Newborn won't sleep unless being held.

[PollyBlue6]

He's 3 weeks old and won't sleep unless being held.

We've got a next 2 me cot, as soon as he knows one of us isn't holding him he starts crying and we are up and down like a yoyo with him all night.
We've got Ewen the sheep which works to an extent.

Not only are we exhausted but he is too, he's overtired which means he's grumpy most of the day, usually the afternoon.

I'm worrying about safe sleeping and SIDS.
Has anyone just cuddled/held their newborn most of the night?
All the guidelines recommended the grobag, next 2 me cot and blah blah blah which wr have got but he doesn't like any of it.

This was mine. Some babies are just like this. Co sleeping worked for me and a sling for the day. It's not forever.

I'll give you ideas that helped us.....

Have you tried swaddling? Or the Love to Dream swaddle gro bag?
Make baby feel secure?

Do you/others cuddle baby a lot in the day? (Hard not to I know) But try and put baby down to play/lay/chill in the day without your contact.

Does baby have a dummy/comfort?

Try laying baby down with just your hand rubbing tummy so there is still contact?

Basically we tried to make good habits in the day to help us at night.

I tried not to Co-sleep because it's a hard habit to break.

Have you downloaded 'The Wonder weeks' app to see if baby is in a leap?

Hope all this helps

You're in pretty much exactly the situation we had. We found that I had to hold him to sleep, and very slowly shuffle in the bed until we were lying down, then slowly roll over until we were on the side, and then put him in the next to me but still keep my arms on him. It didn't always work, and sometimes he'd wake and I'd have to start all over again, but as he got older it got a little better. For the first few weeks, he did basically just sleep on one of us though. I agonised over it, and now I wish I hadn't - I think it's a normal thing that you can slowly work out of.

My son was like this. It’s very hard but normal and it doesn’t last forever. I used to put him in the next to me and hold his hand and that usually worked. I had a permanently cold arm but at least I got a little but of sleep.

Yep, long time of having on you/in the bed.
As he was older managed to put him down from going to sleep on you, sometimes by warming cot/bed for a bit so they didn't notice the change.

Try swaddling, I used something called a miracle blanket which was like swaddling for idiots, as I just couldnt get to grips with using a big muslin. There are gro swaddles too. Really helped me with both DCs. I swaddled at night and held in the day. Before that me and DH just took it in shifts. It was brutal.

I hope you find something that works for you!

Mine was like this. I started being able to transfer him to the bed next to me at about 6 ish weeks in between feeds. Personally, I found that safer than accidentally falling asleep holding him. I’m afraid our next2me became an expensive bedside table, but maybe we should have persevered more with swaddling/dummy/other methods of settling.

Google the fourth trimester and if will make a.lot of sense, we swaddled with arms out and DD liked that, the first 4 weeks were hard, but she did start to settle, I remember walking around with her at 3am holding Ewan and willing her to sleep, it does get better, try and share the load as much as possible in these early days. You could try a sling or carrier for the day time

Dummy and swaddle.

Also don't rush to put them down once they're asleep on you. I wouldn't dare attempt to transfer a sleeping baby until they were asleep on for for about an hour.

How do you hold them? I held my DC over my shoulder/against my chest so they were more upright. They hated being laid flat in bed. We had a next to me that I put on an incline. They're both stomach/side sleepers now.

Swaddling replicates the sensory input he gets from being held. He's reacting to the absence of that sensation. Have you tried it?

My son was the exact same and we ended up cosleeping for a couple of weeks to save my sanity! At about 5 weeks he suddenly was happy to sleep in his Snuzpod wearing one of the Love to Dream swaddle bags.

He's almost 10 weeks old now and sleeps in the Snuzpod in a normal sleep bag usually about 7-7 with 2 night feeds. He's been doing that since about 6 weeks. Hang in there, it will improve!

My DD was exactly the same and so we had to co sleep. She’d only sleep on me as I nursed her and then if I went to put her into her next 2 me crib she’d instantly wake up and cry. So I used to sleep sat up with her in my arms, not ideal but that was the only way we got sleep.

I will say I think the reason is because I constantly held and cuddled her all through the day as she was my first and didn’t want to put her down! So try and put him down throughout the day for his naps etc.

