Worried about being lonely on Mat leave

[HolidayHun2020]

Hello,

What it says in the title really, I am terrified of being lonely on mat leave. Not many of my friends have kids & the majority of my friends live quite far away - assuming it will be difficult to see them with a new baby! I made a couple of mum friends at a pregnancy yoga class (I say friends we’ve been out for a walk and coffee & are regularly keeping in touch) but I’m really worried as they are both doing the same NCT and I feel like I’m gonna be left behind! I am doing NCT but the only one I could get is out of area & I’ve heard unless you live super close it’s hard to keep in touch.

Anyone have any tips? Also really keen to hear others experience of Mat leave! I feel like I’m being ridiculous but the idea of spending every day alone with a baby is terrifying me and really stressing me out!

TYIA x

I feel the same, although the only people I know with babies are my cousins and I literally have no friends. Was booked into Nct but have now been cancelled.... there babies were born in September and I'm due February!

Following incase anyone has any good tips 🤞

Hope it all goes well for you and baby 💖

Find a local parenting Facebook group and be really honest - you’ll find loads of similar people. Something like “looking for anyone due in February who fancies meeting up for walks/chats/new baby getting about”. Many people are in the same boat but don’t have the confidence to ask!

When baby is a little older, a routine will help.

We get up, have some play time, then breakfast, then a nap at home while I shower and do a bit of housework. Then we do our days 'activity' - feed the ducks, go to soft play, meet a friend.

I love days just me and my son the best ❤️ we do little coffee dates just he and I and honestly they are my favourite days. On busy days, I crave some alone time to focus on him and also to be gentle with my sleep deprived self!

Baby groups are great for meeting other mums! There are normally loads if you look for them locally.

I've found other new mums to be some of the nicest people I've ever met to be honest.

Don't be scared or worried. You'll never be alone, you'll have your new best friend! X

Get yourself out to local church toddler groups, I find the people at those are friendly and not competitive. Some of the lore structured classes attract the not so friendly mums and you have less chance to chat when it’s structured.

I also joined peanut which is like tinder for mums. I matched with a girl who lives close by, we started with walks, coffees, as babies got older play centres etc. We’ve now been out as couples without the babies, that’s how well we get on. So I would really recommend that app. I only really wanted one extra friend who lived close by, so once we matched, I deleted it but I’m sure there would have been loads more potential friends on there!

Hi, I completely empathise! DC1 was born right at the start of the first lockdown and I was on my own a lot with her because we physically couldn't meet anyone for months (not even family). It was really hard tbh but I got through it by having a routine every day, lots of walking outside and a worrying amount of TV. I think this time (DC2 due in Feb) things will at least be open so I'm planning to go for coffee/shopping by myself, take DC1 to soft play while I feed and as many toddler/baby groups as possible. It can be a bit lonely at times but having some activities planned each day that enable you to at least converse with other people really helps!

@Catherine1210 I like the look of church toddler groups but can you turn up with a baby?

@CurryandSnuggle yeah I didn’t start with my first Son until he was 8 months old but that was because of Covid. I’ve since had another baby two weeks ago and I’ll be taking him with us when they start again next week. In two out of the three I go to each week there is area with baby bouncers/play mats/young baby toys so they’re definitely welcome. I found the groups on google then I found their Facebook pages where they post times/dates of the groups

Contact the NCT nearer and ask if they've had any last minute cancellations to swap.

Do you have a Facebook mum group for your area? Might be called Mums chat, parenting etc. I joined this and someone put a post up to say she wanted to meet other mums and we have a WhatsApp group, we met once babies were born and we all regularly met a few times a week when on maternity leave and still do now since going back to work. I loved this as I could join when free but no costs and no pressure. We have quite a large group so usually someone is free and not the same people, you could try something like that?

Also as people have said local baby groups, classes etc. Since things have opened up more we have quite a few on here, hopefully the same for you. I think if you have a nice chat with someone you have to be brave and ask if they want to meet outside the group otherwise it is only good for that one hour a week.

I used the app Mush and met a very lovely mum friend and there’s peanut too.

I’d also say that at groups you need to push yourself to chat to people and to ask people if they want to meet for a coffee or a walk later in the week as I’ve found that often people want to but feel shy (myself included)

Find your nearest baby groups, there are loads of different types since restrictions allowed when my little on was 4.5months I have gone to a baby club at least twice a week, it has been my saviour I love being at home with my baby but having a reason to get out of the house and somewhere to actually go rather than walking round the park was so good for me and him. I was also very lucky with the groups that I went to one group we all used to go for coffee after group each week which was something to look forward to a bit of adult conversation etc. the other we made a watts app chat and have met up with 2 of the mums fortnightly since the group ended. I think going to groups gave me a really positive may

Sorry posted to soon I meant gave me a positive mat leave and I have now extended it and am having another year off which had I not done groups and enjoyed being off I don't think I would have done. It's also made my little boy very sociable and you learn ways of entertaining them at home. Xxx

I made friends in the hospital during early covid times (no visitors at all, could have been very isolated without them) and they're such wonderful friends. It made those nighttime feeds much less lonely too. You'll find your people in the strangest of places. My advice is just ask for people's numbers when you meet them, I nearly didn't ask and I'm so glad I did