Help !!!!

[Pleasenojudgementaladvice]

Please no judgemental advice as this is the only place Iv spoken about this..

Iv just found out I’m 8 weeks pregnant (from LMP) but I already have a 1 year old daughter who I’m involved with social services with due to domestic violence in my previous relationship. (which Iv now been free of for 6 months & Iv completed a domestic violence course to recognise the signs of domestic abuse in any relationships in the future). She is currently getting fostered under an ICO with her paternal grandparents but we have family court in 2 weeks and they are looking to make this a SGO (permanent placement). Since being involved with them other concerns have come up regarding my mental health (Iv suffered badly with depression since having my daughter removed but Iv in contact with the crisis team, regularly taking anti-depressants & had counselling). I also had to have a unexpected alcohol test which I only found out about a week before and as it was over the august period when it had been a lot of friends birthdays and events etc my alcohol level was high for that 4 week period which it wouldn’t normally Be but now it’s a concern to them so Iv had to seek help from a alcohol charity even though I know I don’t need it I have to look like I’m being proactive.

During the proceedings with my daughter family haven’t been very supportive with me at all so I don’t have a close relationship with them anymore meaning I have no support system. Also I know the pregnancy which Iv conceived now has been on a one night stand on a night out which I’m really ashamed of as I don’t even have any contact details for the person who’s baby it would be.

I really don’t want to get an abortion but I genuinely feel like this is my only option :( I feel like this is my one last chance to prove I deserve to be a mother which Iv always wanted to be which has been snatched away from me but I feel like if I was to continue the pregnancy and this nightmare happen again with social services I literally couldn’t survive it.

Really really stuck at what to do. Does anyone have any advise? Honest advice is welcome but please try not to be judgemental X

Also I feel like I’d have to keep the whole pregnancy a secret from friends / family too incase they decided to remove at birth.

Hi OP is there a reason why your 1 year old won't be returned to you? I thought this was pretty much the last resort to remove children from their mothers? Unfortunately given the circumstances and how the baby was conceived i don't think I'd continue the pregnancy sorry - it's highly likely that this baby would be removed too x

If you decide you want to continue with this pregnancy, you're going to need to do a bit of hard thinking and make some changes, including changing how you work with social work.

From your post, it comes across like you feel social work have been the enemy here, but actually their primary objective here will be to protect your daughter from harm or risks of harm - as her mother, this is probably something you have in common with them, even if you don't necessarily agree with everything they do. Rather than fighting them or resisting them, try engaging with them constructively. For example, you mentioned they've highlighted alcohol as a concern. Instead of jumping to defend yourself from them, ask them what about alcohol has been concerning, both in your case and in general, consider that information carefully, reflect on it (could they be seeing something you haven't seen yet?), and make and follow a plan to implement changes. Self-reflection can be hard, but your goal here is the welfare of your child (or children).

If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, your best course of action will be to tell social work as soon as possible and accept every bit of input they offer - parenting classes, alcohol and drug education, counselling, referrals to mental health services - all of these things could help make a difference to your health, your ability to care for a child, and your chances of being able to be in your children's lives. Social work will be part of your life going forward, but they aren't the enemy here. They want what you presumably want - for children to be safe and well. Early and meaningful engagement with them is your best chance of keeping or maintaining contact with any further children you may have.

It's your choice wether to go ahead or not but you are better being honest with ss and family. Is your daughter likely to come back to you? Can you afford to support another child. ? It sounds like you are trying to do the right things but it would help to get support with this.

Is there any possibility your DD could be returned to you? I would be doing absolutely anything I could to make sure this happened. This is how you prove you deserve to be a mother, to your existing child. It’s ultimately your choice but I’d be concerned about the quality of life for you, your DD and the new baby if you were to go ahead with this pregnancy at the stage you are at with your current DD. Depending on your age I would consider abortion but then fully focus on you and DD, and then consider more children in the future if your situation allows it. This is the sensible route to take.

Whatever decision you make though I wouldn’t judge you either way. Regardless of circumstances I don’t think any woman should be forced into birth or abortion. Just please listen to the professionals who just want the best for the children and focus entirely on what they ask of you.

Thank you for the advice everyone Xx