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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

who'll be with you when you give birth

34 replies

Carolbrad · 22/12/2007 19:25

Im only a pregnant newbie but am worried about this. Do most people have just their hubbies in there, or their mum for most of it.

what is everyone planning?

OP posts:

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brusselbeansprouts · 22/12/2007 19:30

Dh (and about 8 medical staff as it turned out, but that's another story!!!)

Basically, whoever you want there and who you will get the best support from. Some men aren't up to it and mum is then a much better option!

Gemy · 22/12/2007 19:42

In my limied experience (only had 1 child so far, next one due soon) my DH was a total waste of time. Honastly, he was rubbish!

This time I thought I'd take DH and mum but he has promised he will not be a waste of space this time (has even been listening to my hypnobirthing!) - for this I will have to wait and see!

LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy · 22/12/2007 20:15

I had dh and mum at mine, mum arrived later on when things really kicked in. They were both rubbing my back in turns, dh did most but mum helped calm me - I'm pleased they were BOTH there tbh Oh....then later on mum decided to film when ds was coming!!

LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy · 22/12/2007 20:16

But mum is 4 hours away now and I'm hoping for a home birth. I did hint that if there's time, she could come down when needed

Lazylou · 22/12/2007 20:18

DH and Mum were both there when I had DD although this time, Mum will have to look after DD so atm its just me and DH . My mum was brilliant, so was DH to an extent except he kept dashing off to ring his mum with updates. He has hinted that as my mum is DDsitting, he would like his mum there . Don't really suppose I'll care once things get going though!

myjobismum · 22/12/2007 20:29

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Anonymama · 22/12/2007 20:41

Had mum and DP there, and they were both fab, but presence of mother very comforting. She is pretty unflappable and didn't take anything personally - although she did ask me to stop saying f*!! After a particularly grim day, she and DP went home for a bottle of wine and takeaway and it was really good to know that he was not alone and had someone to offload to.

Research shows that having the same woman (not necessarily your MW) with you throughout can shorten your labour. Personally I would go for the same team next time.

Mumblesmummy · 23/12/2007 10:39

I'm having my DP and mum, although there's a sign up in the hospital saying you can only have one birth partner. Sod that, I'm having two whether they like it or not. If my DP goes out for a cigarette (he's allowed to take smoking back up for the ONE DAY ONLY to calm nerves) I don't want to be on my own. So I'm telling my midwife next time I see her.

My Dp doesn't want to miss anything and I know he'll be a huge help, that's why I want him there. And mum's a comforter so I need her too.

madChristmasmouse · 23/12/2007 10:48

I will be relying on my DH who is my rock and will be ace, as long as they warn him in advance about any needles. He is great with blood gore and vomit, but needles make him faint . Mum died 10 years ago. I would not mind having either my MIL or my stepmum there, as they are both great, but they live in Holland so getting there on time is a bit of an issue and MIL (who I would choose out of the two) is in living in a nursing home, so no chance. She managed to get DH's big head out at home so would be a help. Step mum has no children, but is a very experienced nursing home nurse and very calm and dry. But I am sure I will cope with DH. Advantage of a home birth is having a midwife to yourself as well and they are really supportive over here.

GoodGollyMissMolly · 23/12/2007 10:57

I had DH and my dad with me, and 10 (dad counted) different medical personnel as had problems towards the end. My mum fusses too much and I knew I would need no nonsense people.
Luckily my dad was there to help clam me and DH down when things started to go a bit haywire.

Quattrocento · 23/12/2007 11:02

My DH who is otherwise a sensible, steady, reliable chap, turned into a big wobbly jelly on the day. So I agree with Gemy that husbands can be a bit of a disappointment. Get someone who is familiar with what you want and need (drill it into them beforehand) and get them to be there and insist on it for you - later in labour you won't be in any condition to assert yourself.

mustrunmorewantsanewname · 23/12/2007 11:05

Ds1 - had dh there, and it was totally pointless. He wsa very supportive and helpful afterwards, bur crap during.

