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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Homebirth planned, told I need to have him in hospital.

23 replies

PollyBlue6 · 15/12/2021 19:00

I'd got my heart set on a homebirth/water birth. Everything was OK.

Went for my last growth scan today to be told the fluid is still slightly raised and he's measuring big (8lbs 2) and I'm 39 weeks and they advise I have him in hospital because of the risks (cord prolapse, bleeding afterwards etc) and they want to monitor him when I'm in labour.... even though at my other growth scan it was okayed I have a homebirth and even though the fluid was raised, it was only slight.

I had PND with my 1st and it set in when I was in overnight as I was in so much pain.
Birth number 2 was great because I didn't have an overnight stay.
I'm worrying that it's going to happen again.

I was diagnosed with depression last year and terrified it's going to flare my PND up again, which was one of the reason for a homebirth.

I'm not even allowed a waterbirth either.

Has anyone got any positive stories of a complete change of birth plan but ended up being OK?

OP posts:

kitkatsky · 15/12/2021 20:01

Well I had a second induction when I desperately wanted a natural birth for my last baby... but like you, it was recommended to keep the baby safe so I used that to make my peace with it

Bells3032 · 15/12/2021 20:10

At the end of the day the most important thing is to keep yourself and baby safe. Sorry you won't be able to have the birth of your dreams but it's one day of the rest of your life. And at the end of day just keep your mind on that.

L1ttleb1t · 15/12/2021 20:12

Could you request a planned csection instead?

LiloandTwitch · 15/12/2021 20:12

I had my 1st son in hospital, 9lbs.

I wanted a home birth with DS2. They told me I couldn't because of DS1s size. They did growth scans and told me at 39 weeks DS2 was bigger than DS1.

I told them I wasn't having him in hospital.

I had him at home, in a pool. He was 7lbs 11. The most perfect birth ever.

I had 2 more homebirths after that.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 15/12/2021 20:18

I'd always planned on a waterbirth with DD but labour happened so fast there wasn't much time, she then ended up getting stuck so had to be moved from the birth centre up to the labour ward. Not ideal but made my peace because at least she arrived safely. Currently 21 weeks and really hoping I can have a waterbirth this time but baby has some health conditions so not sure if it'll be possible!

Slayduggee · 15/12/2021 20:22

Can you ask for a second opinion? 8lbs 2oz doesn’t sound like a big baby? I thought babies put on about 0.5lbs per week so baby should be under 9lbs at term.

I had DS at home in 2020. He was predicted to be average but was actually just over 9 1/2lbs when born. I’m 5 foot 2. Was much bigger than DD but I bled less and only required a few stitches whereas with DD (6lbs 7oz) I ended up with tear and an episiotomy and bled more.

110APiccadilly · 15/12/2021 20:25

I wanted a minimal intervention home birth. My waters broke and I didn't go into labour so had to go into hospital where I had an induction on a drip, a number of hours of labour, an epidural, a number more hours of labour, advice from the doctor present that I was unlikely to give birth vaginally and carrying on trying might mean a distressed baby, and so a EMCS.

I don't regret any of that, even though none of it was what I wanted. By the time they took her out almost all my waters had actually gone so she had no "padding" (this is how it was explained to me). She was very tiny (under 5lb, which was completely unexpected), in an awkward position, and had the cord round her neck. Obviously there's a chance she'd have been fine if I'd had the home birth, but there's also a chance she wouldn't. (And I'd have had to go into hospital with her anyway because of her size even if she'd been born at home - at least that's what I was told). Once she was out I was just so happy she was safely out, to be honest, that I couldn't have cared less how she'd come!

Is there anyone (mental health team or anyone) you could talk to about the risk of PND for you? They might be able to suggest things that would help you?

Northernlurker · 15/12/2021 20:31

Well in my neck of the woods you won't get a home birth right now anyway because the midwife staffing is in crisis and all community midwives working in hospital.
You be been given advice to support a safe delivery for you both which is the key thing after all. I would just try and make it clear you want a six hour discharge. That's what I did. I ended up staying about 12 due to bleeding (was my third baby too and they are not kidding, it can be heavy) but the6 respected that I was going home before nightfall.

Northernlurker · 15/12/2021 20:33

@Slayduggee 8lbers are increasingly common but defo on the larger side and I understood weight gain to be nearer to a lb a week close to term.

notagainnotagain · 15/12/2021 20:39

I think the best way to reduce the risk of PND is to be open to change. Focus on the end goal.

That goal should not be to have a particular type of birth as this sets you up to feel like you have failed if plans have to change.

Your goal should be to have a birth that is safe for you and little one. What that looks like will be different depending on the individual circumstances of each women in that particular pregnancy.

cansu · 15/12/2021 20:41

I think you need to focus on your baby arriving safely in whatever way that might be. I know it is not always the experience we would like. My first was fairly horrendous hospital birth. My second was much better hospital birth. Me and midwife with minimal intervention. It will be what it will be. I deliberately had no plans other than to avoid an epidural if possible. But I knew that what happened really wasn't in my control. Things happen. We are lucky to have medical interventions that could save us and our babies. I think you should also be aware that services are and will continue to be v stretched.

user38764345 · 15/12/2021 20:42

My first birth completely changed when my water broke, it became urgent and high risk due to Meconium.
I was then given the drugs to speed it along and closely monitored.
It was still amazing and I actually wouldn't change my experience at all.

