My dads secret child

[Mobypeach22]

Im 28 years old and currently pregnant with my first child. I have 2 sisters that I’m close with and my family are close as a whole. I found out around 10 years ago that my dad had another child before he was with my mum (my sisters didn’t know until this week). He always knew she existed but that’s as far as it went, he had never met her or been part of her life and she hasn’t been spoken about since.

I’m 2 months away from giving birth to what I thought was his first grandchild and was really excited to have him around and be a grandad, but he’s just told me he’s reached out too and has been to meet the other daughter for the first time recently and it all went well and they added each other online etc and want to try and build a relationship - I also found out she has a young daughter herself so he is in fact already a grandad, ouch..

Don’t get me wrong I’m glad the girl now knows who her dad is and he is stepping up and taking responsibility. but I feel very angry that he’s known about her for 30 years and has decided now is a good time to want her in his life and expects me to be ok with it. I don’t get why he couldn’t have done this at literally any other time. It could be that I feel threatened, and that instead of me and my newborn being a priority I’m worried he will be more focused on making up the missed time with her instead.

Am I a bad person for feeling like this? I feel like I’m making a situation about me but I don’t know what to do or say to him and it’s getting me really down. I usually hate the idea of being the centre of attention however Im only a few weeks away from the biggest thing to happen to me and I kind of want my dad to myself for a bit and feel hurt that he’s done this now and have no current interest in meeting her or hearing about it.

I feel like I’m making a situation about me
Well, you are though.

Him finally being some sort of father is a good thing.

Sometimes we have to though, we all have our own feelings. Like I said it’s not that I don’t want them to have a relationship. I feel sad that it’s not like he’s just learned she exists, he could’ve picked anytime over the last 30 years and he chooses to do it now and expects me and my sisters to jump on board. It’s a lot to take in at any time let alone being 7 months pregnant

You have a new sister and a niece, your baby will have a cousin. I would embrace the additions to the family. Better than pushing yourself further away.

Yeah you're being rather unreasonable tbh.

It's his first child and first grandchild.

Not that this applies to you, but anecdotally I find that so many women seem to feel like the universe should revolve around them when they're having their first child. It's a beautiful thing but as natural as taking a dump, that several billion people have done before us.

Take this as an opportunity to build a bridge with your sister. Your children will be cousins.

Hmm I don't know, I can see why you would feel a bit insecure about his interest in you at the moment tbh, it must be quite a stark reminder that he's the kind of man who can pick up and drop his own children (and grandchildren). I think that would make me feel a bit unsettled too. It's up to you whether you want a relationship with your half sister, but I guess you must be seeing your dad a bit differently.

Maybe you've inspired him to reach out? It could be that seeing you preparing for being a parent has been the spark he needed to finally step up and try to build some bridges with the child he hasn't seen in so long.

Whether they're able to build a positive relationship remains to be seen, but if they can, then your child can gain a cousin and an aunt, and you and your sisters can gain a half-sister and a niece. Love isn't a pie that gets divided into smaller and smaller pieces - there will be plenty of love for you all.

I think you are being a little unreasonable OP.
You don't have to like the idea of a step sister ofc, but it sounds like you are already jealous of that girl who never had her father show any interest in her life. Which is frankly quite sad.

I don't see why it takes anything away from you. Yeah ok, your baby won't be the first grandchild but who cares... ? What if one of your sisters also had a baby before you?

Try to take a step back and see that there is nothing threatening about this situation. Your dad is trying to finally do the right thing. You are about to experience one of the most beautiful things. Focus on that. Not on what priority ranking you stand in your dads life or which will be first grandchild.

I know this is an old AF thread but I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. Your dad (like mine) has shown where his priorities are, and also how they can fluctuate