PE. Downs. Exhaustion. Abortion.

[Elskerdeg]

This is more of a rant than anything.

I got told in December that I had multiple pulmonary embolism in both lungs and that I was lucky to be alive. Still being treated for that and will be for a long time. I can barely breathe, can't play with my son properly, and spend all day barely functioning and vomiting. I am terrified of how dangerous this will make giving birth.

I'm 16.5 weeks pregnant. Having a NIPT test tomorrow to see if my 1 in 5 chance of downs syndrome is correct. They tried today and couldn't get a drop of blood out of me. I am absolutely terrified of needles (like shake and vomit, even though I have to have at least two a day). I don't think I can have the amino, honestly. Similarly I can't abort after 20 weeks because the whole needle in the heart thing through my stomach. Realistically I can't raise a child with extra needs, I have a lot of extra needs myself and my family are already at capacity of what we can deal with. I've had so much other bad news this month and I don't even feel like I can think straight, yet alone make decisions on something like this.

I want the baby, but I'm scared of dying during childbirth due to my conditions. I don't think it would be right for us to bring a child with extra needs into the world right now, especially not on my existing small child. But I feel like my time is running out to make a decision and I don't even know how safe abortion is with my current condition.

I don't even know what I'm asking.

I don’t have a lot of practical advice OP, but just wanted to send a virtual hug It sounds like you’ve been through so much these past few months.

I would personally take it one day at a time and focus on each issue as it comes. 1 in 5 means there’s an 80% chance of all being well.

If you were to have the baby, Downs’ syndrome or not, I’m sure you could speak with your midwife team or a consultant to see if a C-section could be the safest option for you after PE?

Whatever the outcome of the NIPT, make sure you sit down with someone and ask all the questions you have. It’s so much easier to make a decision when somebody has taken the time to explain to you thoroughly what is happening and what your options are.

Wishing you all the best for the coming days and weeks.

What a lot you have on your plate at the moment OP - no wonder you're feeling sad, overwhelmed and unable to make decisions at what should be a happy time, but at the moment is filled with anxiety and ill health.

It sounds to me like you could do with some counselling and I'm sure this will be offered if your blood test confirms the 1 in 5 risk of Down's Syndrome. You'll need medical information and also assistance to reach a decision you feel comfortable with.

For now, just take it one thing at a time. It is too much if you try to think about it all. Just focus on getting the blood test done and take it from there. You can do this

Thank you both ❤️