newyearsresolurion · 15/12/2021 20:48

I'd listen to their professional advices as it for the safety of you and your baby. Many births don't go according to plan due to other factors

Moon12345 · 15/12/2021 20:52

I had a homebirth with my first baby a few months ago - 9lbs 6, no stitches and I also had a physiological third stage (no injection for placenta so it comes naturally and often more bloody). My birth was incredible. I think you should have the right to feel empowered to make decisions that are right for you and baby. I really detest the idea that homebirth is a lot less safe. My baby actually needed a fair amount of support about 3 hours after he was born - I believe he would have got a lot more poorly if I’d had him in hospital as his signs of distress so were subtle, it was only because a midwife was still with me 3 hours later that she noticed. If I’d been turfed onto a ward I think he’d have been left to decline for a lot longer.

mayblossominapril · 15/12/2021 20:54

My first birth was a planned homebirth. I did a fair bit of labouring in hospital and then had an emcs because he was too big to exit. That wasn’t a great birth
So for my second it was a planned cs. But I went into labour a few days before my preop and when I should have been having my pre op I was pushing a baby out.
Being hooked up to the monitors was fine second time, first time it was awful.
As others have said you can always ask for a cs.

passionfruitpizza · 15/12/2021 20:57

If you're on Facebook Homebirth support Uk is a brilliant group for people wanting a homebirth.
www.facebook.com/groups/homebirthsupportuk/?ref=share
Look at resources like midwife Sara Wickham's website and Evidence based birth to help with decision making. If you're on Instagram Kemi Birthjoy Johnson is a brilliant midwife to follow too, very informative.

LimpLettice · 15/12/2021 20:58

I ended up with an induction with my third due to GD despite arguing myself silly about it. No MLU, a night alone before hand on the ward, and not actually a very nice birth. DH was kicked out half an hour after birth, having only been let in once Labour was fully established due to lockdown. I did end up staying overnight, despite having made such a fuss not to (awful night with DD, insisted on 6hr discharge with DS1) because he arrived just before midnight. It was all fine though. Over night was quieter than usual. I went home fairly early that morning and they were fine with that.

Took me a few days to come to terms with what I needed to do but the thing is a birth plan is only a guideline. It's meant to be empowering but often causes more harm when mums try to stick rigidly to them. Flexibility is key because your baby hasn't read the plan. Don't think yourself into a tizz. If an induction is recommended, maybe adjust the plan so you have contingencies? A better overnight kit, or pay for a private room? Agree a timeframe for discharge. Organise earplugs, sleep mask, amazing snacks, comfy sleep clothes? I took all of that, and it did help.

BrilliantBetty · 15/12/2021 21:04

I always thought it was pretty important not to get an idea too firmly set in my mind when it comes to pregnancy/ labour / newborn / early years.
Things rarely go exactly to plan and we must adapt and often go with what is suggested by a professional.

Birth plan is just a very loose wish list. They should rename it 'ideal but unlikely scenario plan'.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 15/12/2021 21:10

I had a homebirth with DS. He arrived at 38 weeks and was 9lb 9oz. The birth went blissfully. This was 15years ago and the rules may have changed but if you feel strongly can you ask for another opinion?

Original poster

PollyBlue6 · 15/12/2021 21:13

Thank you all so much for your birthday stories and advice.

I'm 100% having him at the hospital, no doubt about that. It's safer for us both.
I just feel like I need to mourn the birth I thought I was going to have.

I posted on another thread and it seems there's lots of things I can ask for which I didn't know about including the MH team, taking comfort items in to make it less 'hospital', intermittent monitoring if there was a pool available and I didn't know I could ask to be discharged after 6 hours (obviously if everything is straightforward!) I'm due 23rd and I'd like to get home ASAP (again, aslong as everything goes smoothly)

I'm going to ring my midwife tomorrow and explain everything that happened today along with my list of question.

Thank you all again, you've made me feel much better

OP posts:

Weatherwax13 · 15/12/2021 21:28

I feel for you. One of my planned home births didn't happen as there was a blizzard and nobody would come out, so although I was pissed off, at least I wasn't weighing up advice like you are.
You could do some research and ask for a second opinion.
Chances are, if you go into hospital, everything will be textbook straightforward but I do think if there was a problem, you'll be so glad you're there and not at home waiting for an ambulance.
I totally get how you feel. My first birth was a hospital nightmare. And I was lucky that all my subsequent pregnancies were so low risk and in those days you could get a home birth in those circumstances - although christ, they bitched about it and I had to be assert myself.
But I promise you that as your child grows, it's birth becomes less and less important in your mind. It feels all consuming now.
If it's not too late, could you look into a doula? I haven't used one but I've heard positive stories of having that reassuring presence advocating for you.

LeesaBeesa04 · 19/12/2021 05:47

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

DropYourSword · 19/12/2021 05:52

Where I work there is nothing that you’ve so far mentioned that would exclude you from having a waterbirth - and we have a fairly strict criteria.
Is it just that the hospital doesn’t have a pool, or are they specifically saying you don’t meet their inclusion criteria. I’d be asking a little more about that.

(I really wanted a pool birth. Couldn’t have one in the end because my waters had broken and there was meconium. I had an epidural. I had a great birth experience. Don’t necessarily think because things might not go the way you planned that you won’t still have a positive experience)

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