Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

7 months and unsure

6 replies

Ribrabrob · 05/01/2022 13:39

Please let me start by saying that I feel guilty and pathetic writing this but I can’t help how I feel.

I’m 7 months pregnant and I don’t think I want this baby. I don’t feel excited whilst it’s all everyone around me can talk about. I’ve never even held a baby and, if I’m honest, indifferent to them and never really found them that cute.

I don’t feel mature enough (despite being in my late 20s) and I don’t feel ready. I have no idea how to keep a baby alive. I’ve realised that I enjoy the pregnancy side of things - I like the attention of being pregnant (I’m pathetic I know), being close to my partner etc but I don’t want what comes next. I was desperate to get pregnant for a few years before this but it wasn’t the right time and a big part of wanting this is that I thought it would take a long time ttc but I was very fortunate that it only took 2 months in the end.

All I can think is that I don’t want this pregnancy to end because I don’t think I want what comes next. I feel guilty because other people are desperate to meet their baby but I’m just.. not.

My partner is so excited but he seems to have a very unrealistic view of what it’s like to have a baby I.e. thinks baby won’t cry much and it will just fit in with our lives. He also seems to think that i will just know how the care for the baby because of motherly instincts.

I’ve never been an anxious person but I can feel myself starting to get anxious - I’m scared of the birth (I’m rubbish with pain) and really, just how to keep a baby alive. I’m wondering if this is a big part of my feelings.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel trapped in a situation that I actively chose. I feel ridiculous.

I’m sorry if my post offends anyone.

OP posts:

feliznavidad2 · 05/01/2022 13:43

@Ribrabrob Firstly, I think you're very brave and honest to share how you're feeling. I imagine that a large number of women feel or have felt the same way as you at different times during their pregnancies.

Your first port of call should be midwife in my opinion, I'm sure they'll be able to give you some reassurance you both on the emotional and practical side of being a new Mum and the feelings you're experiencing.

Mumoftwo1990 · 05/01/2022 13:46

@Ribrabrob

Please let me start by saying that I feel guilty and pathetic writing this but I can’t help how I feel.

All I can think is that I don’t want this pregnancy to end because I don’t think I want what comes next. I feel guilty because other people are desperate to meet their baby but I’m just.. not.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel trapped in a situation that I actively chose. I feel ridiculous.

I’m sorry if my post offends anyone.

Don't feel guilty, honestly I never wanted kids point blank I was not interested. But then I got pregnant by accident, I wasn't 100% but I knew my boyfriend wanted children so we decided to go ahead and it took me a long time to process it. I wasn't excited like everyone else seemed to be, it was an inconvenience for me nothing was my own but the attention was nice so I get you.

Speak to a doctor and you might be able to get some counselling etc, I wish I'd got some sort of help sooner to realise it was okay to feel that way.

OtiMama · 05/01/2022 14:07

Don't feel bad and I actually think you are amazing for saying this. I think a lot of people find being a first time mother overwhelming but many don't say. I know people who didn't like babies, in fact still don't but love their own children.

Reach out to your midwife about how you are feeling, maybe you aren't excited because you aren't feeling prepared, not that anyone can prepare you fully for becoming a mother but lots of local trusts offer parenting courses, Show you how to feed, bath the baby etc. Have a look at NCT as well, although there are also cheaper online options. To be honest a lot of it you learn as you go along.

I think it's great that your partner is positive, but also need to be realistic that being a parent is hard, newborns need a lot from you and it will test your relationship at times but it really is true there is nothing like being a parent and those more difficult days do pass and aren't forever. I always say to myself this is just a phase on a difficult night.

Sending you hugs, you've got this, you are stronger than you realise and there will be lots of other mums to be feeling the same way.

Original poster

Ribrabrob · 06/01/2022 10:22

Hi all. Thank you for the kind replies, I appreciate it. It has been hard to admit but even just writing my feelings down helped a bit.

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so I will discuss it then. I will also ask about antenatal classes as only seem to be private very expensive ones in my area, but I do feel like that would also help.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

OtiMama · 06/01/2022 11:44

I hope your midwife appointment goes well tomorrow. sadly I do think a lot of the free NHS ones were cut since covid, I didn't get offered anything and she just asked what I had done myself.

This might be useful for you - www.louenna.com/nannylouennaapp
Off the top of my head it's only about £20 the year and I found I learnt so much before I had my son, she covers all the Early years and you can dip in and out of things. Some is preparing for baby and other bits once baby is here, like how to change, bath , swaddle etc. Because it's such short sections it's not overwhelming but there's lots there.

Also for birth I did positive birth company videos, I found the breathing techniques so helpful. I think they might do a post birth one too.

Somerandomgirl · 06/01/2022 16:05

Just because you dont like other peoples babies doesnt mean you will not like your own! I dont know how to act with other babies or children etc...but with mine is whole different thing and i love him endlessly . So dont dwell on your feelings now, just wait and see. And your partner and family is around they will help too if you get overwhelmed

Flip