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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

16 weeks and scared to tell him I’m pregnant

18 replies

Mamatobe22 · 03/01/2022 18:20

So this pregnancy was unplanned but I knew as soon as I found out I wanted to keep it. The father of my child has stated in the past he doesn’t want a baby. We get on well but we’re not in an official relationship. I completely adore the man but since he works away most of the time I didn’t see him until 3 months after I found out I was pregnant which was yesterday. We had such a lovely time together and he was so affectionate I couldn’t bring myself to spoil our time together or upset him with the news. I believe he is a good man, I’m so scared of losing him from my life and the baby’s as soon as I tell him. Part of me thinks because I know he isn’t a bad person and has a conscience that he couldn’t abandon his child, however since he has stated before he doesn’t want a baby i have prepared myself from the start to the idea that I’ll be a single mother.

Any suggestions as to how I break it to him? He will be moving to the other side of the country soon for work where he will be working for at least 6 months, he might be back up home a few times but not often, so if I’m to tell him to his face which is probably the better option it has to be soon. Please don’t judge me terribly for not telling him yet, it’s really hard for me and I don’t know how To do it.

OP posts:

duvetdayforeveryone · 03/01/2022 18:27

I wouldn't tell him. Instead have a few more surprise pregnancies, then get all the children to sing the news to their father when they are older, Von Trap style.

duvetdayforeveryone · 03/01/2022 18:28

Seriously, are you friendly with any of his family?

thingymaboob · 03/01/2022 18:39

Show him a picture of the 12 week scan photo. Be prepared for the fact that he is going to be reasonably annoyed that you've waited so long to tell him.

Cakecakecheese · 03/01/2022 18:40

You're right you need to do it face to face, and ASAP. Just take a deep breath and tell him. Have you told any of your friends? It might help to have a friend on standby who can come and sit with you afterwards if he doesn't take it too well.

bagocrochet · 03/01/2022 19:06

Oh, you have to tell him asap. He has a right to know, and the truth will be much less stressful for you than all this worry. You obviously can't keep it a secret forever! So just tell him.

Say something like this:

"I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. I've known for a few weeks now, but I was so scared to tell you because you said that you didn't want to have children. However, I have decided that, even though it wasn't planned, I am having this baby. The baby is due in [whichever month it's due]. I know this will be a shock. "

It's then up to him what he does next, but you remain in control of your own situation. Good luck.

Kshhuxnxk · 03/01/2022 19:09

Well, what's the worse that can happen, he's not interested and your 'non-relationship' ends. Just tell him and get it over and done with. You'll feel much better! Congratulations btw ;)

bagocrochet · 03/01/2022 19:09

Also, if he truly is a good man, you won't lose him from your life once he knows. Any decent and relatively intelligent man should know that no contraception is 100% failsafe and therefore, if he's having sex with a woman, pregnancy is a possibility.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 03/01/2022 19:11

The sooner you tell him, the more time he has to get used to the idea and process his feelings before baby gets here.

If you're mature enough to make a baby, you are mature enough to have a hard conversation. Good luck!

Cas112 · 03/01/2022 19:29

You really just need to get it over with and tell him as soon as. You've kept it quiet with long enough x

Holskey · 03/01/2022 19:31

Tell him ASAP. Leaving it allows other problems to arise, such as you spending time with him whilst not telling him - he may consider that deceitful. He may get into a relationship with someone new - don't let that happen without him knowing. That would be so unfair on everyone including you.

Congratulations!

JoeyLin · 04/01/2022 13:43

Don't cause yourself extra anxiety / worry / stress about this as you need to look after your body and your baby....
Do what is the least stressful for YOU... I know many will say 'face-to-face' is best... and it seems you are comfortable with this too. BUT don't feel pressured to... if it is better you call after, or write a pre-prepared text... you can do that too.

IncompleteSenten · 04/01/2022 13:47

You could say our contraception failed and I'm pregnant. I know you have been very clear that you don't want a baby but you need to know that I will be keeping the child.

That's all you can do at this point

Agree to give him time to digest the news then talk again about the level of involvement he would want.

Pieceofpurplesky · 04/01/2022 23:43

Works away ... or does he have other commitments.
You have to tell him and leave it up to him to decide what he wants to do. Don't try and force his hand. You can do this with him or alone.

BabyOnBoard90 · 05/01/2022 00:59

It's a very bad mistake not telling him ASAP...

Cruel and immature also imo.

SirVixofVixHall · 05/01/2022 01:08

I agree , tell him asap. He might need time to process the information, so don’t go by his first response, whatever it is.

GinnyBee · 05/01/2022 11:33

You have to tell him. Stress the point that you know he said he doesn't want kids and that you are prepared to be a single parent and expect nothing from him if he doesn't want to be involved, but he has the right to know and also decide what he wants now that it's no longer a hypothetical but actually happening.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 05/01/2022 13:09

Have you told him yet, @Mamatobe22?

Outlyingtrout · 05/01/2022 13:37

You absolutely don’t have to tell him you “expect nothing from him”. He is as much responsible for creating this baby as you are and is obviously still obligated to pay CM. It would have been better to tell him sooner but the fact that you haven’t doesn’t alter any of the material facts. You want the baby and the reality of biology means that’s solely your decision at this point. He had his chance to prevent the pregnancy earlier and failed to do so. If he’s not going to be celibate and he’s not going to have a vasectomy then he accepts the risk of unwanted pregnancy.

I’d just tell him OP. It’s not going to get easier. It’s only going to get harder the longer you wait. The sooner you tell him, the better the chance of an amicable arrangement.

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