Pregnant.. help!

[MissouriGirl90]

Okay, bear with me, because this will probably be a long post, so I can try to give as many details as possible. Long story short: I'm 5 weeks and 3 days, 32 years old, no other children, and the dad is pushing for an abortion.
I'm also super unsure. We've been together since the end of March 2021, an old bf I reconnected with after getting out of a really terrible 8+ year relationship. I've known him for about 15 years. He's been really flaky throughout the entire relationship like he's unsure of it all. But he is ADAMANT that he doesn't want anymore kids. He has a 13 year old boy he sees whenever he wants, and another kid that he also didn't want and pays child support on, but has never seen. His other baby boy died of SIDS. I think he might be scared of that happening again, but he won't talk to me about it. I had a blighted ovum in December of 2008, and no other children, so if this pregnancy is viable, it will be my first one.
I live in my childhood home with my Dad. He's retired and disabled, and I moved back in after my mom died. I haven't told him yet...
I found out about a week and 3 days ago, the day I was supposed to start my period. I was cramping and not bleeding for a few days prior.. so I figured why not pee on a stick, that usually kick starts my period. BOOM. Double lines. I took 5 more after that.
I'm not on birth control, so this is 100% my fault. I usually keep track of my cycle, and wear condoms when I'm ovulating, but it was Christmas time and everything was hectic and I got busy and messed up.
I'm beyond scared. I'm scared if I keep it I'll be alone, because he doesn't want anything to do with it. I'm scared I won't be able to carry to term and something will go wrong like last time. I'm scared of what my Dad is going to do. What if he kicks me out? He's going to be so disappointed in me because I'm smarter than this. People are going to judge me. No one even really knows I have a Bf.. and I should also point out that I'm known for not being fond of children. Little snot gobblers. Lol. I'm scared I'll be a crappy Mom. I'm scared of what it's going to do to my body. I'm scared the baby won't be healthy or have something wrong with it when it's born.. I'm scared that if I wait too long to make a decision I won't be able to apply for pregnancy Medicaid insurance in time.
I'm scared if I have the abortion I will regret it forever. What if this is my last chance? I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to do it because he wants me to, and he keeps telling me it's my choice and it's ALL on me and blah blah blah... But personally I'm still 50/50 on the matter. My feelings change every 5 minutes. I'm anxious. I'm nervous. I'm freaking out and I have no one to talk to. I don't want to tell anyone yet, A. Because if I decide to not keep it I don't want that judgement and B. If I miscarry I don't want that pity.
Thanks for reading my long rant. I appreciate any advice and feel free to ask questions.

That's sad that he wants you to have an abortion, but your the one who is carrying this child. If you want the baby then you'd be doing it alone . He may come round ? But it's your body your decision really. You've got a few more weeks left to mull it over but still you are the decider here xx

I would talk to your mother they give the best advise x

@stella2790 OP said her mum died that's why she moved in with her father.

OP, what a predicament you find yourself in. It's YOUR body and I would disregard your boyfriend's request you terminate your pregnancy. Only you can make that choice.
I would get a piece of paper and write a list of pros and cons. If nothing else it will get them out of your head. Keep revisiting the list. You have time to think and decide
Whatever you chose please make sure it's yours and no one else's.
I can't imagine your father would kick you out. Most parents are delighted at the thought of being grandparents.
Keep talking on here too. I'm sure others will be along soon with personal experiences that will also help.

I think I would decide based on if I wanted to be a mum beforehand, take your partner out of the equation (and don't have much sympathy as you are his 3rd/4th baby mum you'd think he'd have learnt how this works now and taken responsibility if he desperately didn't want any more).

Without sounding mean if you did want to be a mum before you have three years to find someone, settle down, plan a baby before fertility starts declining.

However if a baby was never part of your plan I'd picture in ten years time what you would choose as a best outcome for you.

Also is there a reason your father would kick you out? Does he have form? Not being goady just to understand your predicament.

Do you want children? I know you said your known as someone that didn't really like them, but deep down, do you want children?

Whatever the answer to the question above is, is your answer to if you should keep the baby or not.

I was also that person that didn't really like children, never wanted to hold new born babies etc, and always thought I'd end up not having children, but I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant and I'm actually really excited!