My DD1 was exactly the same. We had a next 2 me crib, we tried swaddling, swaddle pods, blankets, sleeping bags, dummies which she hated, white noise, classical music nothing worked. Even in the day she wouldn’t let me put her down, she hated her pram and her bouncer. By 6 weeks I couldn’t stand it anymore and put her in bed with us and she slept beautifully from then on (usually breastfed time sleep). I am due my second baby in 4 weeks time and am starting to research bed sharing. I know I did this with my first but I had no plan to and it was done out of desperation and exhaustion. I was so frightened of SIDS so this time I want to gain as much information about safe bedsharing as I can just incase my 2nd child is just like his big sister. Below are some links I got from a breastfeeding group on Facebook. I haven’t read them yet but are all supposed to be safe ways of bed sharing (if breastfeeding). Good luck, I know how hard & exhausting it is!
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
breastfeeding.support/bed-sharing-baby/
Lots of info on safe bedsharing here:

thebeyondsleeptrainingproject.com/faqs/how-do-i-safely-bedshare
rednose.org.au/downloads/CosleepingGuideforParents_Mar21.pdf
www.littlesparklers.org/safer-sleep

If you can try and gain as much information as you can then you can decide what is the best way for you and your baby to sleep. There is no right or wrong way to do anything. I’m really hoping this baby will sleep in a crib but I’m researching as much as possible incase he has other ideas. I’ll just have to see what he’s like when he arrives.

*Have you tried swaddling? Or the Love to Dream swaddle gro bag?
Make baby feel secure?

Do you/others cuddle baby a lot in the day................*

I'm in the same situation, but a week ahead of you OP!! I've got a 3 year old and a 4 week old and its so bloody hard surviving on 4.5 hours of sleep a night!

I've tried all of those things, except maybe not putting DS down enough in the day. However, if I put him down he wakes up so sometimes I just need to have a rest too.

My toddler was exactly the same. I'm wracking my brain to see what solved it last time and can only come up with time. They are still so young, tey just need time to get used to the world.

Its funny how much I've forgotten since caring for my toddler as a newborn though

Oh my god, OP this post could’ve been written by me! We are going out of our minds. Newborn is almost 3 weeks old and won’t go down in Moses basket at night. Even if he’s asleep when we put him down, he subconsciously realised and wakes up and starts fussing!

Just to point out OP, SIDS isn't related to bedsharing or cosleeping, that's suffocation, they're separate. Safe bedsharing is much better than it happening accidentally without planning, and it's totally normal for babies to want this. Google the fourth trimester and have a read.

Co-sleeping is completely normal in other cultures. Practice safe bed sharing and have a good rested nights sleep.

I feel your pain.
Things I found are helping (DD 8 weeks old).

• put a muslin which has been close to you or a tshirt you have worn in the bottom of the crib. Make sure it is all tucked in so cant sause a suffocation risk.
• warm up the crib before use
• dont cuddle/hold baby all day. When asleep put down in moses basket or next to me crib in thrle same room as you and leave until baby wont settle then pick up
• we dont use a dummy but when DD is very tired and unsettled she will suckle on our finger for a few mins then will go down
• white noise machine
• keep to the same pattern

My DS was like this.

We had a large cushion which I'd put him on, once he'd fallen asleep on my shoulder, tummy down and he thought it was me i guess. Anyway it worked

Well it's the 4th trimester. Our babies are born too soon because of biology. If you think about it, he's been held for 9 months, never feeling cold or hot or hungry etc. Soothing sounds and lights that are consistent. All of a sudden he's shoved rudely into the light. He has to breathe, he feels hunger and uncomfortable feelings in the shorts area etc. Not only that, he's expected to lie on his own with no bodily sounds. Would you want to be put down?

I co slept from birth, was just easier. But I had the bed to myself.

DD was like this, day and night. We basically just held her for about 4 months straight, eventually she’d consent to sit in a bouncy chair or lie on a play mat for short periods, but for bedtime we had to go with cosleeping.

We tried absolutely everything mentioned above, didn’t work. She hated swaddling (and my midwife told me they didn’t recommend it anyway so I was scared to). Cosleeping worked so we went with that.

It’s totally totally normal although I know that doesn’t really help. Our DS1 was like this. We took it in shifts - my DH took the first 4 hours and watched a film while I slept then I’d do the same. Eventually we co-slept because we found we were accidentally falling asleep holding him which is obviously much more dangerous than co-sleeping intentionally, as others have said.

It got a lot better for us at about 6 weeks.

I’m going through this at the moment with my little one (11 days old). I had read about the fourth trimester but was nowhere near prepared for the sleep deprivation. I’m personally finding it very anxiety inducing because I can feel myself falling asleep when holding her. Even when it’s my turn to sleep and my husband takes over I wake up thinking I’m still holding her.

I’ve ordered a swaddle bag to try so hoping that will help. My husband goes back to work on Saturday and I don’t know how I’ll manage!

Mine was the same OP. Couldn’t cosleep, she had to literally be in arms. It sucks, sorry. We had to sleep in shifts for the first few weeks. It got gradually better- probably from around 3 weeks actually. She also went down a bit better from her dad.