Struggling with guilt and a tough decision 🥺💔

[HealingHoney]

I am pregnant by my narcissistic ex and the trauma and disrespect that I’ve endured while being in a relationship with him are preventing me from telling him I’m pregnant. I am currently in therapy because of all of the abuse (mental, emotional, verbal, some physical) that I experienced. His narcissistic personality disorder will not allow him to be the partner or father he should be to our child. Despite what we go through, I know I will provide a safe environment for my child but being tied to a narcissist co-parent for the rest of my life seems like never ending trauma. I’ve recently gone no contact so we haven’t spoken about the pregnancy. I suffer from PTSD 😢. I don’t want my life to be miserable with him in it. I want to tell him that I found out I was pregnant but have recently suffered a miscarriage. I feel AWFUL for lying but I know if I were to tell him that I’m aborting the baby he’d verbally attack me and call me a “baby killer” or say that I’m selfish despite the abuse he is oblivious to. One day he’ll probably say he understands my decision to abort and then the next he will attack me and belittle me for my choice. Narcissists are very hurtful and double minded. He already has 2 children by 2 different women and in my opinion, his children get the short end of the stick. He’s a selfish father. Myself and my child will never get the loving treatment required of him. At this point, I am convinced that telling him I had a miscarriage is the best decision for me. Or should I not mention anything at all?? PLEASE HELP! 💔

I'll probably get flamed for this.... but..... if you decide to terminate the pregnancy, why do you have to tell him?

I wouldn’t tell him anything whatever you decide
He sounds toxic and destructive

I would never have a child with this individual. That poor child.

Say nothing and move away. Block all contact last and mutual friends.

If you are aborting the embryo then there is no need to tell him you are ever pregnant.

I’m sorry that he’s done such a number on you that you’re even doubting that it’s as simple as that.

Keep quiet either way. Get things in place to keep yourself safe.

I agree if you're having an abortion, there's no need to speak to him at all.

I simply wouldn't tell him anything.
He is an ex, it is your body and your decision.
It is not his business.

Whether you have the baby or not, don’t say anything to him

Don't tell him and cut all contact. It is completely your choice.

I would not say anything to him either decision you make.

I'd moving away, not telling him and keeping your baby an option?

Sending hugs that's a hard place to be in, in your gut you will know what's right for you.
I would though not be having any contact with him If you're aborting, there really is no need for him to know anything about the pregnancy or your life going forwards. You've no responsibility to let him know anything more about you.

I'd loose him from my life completely. Have you done the freedom program?

I'm sure your therapist will have much more helpful things to say than me but I wonder if the feeling that you should tell him about the pregnancy comes from the narcissistic abuse you've experienced. I have narcissistic family members and have had to really work so hard to set boundaries but I relate to that feeling that you 'should' do something and the guilt that comes from not doing it. I found this particularly came after I cut them out my life and I felt so much guilt despite them being really damaging toxic people

Like others in the thread have said it is your decision and you don't need to tell him as you have gone no contact and are working to recover from your trauma. Telling him risks sucking you back into the cycle and you need to put yourself and your safety first. Congratulations for getting out and getting help. I hope that you continue to heal x

Don't tell him. And don't feel guilty about it. Sending hugs, OP

I don't think OP is saying she's going to abort, I think she's going to tell him she miscarried, but in actual fact she's keeping the baby, is that right OP?

I support this decision, others might not.

@UndeadSlut

I don't think OP is saying she's going to abort, I think she's going to tell him she miscarried, but in actual fact she's keeping the baby, is that right OP?

I support this decision, others might not.

@UndeadSlut I want to tell him that I found out I was pregnant but have recently suffered a miscarriage. I feel AWFUL for lying but I know if I were to tell him that I’m aborting the baby he’d verbally attack me and call me a “baby killer” or say that I’m selfish despite the abuse he is oblivious to.

See above, I think OP intention is abort.

If I was in your position I probably wouldn’t mention anything about ever having been pregnant, it seems like unnecessary information to give him which he may use against you in future.
Your decision to abort is entirely yours to make, it’s your body after all. Nobody needs to know if you don’t want them too and nobody’s opinion counts but yours.

. Despite what we go through, I know I will provide a safe environment for my child

Why is this not possible then?? Move away and do just that, tell him nothing.
I think, I’d do that.