Unplanned second pregnancy

[BlossomBlue]

Hello,
I'm a mess and I don't know what to do. I have a 2:10 year old little boy who I adore and I perfect. I am married and my husband is an excellent father, who is clear (and always has been) that he does not want more children.
Now, I am pregnant, about 7 weeks. I have been taking the pill but I am. The doctor says it happens. I don't know what to do. My husband does not want this second baby, and while he would never force me to have a termination, he cannot pretend that he wants a baby. He has actually resigned himself to having another, but I know this makes his desperately worried an unhappy. He thinks we cannot manage financially, logistically or with space on our house, and I think that it will certainly be very hard. Other people seem to do it all the time and I don't understand how, I am terrified of having another newborn while also having my son. He is a darling but having a baby floored me with how desperately hard it was. The thought of doing it again is terrifying, especially knowing my husband doesn't want to do it.
How do people manage with two? My son didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time until he was 2, and I only stopped breastfeeding a month ago. I don't know how to do it again, without my poor son losing out on my time and love.
If my husband was on board then I think I would be ok. He will support me but I don't feel like it will be ok. I am not ruling out having an abortion but don't know how to make this decision.
I guess I am looking for any advice or experience from anyone who has been in this position. And I am desperate and don't know who else to ask.

Your son will not lose out on love! Neither will you love him less or not be able to share you love equally between your children. You’ll adore them both.

My eldest was a non-sleeper, high needs baby. My second couldn’t be more different. He slept, could put him down. Content baby and content happy child. Don’t forget if your DS is almost 3 you’ll get 30 hours at nursery so it will help financially.

You need to sit together and talk about it logically and practically. Don’t rush into anything, as equally your DS may love a sibling.

Thank you. I do know that long term we would all love the baby, but I can't get past the fact that my husband was so clear about not wanting another, and that the burden of another child will fall on him in so many ways. I'm scared that ultimately we would fall apart if I make him have the life he didn't want. He's such a good man x

Hey! You will absolutely still love your eldest and be able to give him what he needs! I have two sons and they are just 17 months apart. My eldest can’t and won’t remember a time before his little brother was here and they’re very close. Also they’re similar in age so will have lots in common and grow up at similar stages.

I think your age gap would be lovely, your son would have a sibling and people absolutely do manage with 2 financially. Like previous poster says your little one will get free childcare hours soon which takes the pressure off!

I too am pregnant currently, 6 weeks but plan to have a termination as with a 3 and 2 year old we really can’t cope with a third. Physically, mentally or financially! It saddens me truly but I would be sacrificing our families quality of life. Plus I’m not sure I’d cope with three under four!

Hope you make the right decision for you all x

I can totally empathise. I'm pregnant with no 3 now and it was entirely unplanned and if I'm honest I was distraught about it until about 20 weeks, I'm 28 weeks now. I didn't want another, and we have no space 😅
You're still very early, feelings are going to be all over the place, it took me a while to come around and my OH was fine with it from the beginning.
I'd probably expect he might take quite a while to come around to the idea of two children, maybe even until baby is actually here. But you said he's a good dad and I bet he'll love baby to bits when he/she is here, and neither of you will ever be able to imagine life without that baby again.

The transition for me between 1 and 2 was quite hard, but it was made worse by postnatal depression and that I didn't seek any help or support for it, or even talk to any family about it. Definitely make sure you've got good support in place in case you end up with PPD, and for your husband too as men also get PPD.

There's 18 months between my first two and my eldest couldn't talk yet by the time her sister was born which made it difficult.
There's a book called "there's a house in mummy's tummy" that's really nice and I've been reading it to my 3.5yo and 2yo this time around. My youngest will be 2y 4m when this baby is here, and that's a smaller gap than I'd wanted if we ever had a third.

I'll also say neither of you should feel bad or guilty for not feeling good about this pregnancy, it doesn't mean you'll love baby any less when they're here.

With my second pregnancy, half the time I was in a state of "what have I done? Why am I doing this?" And my second daughter is a delight and now I couldn't imagine not having her here.

I think it would be healthy to just talk about the situation a lot, let him know you think he's a wonderful father and that even though this situation isn't ideal that he's going to do a great job.
It could take him a while to come around though, I was surprised how long it took me to come around to it and I'm the one who can actually feel the baby.

I won't lie, it's much harder having two. It makes having one look very easy 😅 but I think it gets easier after that first couple of months.

if I make him have the life he didn't want.

This works both ways.

If your husband was clear he didn't want another he should have gotten a vasectomy or abstained from sex. He did neither.