Just think about yourself in this situation and nobody else! I bet dad will absolute love to have a new grand baby, and your partner will have to make his decision on if he goes or stays once you've made your decision. But don't do anything simply because he doesn't want another baby - he helped make the baby, so he has some responsibility to stick around.

OP I am 32 and in a committed relationship and if I got pregnant right now I would terminate it because it’s not the right time for me or for us as a couple. I would have no fears doing this in relation to my age, all of my close friends my age are a few years away from even trying for a baby so it’s very standard to wait much longer where I am from, and I do want children in the future - so just to put that particular factor into perspective for you.

Your description of the situation doesn’t sound like a great start for a child, and this guy doesn’t sound like much of a catch!

If you tie yourself to this guy then you’ll potentially lose out on the chance to find a great man who is excited to start a family with you in a few years and will be a committed and loving partner and father.

To me it’s not so much about what the father wants as thinking clearly about the childhood your potential child might have with them and asking whether you think that would be good enough for you.

Also making your decision without any fear that this will be your last ever chance to have a child - as I don’t see much evidence of that in what you’ve said?

There is no shame in having a termination and it is a choice I am very grateful to have in my life.

I wish you the best of luck with your decision and I hope that you are supported in your life in whatever you choose to do.

Please don’t feel pressured either way and make a decision based on a sensible assessment of the pros and cons rather than driven by fear or shame.

I would also add that if you do terminate the pregnancy you should definitely also terminate this relationship as well, a guy who has been unsure if he wants to date you for almost a year and who hasn’t even SEEN one of his own children is not a great guy!!

I feel for you OP and hope you feel loads of support here and also do you have any RL friends would feel safe talking to? It sounds a lot to cope with these feelings and work out what is best for you, especially as your BF and dad don’t sound very supportive which must be really hard.
You might not normally love children but do you think you could find that is complete different with your own?
I’m sorry I don’t have more advice and my BF has done an amazing job raising her DD without a mum and completely on her own and has found it so hard but her DD Is happy and so wonderful

Why would your dad kick you out? I assume you're a grown woman.
Can you afford to live on your own? To work and raise the baby?

You sound a bit too worried about what other people think. It's 2022 plenty of women have babies on their own.

Take everything else put of the equation and think about whether you actually want to be a mother right now then work from there.

Everyone is scared when they find out they are pregnant , that's normal , please don't rush into a decesion, and do not abort the baby because he doesn't want another child , there's plenty of single mothers out there doing their thing and doing it well , my friend was left with twin girls at age of 16 and she did amasing, my cousin was a single mother at 14 !! smy friend is now with another man and they are a little family of 6 ! My cousin is married to love of her life ,
Your dad might surprise you espically considering your not a teen , and giving your past , it could very well turn out to be a joyous response, you also can't base your decision on what ANYONE might think or feel , this is your body your baby and your decision, I mean I've never been in your situation, but I think you need to take a few days to just really think about it for YOU , not your boyfriend or your dad or anyone else , if he kicks you out it's 2022 , you won't be left on the streets , if your boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with the baby that's his issue , sometimes when we are frightened we think of all the negative things and non of the positives, I would never try and sway anyone's mind either way but I didn't realise how much happiness I could find in life before I had my 2 babies , for every sleepless night there's a cheeky grin or a first giggle , that's just my experience, not everyone is ready to have children , god knows I wasn't when I fell pregnant with my son , it was hard he does have additional needs also , and I woudlnt change a single hair on his head

Good advice ! I'm actually worried he's gunna talk op into a abortion when she's obviously conflicted 😕

I thought I'd better update everyone.
I'm 10 weeks and 2 days and I decided to keep it. Everyone I've told has been really supportive, including the father's mother. Thank you all for your input and advice. Wish me luck!

Lovely news op.
Congratulations and wishing you a lovely pregnancy

Thank you so much!

Did the baby daddy stick around?? Congratulations ! X

In a way.. he's still mad and he doesn't say a word about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ But I'm here right now, so he didn't disappear. Yet at least.

The thought that comes to my mind is...well if he doesnt want children that much he shouldve gotten vasectomy not walking around making babies and leaving them. Dushbag! And prepare yourself that he wont stick around since he left all the previous ones. ANd No crying over a man who is so irresponsible and only thinks of himself xxx chin up and best of luck