Can someone help please ?

[ljm1x]

This will probably sound ridiculous to some, I am 25 and I am pregnant with my first baby, I have pcos and never thought this would happen. I still live at home just now but had already planned to move out this year. My mum and dad are strong believers in marriage before a baby and i am not married. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year which I know is not long. We both work full time in very stable jobs but I am so terrified to tell my mum and dad I'm pregnant because I know what their reaction will be already. Does anyone have advice of the best way to do this ?

You want advice about how to tell your parents? Is that right?

Yes

I would just be straight with them op. Just tell them! You never know they might surprise you. Ps congratulations!

@PinkandBlueMotherofTwo

I would just be straight with them op. Just tell them! You never know they might surprise you. Ps congratulations!

Thank you so much. I feel I know exactly how their going to react, I don't blame them I know that this isn't what they wanted for me but given my circumstances with pcos I do hope they'll understand

Just tell them. These things happen and they might see it as a nice surprise!
Once baby is born, they'll be doting grandparents.

So you know they are against babies before marriage. But how do you think they will react? This could trigger anything from an honour killing to very happy parents who immediately forget everything they’ve every said about marriage and are just ecstatic to be becoming grandparents. What sort of reactions do you think are possible in your parents’ case?

@Danikm151

Just tell them. These things happen and they might see it as a nice surprise! Once baby is born, they'll be doting grandparents.

Thank you, I know that they will end up happy and excited, I just hate the thought of the initial reaction which I am 99.9% sure is not going to be a positive one

Would they throw you out? Would they demand hou have an abortion? (They don’t get a choice in that decision obviously but some parents would be telling you to have one) Will they cry or give you the silent treatment? Will they be shocked? Will they be worried? Do they like your bf?

Tell them straight. If they are unhappy you can explicitly say, "I know this is not what you wanted for me and goes against some of your beliefs. However, I am hoping you'll want to be part of me and your grandchild's life. You are really important to me and id love your support". You're an adult and don't need their permission to have a baby.

That said - will you be moving out etc? If you intend to live there then having a baby would have a big impact on their lives too

I was in this position op, only I was 21 and at uni. I told my mum on the phone and she told my dad. They were disappointed and made it clear there was no room at home for a baby too. They mentioned abortion. I chose to move out and keep my baby. My parents weren't disappointed for long.

@Allpenguinsarepingus

So you know they are against babies before marriage. But how do you think they will react? This could trigger anything from an honour killing to very happy parents who immediately forget everything they’ve every said about marriage and are just ecstatic to be becoming grandparents. What sort of reactions do you think are possible in your parents’ case?

I think that they will be very happy and excited once they calm down but it's just their initial reaction I know won't be very good. I think my dad will be more understanding than my mum. My biggest thing is I hate dissapointing them and I feel they will be dissapointed in me as this isn't what they wanted for me

Ok, so you’re expecting an initial shocked or unhappy reaction but nothing scary or dangerous followed by happiness later on. Not so bad then. Maybe cook/buy dinner for them + your bf and tell them together? You could tell them in advance that you’ve got some news. They might be imagining an engagement announcement rather than a baby but it will be less of a shock that way perhaps. Sometimes doing these things in a public place tempers the reactions.

@Allpenguinsarepingus

Would they throw you out? Would they demand hou have an abortion? (They don’t get a choice in that decision obviously but some parents would be telling you to have one) Will they cry or give you the silent treatment? Will they be shocked? Will they be worried? Do they like your bf?

They wouldn't throw me out and they wouldn't mention abortion either I don't think I think they'll basically just tell me their disspointed in me and tell me its my choice but it won't be easy which I do know; I feel the thought of this is just horrible

@TheDaydreamBelievers

Tell them straight. If they are unhappy you can explicitly say, "I know this is not what you wanted for me and goes against some of your beliefs. However, I am hoping you'll want to be part of me and your grandchild's life. You are really important to me and id love your support". You're an adult and don't need their permission to have a baby.

That said - will you be moving out etc? If you intend to live there then having a baby would have a big impact on their lives too

Yes I think I'm just going to go down this route of saying something like this. I 100% agree with you and I know that and they also know I'm an adult it's just really the thought of them being disappointed in me I hate a lot 🥺 no I definitely plan on moving out; my boyfriend and I were already planning to move out before any of this

@Hotpinkangel19

I was in this position op, only I was 21 and at uni. I told my mum on the phone and she told my dad. They were disappointed and made it clear there was no room at home for a baby too. They mentioned abortion. I chose to move out and keep my baby. My parents weren't disappointed for long.

I don't think they'll be disaapointed for long at all it's really just the dread of having to tell them and their initial reaction that's stressing me out

@Allpenguinsarepingus

Ok, so you’re expecting an initial shocked or unhappy reaction but nothing scary or dangerous followed by happiness later on. Not so bad then. Maybe cook/buy dinner for them + your bf and tell them together? You could tell them in advance that you’ve got some news. They might be imagining an engagement announcement rather than a baby but it will be less of a shock that way perhaps. Sometimes doing these things in a public place tempers the reactions.

Yes good idea, thank you for your help. Making me feel slightly better knowing myself that they won't be angry forever

Incidentally are you and your bf planning on getting married? Would they appreciate the idea of a quiet little registry office wedding sometime before the baby is born? Is that something you and your bf would like? If your relationship doesn’t work out you can get divorced. I know divorce is more complicated than a normal breakup but that’s largely because of shared assets. If you’re young and don’t have many assets yet it’s less of a consideration.

My mum doesn't have the same beliefs as your parents but a lot had gone on in my relationship, my partner is a recovering alcoholic and had spent quite a bit of time in hospital at the start of our relationship due to this, pancreas issues and diabetics. I won't lie I was absolutely shitting myself about telling my mum! I ended up going round to hers on my own and telling her. She was shocked but supportive and then text a few hours later to say that now was over the shock she was excited. I'm now 35 weeks and we have only just this week managed to get a house together (was living with his parents previously). I won't lie her initial response did leave me feeling a little upset but now she's really on the nanny thing of buying everything baby in sight and counting down the days better than me until she's here! Just tell the truth, the quicker you do it the better you'll feel. You can do this!! Xx

Does your bf live with you in your parent’s house atm?

How pregnant are you?

@BabyFeb22

My mum doesn't have the same beliefs as your parents but a lot had gone on in my relationship, my partner is a recovering alcoholic and had spent quite a bit of time in hospital at the start of our relationship due to this, pancreas issues and diabetics. I won't lie I was absolutely shitting myself about telling my mum! I ended up going round to hers on my own and telling her. She was shocked but supportive and then text a few hours later to say that now was over the shock she was excited. I'm now 35 weeks and we have only just this week managed to get a house together (was living with his parents previously). I won't lie her initial response did leave me feeling a little upset but now she's really on the nanny thing of buying everything baby in sight and counting down the days better than me until she's here! Just tell the truth, the quicker you do it the better you'll feel. You can do this!! Xx

I'm glad your mum came round so quick for you and was excited ! I think the best idea is me to tell them myself without my boyfriend there. I'm still really early I think I'm only about 6 weeks so obviously never know what can happen but i feel keeping it from them is giving me more stress than needed. Thank u xxx

@Allpenguinsarepingus

How pregnant are you?

Just to reply to all your things, I'm not sure about the wedding part; we spoke about gettint engaged and things, initially our plans were to not have children before marriage but obviously that has changed, he doesn't live with me in my house just now and I'm still very early; I'm only roughly 6 weeks I think, I'm going for a scan tomorrow because of my pcos I'm not actually sure how far I am