Do all midwives need to know who's on the unit?

[rainbowzebra05]

Thinking massively ahead, but I was anxious about this before pregnancy and don't want to spend the whole thing worrying about it!

There's a midwife at my local hospital who I don't want to know that I'm admitted when it comes to giving birth. Honestly, I'd rather she didn't know I was pregnant. She's a family member who I really don't get along with.

Is there a way for me to ensure she doesn't know that I'm in? I know names used to go onto a board to let them know who was in each room, so I'm worried she'd know from that?

I'm debating using a different hospital but the alternative is further away, with an awful reputation. My local is 5 minutes away. My last labour was a total of an hour so the distance is worth me considering I think, they joked last time that they'd set me up a tent outside next time once I got near my due date.

Can I request that my name isn't put anywhere visible to all staff, or is this a safeguarding thing? I'm only early on and very definitely focussing in something to worry about that doesn't need to be for now, but it's there and can't seem to get rid of the niggle

I don’t think that is possibly, staff need to know of all patients on the ward - they can tell her so she is aware not to come into the room. Also due to confidentiality she wouldn’t be allowed to disclose any info about you

I hate the idea of giving her that power. If I'm lucky she'll be on a different section or off work at the time, but it obviously isn't guaranteed. Confidentiality doesn't prevent her from knowing or making sure I know that she knows/knew first. She's unfortunately a classic narcissist and I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. She regularly gossips about work, just in a way that doesn't make or identify anyone.

There's 2 birth ward corridor things (I can't think what to call them!) and staff only work one at a time, they're entirely different corridors and separate. Would it be reasonable to request that if she's working on one I be admitted to the other? Or would staffing confidentiality mean this wouldn't be possible? They're high and low dependency so this obviously wouldn't work if I ended up not qualifying for low dependency care, but if I can't keep from her that I'm on the same ward as her it's the only solution I can see besides using an alternative hospital. You can request to use high dependency whether on clinical need or not, but it'd rely on them being able to disclose where she's working?

I don't know who to discuss this with in terms of midwives either which isn't helping. Is it something my community midwife can help me puzzle over or will I need to speak to somebody who works on delivery? Or would this change for each hospital?

Honestly, I think changing to the other hospital would be better for you. You don’t need to be worrying about something like this when you’re in labour.

I think I agree with @BurntToastAgain about changing to the other hospital as then that anxiety will be taken away. Obviously sounds like someone you don’t need in your life so avoid that stress. In nursing all staff would have to be aware of all patients for patient safety so I would imagine it would be a similar situation. Best to avoid the worry xxxx

The other's a half hour drive else I would without question, though their reputation for quality of care is significantly worse. By the time we had somebody here to watch existing children the risk of a quick delivery would be scary given the drive. It's something I'll be discussing as an option though with the midwife as I'm hoping she'll know how likely the next being as speedy would be. I'm still in the first trimester so have time to puzzle it over/work out what's best, but it's my main worry about birth at the moment. I'm figuring that if im more worried about that than about having to get a small person out it must be worth finding a solution to early instead of internalising it for the next few months. I don't want to end up booked in with the wrong hospital by not working it out now either and then having to faff with transferring care over!

Would you consider a home birth? That might solve the issues.

Because there will always be a risk that you turn up and she is the only midwife available.

I think the other hospital is your best bet

I would use a different one 🤷‍♀️

This sounds so difficult, I really feel for you OP. I have a narcisstic family member who I don't want to know about my pregnancy and I can't imagine having this stress if they worked at the hospital I'd be going to.

Is a home birth possible for you? That could be a good way to ensure that she won't be there and you can request that she is not assigned to your birth.

I think the risk to your baby with going to a different hospital is high, you need to decide if the risk of this midwife knowing about you is such a big deal that's worth it.

Obviously I don't know the circumstances. You can certainly ask she's not on your case, but beyond that I don't think you have much control.

My closest hospital is nearly 40 mins away. However the reputation is good, I am just hoping it all goes smoothly and I get there in time. Home birth is definitely worth considering if your low risk? However if you needed to be taken to hospital you could end up in same situation 🤷‍♀️

They keep suspending home births locally due to covid so I daren't rely on it fully on the off chance, especially as ambulances are so stretched and I've had 2 babies who've struggled with their heart rate in the pushing stage of labour. It may be coincidence, but doesn't feel worth testing!

