Maternity Leave Advice

[Lillie1]

Hi everyone,

New to this site and i’ve just found out I’m expecting my first child - i’m 10 weeks. The father has decided he doesn’t want involvement and made it clear i can’t expect any support from him.

Looking at maternity pay and I’m starting to feel a little stressed and maybe i’ll be a bad mam. My company pay 15 weeks enhanced and I won’t be able to afford to go onto SMP.

Has anyone returned after 15 weeks or shorter?

My hairdresser has returned at 6 weeks with both of hers. Her mum looked after them until they were 4 months then they went to nursery a couple of days a week.
Do you have any family support?

Also he can't opt out of child support payments

I'm sure you've weighed all your options, but just in case. How will you arrange childcare when you return to work? That's another consideration as it can be expensive and after forking out for a nursery you may not be much better off than if you were on SMP.

15 weeks however isn't a disaster. It's probably sooner than you'd like, but many places have maternity policies that are worse than that. US statutory mat leave is only 2 weeks (which is barbaric, admittedly, but people do it when they have no choice) and I think in Switzerland it's 14 weeks from when the child is born.

Have you looked at benefit calculators as to what you'd be entitled to once on smp? This is usually more favourable if renting.

Thank you, I don’t feel so bad now. I have family very close. He feels he should not pay maintenance 1) he will give the child money on his terms 2) he doesn’t want it so why should he pay! However a lot can change over the next several months.

I work from home and manage my own diary, i’m on 24/7 call so i can take time out when i want and can arrange my working day around my home life. Child care isn’t a worry.

I don’t think I’m entitled to any benefits because i work? The calculator i’ve used say 90% of wage or £151 whichever is lower. I make considerable more and wouldn’t be able to pay my mortgage or bills on that.

Most people who claim universal credit work. Go onto the website 'entitled to' to check if you'd get anything on mat pay.
Start saving whatever you can now.
You'll find it hard to work whilst looking after a baby.
It doesn't matter what he says about money, as soon as the baby is born put a claim in with CSA

It doesn’t matter what he wants or feels. Legally he’s obliged to pay you child support for his child. If he is showing his true colours this early then at least you know and can prepare - get ready to make a claim through the child maintenance service as soon as your baby is born. This will give you the best chance of getting what he owes you to support his child.

Re going back at 15 weeks, I’m sure it will feel hard at first but if you have family around that will help a lot and the baby might settle better with others than they would when older and more prone to separation anxiety. You might be able to extend a bit longer - if you want to - through using annual leave after the baby is born. Check what you might get in child benefit, universal credit etc too.

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.

@shouldistop

Most people who claim universal credit work. Go onto the website 'entitled to' to check if you'd get anything on mat pay. Start saving whatever you can now. You'll find it hard to work whilst looking after a baby. It doesn't matter what he says about money, as soon as the baby is born put a claim in with CSA

That’s a handy site, i’m only entitled to child benefit.

3 months maternity was standard 3 months ago, it totally not unusual.

Years*

@FTEngineerM

3 months maternity was standard 3 months ago, it totally not unusual.

Do you mean 30 years ago?

It doesnt matter what he or anybody else thinks or wants he is legally obliged to pay maintenance if he is the father of your child.

Definitely get in touch with the CSA regarding him supporting your child

And congrats! ✨

Alot of people went back then 18 plus years ago. 6 months max was the general rule.
Save like mad between now and then to try and cover a few extra weeks if you want a bit longer.
He will have to pay child support so get your claim in as soon as baby is born.

Please check again with some of the benefits calculators as if your income including statutory mat pay is not enough to cover your outgoings you will be eligible for universal credit. I have a well paid job and mortgage but during my period of statutory mat leave I will be eligible for around 600 universal credit a month on top of statutory mat pay, according to the calculators.
If it's maternity allowance rather than statutory maternity pay then the situation is different, due to a very unfair way the two types of maternity payments are treated by the system: maternityaction.org.uk/2020/03/universal-credit-when-is-maternity-pay-not-maternity-pay/

Do a benefits calculator according to smp rather than your salary
As you have a mortgage it will be less but will mean your work allowance is higher so less deducted for salary

Thank you everyone, i did use my wages and not smp - i will do it again.

You should be able to add accrued annual leave onto your 15 weeks and bank holidays - mgiht give you a bit more time with pay.

15 weeks is far too short! People do it but really you'd be leaving a newborn and we know they do better when with primary carer for as long as possible. I think nurseries around me will only start from 6 months. What will you do for childcare? Also cost of childcare might be the same as the difference in smp and full salary.

I would save like mad now, cut every cost you can to be able to afford an extra few months. Go on marketplace for baby bits, other than mattress and car seat it can all be second hand- newborn stuff will be hardly used anyway. Also can you roll this years holiday over to next? Then added to accrued leave when on maternity you should have a couple of extra months.

Honestly it will be worth it. I couldn't leave a baby that small 5 days a week. I don't think I'd even left DS for more than an hour or 2 at that age and only with his dad.

Actually you could just take a loan out, money is so cheap right now. Interest added is very small percentage wise. Obviously only if you are certain you can pay it back. I think I'd do this to get to a year off at least.

@justwonderingifyou that's not really helpful to op's situation. If she has to work, she has to work. there are loads of nurseries here that take babies from 3 months. It will be expensive though, you have that point. it was £105 per day before 1 for mine, with a five % discount for her twin and that was several years ago.

The baby's father doesn't actually have choice about when and how much he pays. If he is working then he is obligated to pay child maintenance. It's a "tough shit" situation and I hope you've said as much to him

@JustWonderingIfYou

15 weeks is far too short! People do it but really you'd be leaving a newborn and we know they do better when with primary carer for as long as possible. I think nurseries around me will only start from 6 months. What will you do for childcare? Also cost of childcare might be the same as the difference in smp and full salary.

I would save like mad now, cut every cost you can to be able to afford an extra few months. Go on marketplace for baby bits, other than mattress and car seat it can all be second hand- newborn stuff will be hardly used anyway. Also can you roll this years holiday over to next? Then added to accrued leave when on maternity you should have a couple of extra months.

Honestly it will be worth it. I couldn't leave a baby that small 5 days a week. I don't think I'd even left DS for more than an hour or 2 at that age and only with his dad.

I work from home so wouldn’t require child care, however i feel guilty that my attention would be split.

SMP is only £151 and coppers and i make close to £900 a week - big difference. I’m lucky that I don’t have any debt other than a mortgage. But my bills reflect my wages and the cost of living is crazy. For example gas and electric is £200 per month… i’m a one person household. But that’s the cheapest is could find.