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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

How to stop MMC effecting me in this pregnancy.

9 replies

surprised12 · 07/01/2022 18:15

Hi guys,

Trying not to be all doom and gloom - just looking for some experiences of others.

I fell pregnant in March - it was a surprise but we got our heads around it and felt positive about the future.
I had a scan at 6 weeks due to pains and spotting - saw the little thing and it's heartbeat.
12 week scan was booked for 14 weeks, and it was unsure whether my husband was going to be allowed in (he couldn't come to my 6 week EPU scan)
Booked a private scan at 12 weeks so he could come - and we were given the news that the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks and there was no heartbeat.

Because the scan was at a private clinic, I then had a horrendous experience trying to get support from the NHS and it ended up being almost 3 weeks later before I was assisted to have the baby removed (my body still hadn't recognised the baby wasn't growing - so didn't process or start a miscarriage on its own)

The whole experience was horrendous, I don't think it properly dealt with it at the time, I didn't tell any family so didn't get a great deal of support.

I'm now pregnant for the second time, I'm currently 7 weeks tomorrow, and I really, really can't calm myself down. The further along I'm getting, the worse I feel.
I have an early scan on Sunday - but even that won't really reassure me for long.

Does anyone have any similar experience or know of anything that might help me enjoy this pregnancy more? I'm so desperate for this baby to stick but need to try and stop obsessing about it.

ThanksThanks

OP posts:
ChinChilly · 07/01/2022 18:23

Hi @surprised12 I completely sympathise with you, I had a MMC in June which was found at my 12 week scan, baby had stopped growing at around 8 weeks. I am pregnant again and had a positive 12 week scan yesterday.

I don't think there is anything that can calm your nerves to be honest just take each day as it comes, I had scans every 2 weeks from 8 weeks and that helped because the next scan doesn't feel too far away. The only thing I did everytime I was really anxious was remind myself that this was a different pregnancy with a different outcome.

Sending you a hand hold, I know how tough it is.

TunaJacket · 07/01/2022 18:24

I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant after a MMC at 11 weeks, discovered at my 12 week scan.

Your previous experience will effect you. To put it bluntly. I’m not really sure there is anything you can do.

Even now I can finally feel baby and have had 4 perfect scans (2nhs and 2private), I worry.

But you did nothing wrong the first time and there is nothing you can do this time. However, the odds are in your favour and there is no reason why you won’t be holding your beautiful baby in 33 weeks time! 💐

GoodVibesOnlyPlease · 07/01/2022 21:04

I had 2 mmc's, currently almost 27 weeks pregnant and I honestly can't say I've been able to completely relax at all. I have good days and bad days, I've only just today bought the first babygrow 🙈 as pp have said take each day as it comes and it's a completely new pregnancy. There is always more chance of it going well than not. Fingers crossed everything goes well for you! 🤞

Wifflywafflywoo · 08/01/2022 10:50

My first pregnancy ended in MMC. We booked a private scan in at 9 weeks on the Christmas Eve to get photos to surprise family with on Christmas day. Found out at that scan there was no heartbeat and baby stopped growing at 7 weeks ish. Devastating doesn't really cover it. I rang the hospital EPU and they said due to it being Christmas they couldn't see me until 27th December. I don't know how we got through Christmas, I can remember sitting at lunch thinking about my poor dead baby just stuck inside of me and it really did a lot of mental damage. My body also didn't realise it was miscarrying so I had to have a D&C on 30th December. Two weeks later I went back in with heavy bleeding to find they hadn't removed everything and I was treated with antibiotics. After that my body and cycle was so upset my periods went funny and we ended up two years later being referred for IVF due to unexplained infertility. I suffered a lot with depression following the loss and I honestly thought IVF would be a nightmare.

