Third trimester back pain and cleaning with a toddler

[Onegoingontwo]

Can I ask how other people have coped with keeping their house clean with a toddler whilst also suffering from shooting lower back pain that never goes away? I can barely sit on the sofa without agony let alone bend over to pick up a gazillion toys my 19 month old throws around.

Every day I wake up and suddenly the house is a bomb site before I've even finished having my breakfast. There's dishes piled high, bedrooms covered in clothes and just toys as far as the eye can see sprawled everywhere. I don't even know why? I clean every day. Dishes are done (no dishwasher either so that probably doesn't help my back!). Clothes are folded and put away. Beds are made. Hoovered, mopped, dusted... The whole works every day! And I'm really struggling to keep at it now that it's starting to affect my mental health.

I've got toy boxes and everything in my house has a home so theres really not much clutter but for some reason I still spend the whole day in absolute agony just to try and keep it clean.

Please can anyone share their tips? I'm literally contemplating using paper plates and putting everything but the beds into storage until the baby is here lol

Go to your doctor and get your back pain sorted out. This is not a normal part of pregnancy.

Turn on the tv for your toddler.

Get those paper plates.

If your toddler is emptying drawers or simply throwing toys around, close doors, lock them if possible, and limit toys to about five items he has access to.

I've got pelvic girdle pain so sadly nothing I can do to make the pain go away except for having the baby.

And I think you're right just going to have to put all the toys in my bedroom so their completely out of the way. I feel cruel because I'm not able to get out much because of the pain and don't really have any one to ask for help with babysitting and/or taking my little one out. It's just going to have to be TV and paper plates for a while.

I had pelvic girdle pain in my second pregnancy too, but I worked from home 4 days a week so had time before I started and during my lunch break to do some housework, and my DC was 3 so old enough to tidy up after themselves a bit. I did have to lower my expectations though - the house so far hasn't got back to the cleaning schedule I had prior to this pregnancy (I had HG the first half of my pregnancy too), and my DC2 is 3mo. My husband also had to step up and take over jobs I used to do but couldn't physically manage anymore like hoovering and towards the very end of my pregnancy basically everything that I would need to squat or bend down for like emptying bins or cleaning the toilet etc. I used to take a few paracetamol doses a day which made minimal difference to the pain and occasionally I took codeine too when I was really suffering. I found I had to get the right balance between activity and rest - too much inactivity and it would make it worse but so would overdoing it. I got advice from a physio and I did a pregnancy exercise course all the way through, just modified anything that would otherwise cause me more pain.

However, if we could have afforded a cleaner we would have got one!

We keep the majority of the toys in the garage, and the kids ask for what they want out - we will always get it, but it means we can prompt them to tidy up what they were just using first and they can't just empty the toy boxes everywhere.

Limit the amount you are doing - every surface doesn't need dusting every day. Rotate round the rooms so you're dusting the lounge one day, bedrooms the next etc so that it all gets done each week. Vacuum/mop the floors once or twice a week - they will be fine the rest of the time. I've attached a picture - my checklist for how we keep the house clean day on day (based on the organised mum method if you've come across that) - everything should get done each week but you're not repeating the same things every day.

You are doing too much!

You do not need to hoover, mop and dust every day. Twice a week for hoovering and once for the others should be fine. Making the beds is optional.

Dedicate one room (e.g. DC's bedroom) for toy carnage and otherwise only allow a small set number of toys elsewhere in the house.

Limit washing up where possible, e.g. reuse a tea mug, use paper plates (I like that idea) and cook meals that don't require many pots/pans/trays.

Speak to your GP about pain management options.

Beds are made. Hoovered, mopped, dusted... The whole works every day!

This is far too much physical work for you. It's also not good for a toddler to be in such a clean environment. This may sound like heresy, but they need exposure to a certain amount of good old fashioned dirt, dust, and grime in order to develop their immune systems.

If your H/P likes a very clean, tidy house, then he can pitch in and spend an hour or two in the evenings doing all of that or do it at the weekend and it can slide for the rest of the week.

Otherwise, let it go. You are not going to get much done once you have a baby plus toddler, so you need to start managing your expectations of how your house will look, or investigate cleaners who will pick up and tidy too.

You're doing far too much. What does your partner do around the house?

As pp have said, it sounds like your expectations of how much cleaning you can do whilst pregnant is just too high. There's no point to this if you're hurting yourself.
Is your partner helping? Mine has had to help a lot more while I've been struggling with pregnancy pain and it's definitely adjusted both our priorities in terms of the household chores & what's necessary and what's realistic!
In terms of the pelvic girdle pain, it's not something that just necessarily disappears after pregnancy, though it does for the majority of people, but that also doesn't mean there's nothing that can be done to alleviate the pain whilst pregnant.
Have you spoken to your midwife and asked to be referred for phsyio treatment? You may be able to self refer depending on your area.