It's a complete rock and hard place situation, I wouldn't allow her near me so if she was genuinely the only midwife free I'd turn around again instead of staying there, but I'm concerned by the other hospital's reputation and distance too. I don't think there is an easy solution, but I don't feel that I fully know my options in regards to how it either might be possible to work around, or would be completely impossible and I need to cut my losses! I'm wondering what they could disclose about staffing when I rang in, could they tell me if she was on duty for example? Or could I state that I don't wish to be on her ward and want to be on the other, so that they can triage in that way without having to tell either of us anything to breach any confidentiality?

We've got a lovely midwife lead unit nearby which would completely solve it, but there's no chance they'd have me there due to an underactive thyroid. I tried last time with no luck (and didn't have this issue then as she worked at a different hospital at the time!)

I would change hospitals and go there at the first twinge near your due date.

I am a nurse. I would suggest you let your midwife know and make it clear in no uncertain terms you don't want her involved in your care. They will respect this- it's happened before in my unit and if it were my unit we would 100% ensure she was allocated to a different area away from you. It would be shame for to have to move your care to somewhere that's not your first choice just to avoid her. If she's not directly involved in your care it would be inappropriate for her to access your notes, and if you felt she had you could even report it back to her colleagues afterwards.

Make an appointment to speak to Head of Midwifery or the Supervisor of Midwives at the hospital. They will listen to your concern and can act on it to reassure you.

@AliceS1994

I am a nurse. I would suggest you let your midwife know and make it clear in no uncertain terms you don't want her involved in your care. They will respect this- it's happened before in my unit and if it were my unit we would 100% ensure she was allocated to a different area away from you. It would be shame for to have to move your care to somewhere that's not your first choice just to avoid her. If she's not directly involved in your care it would be inappropriate for her to access your notes, and if you felt she had you could even report it back to her colleagues afterwards.

Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to know I think! By no access to my notes would she also not have access to whether or not I'd given birth? Once others know it removes some of the power and I'll be more relaxed about it, but that period after birth is different, I don't want to feel like I've got to rush being a unit with just my husband and baby to send messages out, just for the sake of making sure she doesn't know before the likes of my mum. It sounds really petty but I promise isn't me being awkward!

@Whenigrowupiwanttobea

Make an appointment to speak to Head of Midwifery or the Supervisor of Midwives at the hospital. They will listen to your concern and can act on it to reassure you.

Thank you. I'll start trying to get contact info. I've not been sure who I needed or what options were. It's not something that's exactly simple to google!

Just so you are aware, you can change your name on your hospital notes without proof of name change. Could be an option 🤔

Oh I get this. My sister is a student midwife and she is a nightmare. We don't speak and when I go into labour I don't want her there or involved or to know anything about my case. I've spoken to my midwife and they have said I can ensure she isn't present or told anything about me.
If I could give birth at another hospital I would but I would need to travel 3 hours to the best hospital.

@JLQ1020

Oh I get this. My sister is a student midwife and she is a nightmare. We don't speak and when I go into labour I don't want her there or involved or to know anything about my case. I've spoken to my midwife and they have said I can ensure she isn't present or told anything about me. If I could give birth at another hospital I would but I would need to travel 3 hours to the best hospital.

Sorry as I am that you're in a similar position, it's reassuring to know that it isn't only me! Were they ok about you asking? My next good hospital is over an hour away so isn't an option, it's the good one with my family member, or the not so good without her there. I don't really want to have to feel like I've downgraded care because of it, but equally know that if I'm stressed and worried it risks impacting on labour. I can't find any policies on it so presumed it must be quite unusual!

@trevthecat I've genuinely considered deed poll as a solution but it feels a bit drastic and long lasting! I did wonder if I could use a "known as" for during admission though so that my displayed name is different...

I would confirm with your ward exactly what information get shared, it's still very typical to have a big whiteboard with individual patients on and key information which will likely include if baby has arrived or not. They're also likely to have a handover sheet, so a bit of paper printed each shift they carry around- this is because in an emergency it's important everyone can access basic information, cover breaks and avoid giving patients they may be allergic to etc. If the two units have a shared break room or swap staff to cover breaks your relative might still have access to the whiteboard or be given a handover sheet with your name on. They really shouldn't ask colleagues, but if they're as annoying as you make out they could easily ask an unsuspecting colleague if you've had the baby. This would be really unprofessional and I hope they wouldn't but it's important to mention as the team can be briefed privately to not share with her. Worth checking if this is the case. If it is, they should still be able to have something in place and this is a very reasonable concern to have- don't feel like it's pretty it's not and things like this happen often so they should have an idea of how to handle it appropriately!

You can call and request that you don't have a certain midwife and explain the situation.