustion and sleep deprivation makes an already difficult situation even worse. Prioritise sleep for you and DP over everything else even if that means working in shifts to begin with. If you do plan to breastfeed, make sure your partner knows how much they can support you even though they're not actually feeding.

I don't know how close you are to due date but have you checked your trust's policy regarding covid if your partner were to test positive. DH and I were both positive when I went into labour but the only reason I was alone was due to having no childcare for DS1 due to us both isolating. Obviously not ideal but I definitely preferred that we both had it and were over it before DS2 arrived than having to be ill with a newborn.

@jolota I'm sorry to hear you've previously struggled and are also worried about your MH post-birth.

It sounds like you've been really sensible in sharing it and identifying what are your likely trigger points.

I struggle massively with self-esteem and self-worth. DP knows this and - with some mild prompting - reassures me when I'm low.

So I know that I will find it difficult that I won't look how I used to, that my partner won't have the time or energy (and quite rightly so!) to keep reassuring me, and that I'll worry people are judging me on my ability to raise a child / keep a home tidy / be a loving partner.

All ridiculous, I know. I would never judge anybody under such circumstances but there we go!

@BobbleWobble1 I am definitely nervous about the sleep deprevation. I become an emotional wreck when I'm tired at the best of times (the amount of times I cry at TV adverts, haha!).

I naively hope that you just-get-through-it but of course you're right, it takes much more pre-planning than that.

I'm really lucky in that DP gets three weeks of paternity leave so we can hopefully get in a good rhythm of supporting each other and tag-teaming those early days.

In terms of covid, my hospital have confirmed that he will not be allowed in if he's positive under any circumstances. This is really, really stressing me out.

I can't face having a different birth partner (again, the fear of being judged..) and think I'd have to do it alone if not with him.

BUT, so far, so good. He's still testing negative so we have everything crossed!

Thank you both so much for your help.

@FebBabyNo1 fingers crossed DP can be with you. As other people have said the lack of sleep is a killer and many (most?) babies only sleep when held for the first few weeks. The idea of "nap when the baby naps" is almost laughable to most new parents! Even overnight they often won't sleep ING their cot. If you have some people to help out that will really help you get enough sleep and it is so important. (I say this as my 9mo is waking around his cot during supposed nap time. At least he isn't crying. Yet). Have you thought about feeding at all? Breastfeeding, if successful, can reduce PND. But if it doesn't work it increases mental health issues. It also reduces the ability to tag team but can help with bonding. It's definitely worth thinking about before your baby is born as there are definitely pros and cons and it's very emotionally charged. Feeding challenges were definitely a key contributor in my PND.

@Mimba1 thank you so much for your message.

I hadn't given much thought about the connection between feeding and MH. At the moment, I am genuinely very open minded about feeding.

I've been collecting colostrum this week and it's going quite well. It's also elevating my anxiety about breast feeding. The idea of it can make me a bit squeamish and uncomfortable; I'm hoping this passes and it'll just feel 'natural'.

But I'm very aware that it's a really rocky ride for a lot of mum's and we are well prepared for bottle feeding if necessary..

Hi, I did want to read and run! I just wanted to add that whilst you feel you are bonding and excited for baby right now, please do not put pressure on “the rush of love” once baby makes their arrival. This was a massive contributor to my PND, as all my friends had positive stories & I felt something was wrong as I was just purely overwhelmed and could feel nothing!

Be present in the moment, allow yourself to feel exactly as you are & just have an open line of communication without pressure.

Just to add my PND was severe, but here I am 6 month post baby and I feel as if everything is finally coming together and my love for her has grown so strong!

Don’t be afraid to take all the help and support you can x

Really sensible to think about it.

I had PND with DS1, first time I'd really had depression. When I was pregnant with DS2 i realised I had AND I was so worried about having PND again. So I took myself off to the GP (you don't really see GPs while you're pregnant, just the pee in the pot midwives) and had a great chat with her, talked about medication I could try while pregnant (I decided not to) and some I could use while breast feeding but possibly more importantly she booked me in for 30 minute chat a couple of weeks after my due date. Just for a chat. I felt supported, it was like a weight was lifted and of course I had no issues at all second time around.

So you're very wise to think about it and I'd suggest you make contact with your GPs and find one you think would be supportive if you need them.

@MummySS thank you for your message. I have been so focused on how to prevent PND that I didn't think about just living in the moment.

I know I will love and adore my little girl; I already do. But like you say, that feeling might not be the Hollywood moment I have in my head - but it doesn't mean I love her any less!

I will just take each moment as it comes. Thank you xx

@TwinkleToesStrikesAgain thank you so much for sharing your experience.

I didn't even realise the GP would offer follow-up chats, that's such a good idea. When I've previously spoken to a therapist, sometimes just knowing I'd have ethe opportunity to open up and share would be enough to keep me focused during those difficult moments.

I will definitely look into that as it seems a great idea. Thank you!! xx