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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Birth options after late loss..

12 replies

Halli2020 · 02/01/2022 20:59

In August I lost my son at 21 weeks. This was a TFMR (termination for medical reasons) basically my son was very poorly and wouldn't of survived full term. I beat myself up about it everyday. I am now 10 weeks pregnant again and although I have lots of milestones to go I'm already thinking of birth options all going well. Due to my ptsd I'm thinking of choosing a csection, I was basically so traumatised giving birth to my son "sleeping" that the thought of going through it again terrifies me.

I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies prior to my son also, one I had surgery for, one was treated with an injection, both very painful. My pregnancies so far have been emotionally and physically painful so I'm hoping someone can offer me some guidance of how they found birth after a later loss or if you opted for a csection? And initially how you found the Birth after a loss. Thankyou x

OP posts:

OchonAgusOchonOh · 02/01/2022 21:25

I had a TFMR at 21 weeks too. For my next, I went for a natural birth. I did pre-natal yoga and used The New Active Birth book by Janet Balaskas. I made sure I was as prepared as possible. I did a detailed birth plan. It didn't all go as planned as I had a midwife who kept trying to push drugs on me and wanted me to get in the semi-reclined position rather than kneeling as I had wanted, but overall it was a positive experience.

The one after that, I was a lot more assertive and basically interviewed the midwife when I got to the hospital to ensure she was willing to go with my preferences. She was much better and the experience was much more positive.

Scirocco · 02/01/2022 23:18

My plan is currently for an ELCS this time. I couldn't see myself coping with a natural delivery at this time (after a second trimester loss) and my consultant agreed an ELCS would be a reasonable plan due to PTSD. She was really supportive and linked me in with a lovely therapist who has been seeing me regularly throughout this pregnancy.

Original poster

Halli2020 · 02/01/2022 23:45

@Scirocco are you in the UK? I have spoken to my midwife about an ELCS and she said could be possible, is ptsd good enough grounds to qualify for a csec?

OP posts:

Daisy95 · 02/01/2022 23:53

@Halli2020 so sorry for your loss. I've only experienced a miscarriage so cannot understand whatsoever.

But wanted you to know you have the right to request an elective section for no reason whatsoever let alone with your reasoning. Midwifes try to put you off them but a maternal request is a right and if a consultant says no you just ask for another consultant until they say yes.
Have a look at birthrights.org

Do what is best for you and your family

lawandgin · 02/01/2022 23:54

I'm so sorry for your previous losses OP. In case you didn't know, maternal choice is a valid reason for an elective section. You do not need any other reason, although in your situation I can't imagine anyone denying your request even if they could. NICE guidelines are clear that if your doctor refuses a c section, they must refer you to someone else who will perform one. Basically you might get some resistance but you are entitled to one for any reason. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy.

EssexCat · 02/01/2022 23:59

I wish you all the very best. I insisted heavily on being induced early for my subsequent two pregnancies after a stillbirth. My consultant was more than willing to agree.

Having a definite date to countdown to made an enormous difference, but I recognise I had no fear of labour itself so am not necessarily saying you shouldn’t go for an ELCS but rather suggesting that hopefully you should be given choices as the hospital will recognise the incredibly hard circumstances.

So very sorry for your loss.

Scirocco · 03/01/2022 00:57

@Halli2020, yes I'm in the UK. The NICE guidelines say maternal choice for any reason is a valid choice, and if your consultant doesn't feel able to agree to your request, they need to refer you to someone else. There are risks and benefits to C-sections, but there are for all things in life - it's a case of weighing up what's best for you in your circumstances.

Pigletting · 03/01/2022 17:41

Had a stillbirth (vaginal birth). The baby's death was not caused by the birthing process so that was not a risk factor for me in subsequent births (any more than it is for everyone of course).
I went for another vaginal birth, and had DS safely and straightforwardly. My thinking was that it was a completely separate baby and separate birth so I didn't really see it as related to the loss of my first baby. I just chose the option most suited to me as anyone would. I didn't think about my lost baby whilst in labour with my second (all I thought about was the pain)!
But if you don't feel you will be able to see it as a separate event and that a vaginal birth will be traumatic for you, then a section is probably the right option for you. Push for it and don't let them coerce you into a birth you don't want!

Olissa8 · 03/01/2022 18:49

I lost my second baby at term (she was born alive but poorly and died at 5 days old). I went on to have my third and fourth by elective section. My first was an EMCS but I think they listed the reasons for my electives as maternal mental health/previous neonatal death above previous CS, if that makes sense? I don't think anyone would have argued with me if I'd not had the previous section.
Best wishes for your pregnancy

Bumbers · 03/01/2022 19:03

I lost / gave birth at 23 weeks when I went into pre term labour.

I agreed a low threshold for c section. So if anything not going perfectly I would basically switch to a c section. My waters went but my labour failed to progress and so I went for a c section rather than an induction. I am so, so, so glad I did. As is my DH, who would have found a natural birth v stressful. It was a wonderful, calm and special experience.

The consultant would have been totally happy with me going straight to an ELCS.

I will have an ELCS if I have another child

Lacedwithgrace · 03/01/2022 19:11

I had a stillborn daughter born vaginally at hospital, then 3 mcs, then Dd who was born naturally at home with no medications. I'm pregnant now and looking at a home birth again.

A c section could be perfect for you, but if you're up for it, hypnobirthing support could help for either a c section or vaginal birth. It could calm your anxiety and make you feel safer with your choice. Do your research and accept advice but do what feels best for you, it's your birth.

Twitterwhooooo · 03/01/2022 19:18

I'm sorry for your loss - it's still very recent.

I was traumatised by my late pregnancy loss but, strangely, not by the birth itself. My dh was though very much so.

When I got to 20 weeks with my subsequent pregnancies, I was very sure that I didn't want to go overdue. It took quite a lot of pushing from me to actually see the consultant rather than registrars, but I was induced just before 40 weeks.

If your ds's birth was traumatic for you, then elcs sounds like it's worth considering very seriously.

And as pps have said, material choice is a valid reason for requesting a elcs.

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