Is a private chiropractor, osteopath or physio within your budget?
The following websites have lots of advice and exercises to do to support your pelvis and alleviate some of the pain.
pelvicpartnership.org.uk/
thepogp.co.uk/
The main thing my physio said is that this isn't something you can walk off, so depending on your severity, you should be limiting your walking around/moving each day which it doesn't sound like you are at all. So other than absolutely necessary movement, resting is the best thing you can do along with specific supportive exercises.

Thank you for your messages. @mumofmunchkin I like the idea of your schedule I might pinch that if okay!

My partner (thankfully!) does loads around the house when he gets in from work and on the weekend it's just in the morning he's always rushing around and hasn't quite learnt to tidy as he goes so he single handedly trashes the bedroom and ensuite (and anywhere else he decides to dump his clothes!). He likes a clean house but there's no pressure from him to make it clean . Its just important to me that the house is as clean as it can be. I grew up with hoarder parents so I think I may have a touch of OCD/anxiety when it comes to making sure the house is clean and working overtime to ensure my children don't grow up in a similar environment.

I'm a bit relieved to know I am doing too much tbh. I follow a lot of mums and mums to be on social media and their homes are spotless. I know that comparing myself to them is entirely self inflicted and that most of social media is a lie but when you see their homes being spotless every day it just makes me feel so rubbish and like a failure!

@jolota - thank you for the websites I'll check them out. I have GD so I'm looked after by the diabetes team at the hospital. When I went for my growth scan at 32 weeks (currently 34) I couldn't even get on the bed for the scan and they didnt seem concerned tbh with you. The dietician, midwife and obstetrician all said there isn't anything I could do for the pain and didn't even mention physio.

I saw my midwife at 33 weeks and when I mentioned the pain she just said "aw" and that it wouldn't be long until my baby is here and it'll all be over. I just assumed from their reactions it is what it is and that nothing could help me. I will speak with my GP tomorrow and ask for them to refer me.

Be kind to yourself, very little of what we see on social media is a reality and people who post photos of immaculate houses are absolutely in the minority! Remind yourself that their homes could currently be a mess and they're just posting a photo taken weeks ago!
I also have hoarder parents so try really hard to keep my home clutter free but sometimes standards have to change when we're struggling and there are other priorities. It's not a failure to put your health first, in the long run, feeling physically better will be far more important than how clean your home is everyday.
So sorry to hear how unsympathetic your midwife has been! It really annoys me to hear that, I am definitely lucky that I was listened to by my midwife but I also went to see a private chiropractor because I was in so much pain between midwife appointments.
I think it's important to advocate for ourselves when it comes to healthcare because some people who should help can be so dismissive and it's really awful and makes you feel not confident to push for the support you need!
Try googling 'your area' nhs physiotherapy self referral - as that might be an option in your area.
Even if your pelvic pain relieves itself immediately after birth (which isn't guaranteed!), it doesn't mean you should just suffer unnecessarily up to that point! Honestly so upset for you that your midwife has been like this.
The midwife should definitely have listened to you, because pelvic pain should be listed in your notes as certain birth positions can cause more damage to your pelvis if it's already weakened and it should be taken into consideration for your birth plan.

Definitely a good idea to bypass your midwife and go straight to the GP for referral it sounds like & I would definitely recommend looking at the websites so you have a basis of knowledge when you speak to your GP or midwife about it.
Also the first thing the physio would ask is if you've tried the suggestions on the websites, so good to do those first so you can say they haven't helped!

There is a happy medium between Mrs Hinch and How Clean is Your House.

Find something online that uplifts you, not something that makes you feel bad about yourself.

You need manual therapy. Look on the PGP foundation website and find a provider near you. PGP is treatable!

And sod doing the housework, I haven't hoovered since 12 weeks and it probably gets done once a week or fortnight by my husband but we are all happy!

Get the toddler to help you, its interesting for them..
But also why on earth are you cleaning all day long. Toys will be everywhere no matter what you do x
I put them away when i see theyre not played with or at bedtime so next day my kid chooses something else and its not piles of toys everywhere
If its too much to do at once just spread it across days, dont push yourself its not competition.. i cant manage also.. plus have to cook and play with kid and all that... so 1 day i do dishes, if it has piled so much..happens....load dishwasher and wash whichever dont fit...
Next day wash the piles of clothes...next day hoover ..toys..tidy... next day put away clothes in wardrobes.. change beds another day...
and in circle... and rubbish and clean bath etc just bit by bit everyday so its always clean. Once in a routine gets easier and dont have piles of stuff everywhere jsut have to maintain it being tidy . But really dont overkill yourself