I'm now 20 weeks pregnant with our first IVF round and although I still have the worrying niggles and still haven't really accepted we'll successfully have a baby, I'm in a much better place. I sat myself down and just told myself there's very little I can do to change nature and what happens will happen. Sounds daft but it actually worked and I now just float along taking each day as it comes. A very nice experienced midwife told me "if a baby is meant to come there is very little that will stop it'. Sounds daft but it actually helped!

I hope everything goes well for you x

Original poster
surprised12 · 08/01/2022 12:13

Thank you everyone - it's comforting to know you all have babies on the way and you've gotten past that awful point.

@Wifflywafflywoo I think your advice will help, there is nothing I can do to change what will or won't happen - I just need to be brave and suck it up!

Wishing us all good luck!

OP posts:
Anewdress · 08/01/2022 16:04

Hello @surprised12 firstly I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Pregnancy is such an anxious time and it is made a lot worse my previous experience of miscarriage. I had a MMC before my DS2 was born. I went for my dating scan (should have been 13 weeks) and was told I'd lost the baby. However the sac had continued to grow, so I still felt pregnant and had pregnancy symptoms throughout. I then had to take the tablets to passs the pregnancy. It was definitely one of the most awful things I had to go through, I remember having to go to the pharmacy to collect the tablets and breaking down. It's crazy how you can become so attached to something you've not met. You get your head around the pregnancy and start incorporated this baby into your life plans and then it's all taken away.

When I became pregnant again I was like you, a nervous wreck. I kept checking for bleeding, I worried every symptom or non symptom was a sign or miscarriage.
All I will say is that it got easier as the pregnancy progressed. Unfortunately you don't completely know what is going on inside your body. An early scan (at 8 weeks) helped because I knew the baby had made it to longer than the last one and I felt a little more positive. I was an absolute wreck before my 12 week scan through, it brought back horrible memories and part of me didn't want to go in. I was so, so anxious and convinced they'd say I'd lost the baby. Luckily all was ok and I relaxed at this point as I knew the risk of miscarriage was a lot lower now. Hopefully you will feel the same, I know you've got that horrible waiting bit in-between but all you can do is look after yourself as best you can and unfortunately the rest is beyond your control. Once you start to feel baby move, you'll start to feel more reassured then too.
Good luck for everything and I really hope your scan goes well, let us know!

Original poster
surprised12 · 09/01/2022 18:17

It went really well! The scan lady was so lovely and re- assuring.
We saw the baby - measured at 7 weeks so I'm end of August due date at the minute.

We saw it's strong little heartbeat 💓

The scan lady thoroughly checked everything and really put my mind at ease. Up to now, everything is perfect!

Thank you for all of your replies and well wishes xx

OP posts:
Mamaux · 09/01/2022 19:58

I had a MMC 16 years ago. Back them they didn't give 12 week scans so I found out at my 20 week scan. Baby had stopped growing at about 11 weeks but still had a heartbeat. I had to wait around for the heart to stop and to have a D and C. It honestly traumatised me. I had another child 2 years later and was constantly panicking something was wrong. I'm now pregnant again, and all of those same memories and worries have come back to haunt me. This has proven to me that time isn't a healer. I find myself celebrating weekly that I've got through another milestone. Currently 37 weeks and won't be relaxed until my precious boy arrives... and then a different type of worry starts.

Original poster
surprised12 · 09/01/2022 22:47

@Mamaux

I had a MMC 16 years ago. Back them they didn't give 12 week scans so I found out at my 20 week scan. Baby had stopped growing at about 11 weeks but still had a heartbeat. I had to wait around for the heart to stop and to have a D and C. It honestly traumatised me. I had another child 2 years later and was constantly panicking something was wrong. I'm now pregnant again, and all of those same memories and worries have come back to haunt me. This has proven to me that time isn't a healer. I find myself celebrating weekly that I've got through another milestone. Currently 37 weeks and won't be relaxed until my precious boy arrives... and then a different type of worry starts.
Ahh that's so sad to hear! 37 weeks means you don't have long to wait for that beautiful boy!

Wishing you all the luck x x

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