Ds2 - had my friend there; she was superb! Organised, a real 'voice' for me when I couldnt get my point across myself. And she seemed to know exactly what I was thinkning and what I needed

FlllightAttendant · 23/12/2007 11:09

Mum with my first. She enjoyed it!

Second time, she was looking after ds1 so my friend was there with me. She was fantastic. I had a doula as well, but she wasn't so experienced as my friend, it is just horses for courses

Neither father was committed to me when their children were being born so they weren't involved.

miniandme · 23/12/2007 11:50

Had mum and exp for first 2,then best friend and exp for number 3.
Am due number 4 and 5 twins 2nd feb but they have been threatening to make an appearance for weeks now and will have my fiance and best mate with me this time round.This is dp first babies and bf already has twins so she has been a rock all through this pg.

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 23/12/2007 11:56

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snowsnowsugar · 23/12/2007 12:14

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snowsnowsugar · 23/12/2007 12:16

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minspugs · 23/12/2007 14:06

with dd1 i just had dh there as we were at uni and everyone else was miles away, never actually considered having anyone else there.
with dd2 dh and my little sis there, it was really special as my sis saw dd being born and it was the first baby she had seen being born (shes now training to be a mw) also found it quite comforting to have them both there and it was a nice chatty atmosphere. would not have my mam there as she reckons giving birth doesnt hurt and cant understand what the fuss is about (the wierdo ) having (hopefully) a home birth with dd3 in march and dh and sis will be there for this one too.

MsPontipine · 24/12/2007 01:33

I gave birth the midwifery led dept at local hospital. I had no partner. The local midwives had previously asked me if I would have anyone with me or did I want the midwife to be my birth partner so I felt totally supported by them if I chose not to have anybody else with me.

The midwife who delivered ds (5) was the most incredible lady. She was with me from start to finish through every laugh, tear, choice of nightie and contraction. It was like having my best friend there but who was an expert and knew exactly what to do. I felt totally at ease with her and put my total faith in her as she coached me through the most incredible few hours of my life. (4 and a half hours start to finish) I have a photograph of the 3 of us minutes after ds was born. She looked beautiful - fresh as a daisy. I didn't!!!

Of course it was not all roses. Yes it did hurt and I was scared but this wonderful lady still managed to turn my labour into an exremely positive experience.

I still see her occasionally. She still gets a big hug and a kiss.

madamez · 24/12/2007 01:40

I had my best mate and my mum(as well as assorted midvies etc). DSdad was not my partner and had not been around during the pregnancy so even though he got back in touch a month before DS was born and offered to be at the birth I said no. My friend and mum were both brilliant and I wouldn't have had it any other way

chloemegjess · 24/12/2007 01:42

I am having my mum and my husband here. I am planning a home birth, and been told it's completly up to me. If I wanted 20 people, I could! I think in hospital, the most you can have is 2, and then only 1 for a section. May depend on the hospital though.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/12/2007 01:54

whoever your comfortble with i had dh he was great but whatever puts you at ease on the day

2boys2 · 24/12/2007 07:35

i had just my hubby and midwife. Hubby was brilliant both times - even the midwives said how great he was . Would not have my mum there as she is useless in a crisis and takes over. I gave the maternity unit stict instructions that she was NOT allowed in because she was adamant she would be there - and i was just as adamant that she would'nt be!!!

toadstool · 24/12/2007 10:20

DH both times. I wouldn't have dreamt of having my mother in there, it would have been all about her, and pretty competitive! For distraction, we had Classic FM on the 2nd time around, it turned out the MW played in an orchestra, and all we spent most of the time playing Name that Tune, e.g. during stitches.

meglet · 24/12/2007 11:24

I decided on my DP and sister. The midwife said it was a good idea to have 2 people as they could take a break when they needed it and be fresher to support me. Sister is also medical so she understands how hospitals run. In the event DP was quietly supportive, but way out of his depth (bless), lil sis was hilarious and made sure she put Radio 1 Chris Moyles on for me even as I was being prepared for a EM C-section. She kept me calm and grounded.

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