When labour didn’t go to plan…

[TreeRoad]

Hi all,

I had my baby some weeks ago and end of the labour didn’t go well, with a complication for me.

I suffered a haemorrhage post-delivery and things went awry. The haemorrhage was huge - I’m lucky to be alive as I lost about 60% of my blood volume.

Although I avoided theatre, I only had very brief skin to skin contact with my baby before there was 20 people around me due to the emergency.

The baby is fine - as am I - and we’ve been home for a while. As time goes on, I think about what happened a lot. I feel sort of cheated.

Of course I’m incredibly grateful to have had the help available that I did and I know people out there have far worse experiences. I think about the small things that I didn’t get to do - no real time with baby, no proper skin to skin, no time with my partner afterwards, no natural progression from the delivery area to post-natal care.

I also haven’t been able to breastfeed due to the blood I lost. I never got past the colostrum stage. My baby wasn’t getting nearly enough milk so I had to go to formula.

Every time I think about the feeding, it hurts. I feel like an absolute failure and although my baby is healthy and gaining plenty of weight, I feel like I’ve let them down. I’m so angry at myself that I wasn’t able to do such a simple thing as produce the milk. I had briefly mentioned this to my partner the other day but he wasn’t interested so the conversation never came to be.

Did anyone else have an experience like this where things just didn’t go as they had wanted? I would love to get over it and move on, but it’s proving a bit of a process.

Hi OP. Firstly a big hug! I also had a traumatic ending to my birth with a cat 1 emergency c section and haemorrhage. I felt poorly for weeks after; I’m now six weeks pp and only just realising how poorly I was.

Well done on the birth of your baby and congratulations!

I have had a debrief to process my birth. Is this an option for you? I feel like it’s helped me so, so much to move on. It was all consuming before that. I went through my entire birth step by step with a lovelt midwife and my notes - all of my questions were answered and we discussed which parts were just chance and which could be avoided by putting measures in place next time.

Also talk to people you trust, posting on here was a good idea to get it all out xxx

although it's great for the staff involved to have an idea of your preferred treatments. i really think the whole "birth plan" is a set up for blame and disappointment.
women continue to be sold a lie that they have any control over their vital organs and the life of the baby during any delivery. which is, like it or not, a life threatening situation.

@FrangipanFlower Im glad everything was resolved by 6 weeks.
I had no clue about placenta retention until my trip back to triage where they told me it was a possibility. During the birth anf haemorrhage several peoppe checked and said the placenta was whole so Im hoping everything is ok.
I guess I will have to wait and see when I have my scan.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Your experience is very similar to mine. My dd is 15 months and I had an emcs at 10cm, had a major haemorrhage and lost 2.5L of blood. I needed a blood transfusion. I was completely floored and unable to care for my daughter independently.

I had planned to breastfeed and knew absolutely nothing about bottle feeding. Like you, the haemorrhage and trauma meant I never had any milk come in and breastfeeding was impossible.

It took a long time for me to get over it and I grieved that really, not having that experience.

You absolutely haven't let anyone down. You don't realise that milk doesn't come in for everyone after a trauma until it happens to you. Give yourself time to grieve that but know that you have a healthy baby and that is more important than anything. It takes time to move past it, I think it took me 8-9 months but now my daughter is older and food is the main source of nutrients, I've resolved those feelings.

You've been through a lot - be kind to yourself.

Both of mine ended up as c sections so yes I felt like you do. It takes a while but I promise these feelings pass.

I'm sorry you feel this way but I completely understand. I hope my experience helps you.
For my first pregnancy I was doing great except gaining a ton of weight. But I had a lot of energy and almost no morning sickness. Then it came time for labor... and my body refused. While my breast grew a cup and half in 1st trimester, that was it. No Braxton hicks,, no cervix ripening,, no early leaking,, nothing. We waited until 42weeks- 42! Then we forced inducement. They had to give meds to make my cervix dilate enough to receive inducement med. Then I was in full labor for 24 hrs. They had to manually break my water, and I never dialted more then 3mm. The stress took its toll on my son and his heart rate plummeted to below 60bps. I was rushed to emergency c-section, no anesthesia and i had refused epidural because I wanted a natural birth. I had just been a doula for fellow Army wife who did all natural and it went great. They put me under after they got my son out so my memory of the surgery pain would be fuzzy. It would be 12hrs before i would hold him. Even with lactation consult he refused my breast. So I thought I could still pump. I would pump an hour and never have more then 1oz between both breast. After 3 mons I couldn't even produce that and I gave it up.
For my 2nd, I was sick the whole pregnancy, throwing up and diarrhea. At the due date visiting again had experienced no preparation to end pregnancy. The doctor said we could wait a week then, if no labor, induce. I wish I had waited but I was so terrified it would all happen again I just asked for a scheduled c section the next day. It went smoothly and she was latched to my breast as I was wheeled into my room. Within 2 weeks of both regular nursing and pumping it was obvious I wasn't producing enough. An extra hour of pumping produced 3oz between both breast (more then before but not enough) and she also needed bottle supplement. I stuck with it for 5 long mons. When couldn't produce more then an ounce in an hour I gave up.
Both my babies grew up healthy and hardy and I try to keep processed junk out of their mouths.
10 years after our 2nd was born, my husband and I are anxiously wait our last child in May. And he will be our last, I am now 44 and my husband has vasectomy scheduled for a month after our little guy arrives.
I will do what I can to breastfeed, although I'm buying the manual hand pumps instead of a fancy battery powed one. And I've bought the breastfeed bottles and formula because no reason to not prepare.
I will also use cloth diapers again- which always shock people LOL!
And there is no chance of a natural birth, they wont even discuss it. My cesarean is scheduled a week before my due date just to be safe.
And you know what? I don't care. My oldest is 14, my birth experience with him is great story but my emotions are tied to memories of his super early walking (and running and climbing). My daughter is 10, and while I wish I had vaginally delivered and had better luck breastfeeding, my emotions are tied to how industrious she was as a toddler.
Don't dwell on this, be glad your baby grows healthy and strong.
I know God gave woman the best nutrient for the baby but He also knows this world is fallen, and so He provided good mothers ways to overcome the damage of a toxic world.
Do not take the blame from where it belongs.
All will be well, ENJOY YOUR MOTHERHOOD!!!