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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Can you ask a midwife to leave?

19 replies

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 14:42

I'm most likely going to have a caesarean anyway, so this is just a question out of curiosity really. Has anyone simply had enough of their midwife/ any other healthcare professional present, and asked them to leave the room? How likely is it that they'd stay despite you asking? What if you were in the second stage of labour and didn't want their support, would they actually go or just write you off as being a bit irrational in the heat of the moment...?

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MayThePawsBeWithYou · 12/01/2022 14:46

You can ask them to leave but you would be putting yourself and baby at risk, they will tell the doctor and other midwives and give you space.

Original poster

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 15:10

@MayThePawsBeWithYou Okay, that makes sense. I think I find it reassuring that they would in theory give you space rather than just dismiss you

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MayThePawsBeWithYou · 12/01/2022 15:20

Obviously they need to be in the room jf you experience any difficulties, need monitoring or are getting ready for a cs but if it all becomes too much and you just need a bit of time rather than tell them to leave just say you need a bit of space, you will ring if you need them and any sensible nurse will pop back to make sure you are ok. Take some headphones and nice music to relax to.

Storminamu · 12/01/2022 15:21

The midwives tend to be very busy, and may not spend as much time with you as you'd like them to.

romdowa · 12/01/2022 15:23

I told the head anesthesiology to get out just before my section. He was a pig and I wasn't letting him near me, so he left. His reg was much nicer and she did it all instead.

buttercuplizzy · 12/01/2022 15:29

I wrote in my birth plan I wanted minimal midwife involvement. She stayed out of the room and only came in when my husband asked her to when I was pushing. She was in the room for the delivery and afterbirth.

Original poster

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 15:38

@romdowa Ha! I'm impressed that you stood up for yourself 👏 Glad you got the nice reg instead xx

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Original poster

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 15:39

@buttercuplizzy That's reassuring to hear! Glad you got what you asked for x

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Original poster

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 15:47

@MayThePawsBeWithYou I think my problem is that I'd get arsey and want them to leave at an important part! Hahaha Most of the time I'm a reasonable, friendly human being. People would find it hard to believe, but on rare occasions I'm really stubborn and don't like being told what to do 😅 I can imagine myself kicking someone in the face if they didn't give me space! It's all a bit hypothetical, though, as I'm probably going to have a caesarean and fingers crossed it won't come to all that anyway 🤞

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MayThePawsBeWithYou · 12/01/2022 16:05

They only tell you what to do for yours and baby benefit they are used to being around stressed women but please dont even think about threatening them.

WalkingOnSonshine · 12/01/2022 16:07

I had two midwives who were very dismissive of me, kept saying I wasn’t in labour so there was no point examining me or giving me pain relief. I was 10cm dilated and pushing on my own before they would give me the time of day.

I asked for another midwife at the point I was moved to the labour ward. One did apologise later.

MintJulia · 12/01/2022 16:11

Yes. Not quite the same situation but my community midwife tried to bully me into having a sweep. She started at 9am on my due date and wouldn't give over. She kept ringing and bullying.

I tried being polite but in the end bluntness was needed, so I told her to go away, leave me alone and stop twitching, and I would call the maternity unit when I was ready.

I didn't hear from her again until ds was a week old

Original poster

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 16:30

@MayThePawsBeWithYou Yes I understand. I'm a nurse myself, I wouldn't ever threaten anyone

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rifling · 12/01/2022 16:33

I had a horrible midwife but she ignored me mostly anyway and I almost gave birth alone as she told me it would be hours - and ds was born 10 minutes later.

CovidCorvid · 12/01/2022 16:35

I’m a midwife and had this with a woman once. She agreed I could pop in the room every 15 mins to quickly listen to the fh and leave again so that’s what we did. I documented that she requested I leave the room in between.

Redlorryyellowduck · 12/01/2022 16:36

With dc1 I barely saw a midwife until I was pushing. With dc 2 I was tricked into a terrible waterbirth and had a midwife with me the entire time, policy apparently so you don't drown.

Original poster

Candlesoftime · 12/01/2022 16:37

@WalkingOnSonshine @MintJulia Wow! I really feel for the both of you! Well done for getting through it

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SpatulaSpoon · 12/01/2022 17:39

No reason you can't. Maybe have a code word for birth partner so they know and can do it for you so you can concentrate??

2022NameChange · 12/01/2022 22:51

I was with my best friend when she gave birth, she told the midwife she needed to push and the midwife dismissed her saying no you don't it's your first, you were only 4cm when we last looked, just move around abit... so my friend told the midwife to sod off. She did, and after 30 minutes of pushing without the midwife, and demanding I didn't get her back, she gave birth and then I had to go and find the midwife to get her to cut the cord. My friend was furious, second she walked in the room said "Told you I needed to push" - we laugh about it now though

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