Family being over bearing.. should I say something?

[FirstTimeMum6666]

Hi I'll try to keep it short

This is my first baby having a dd.. I'm really close with family but they are starting to be over bearing.
This is my mum's first grandchild and sisters first niece so inunderstand the excitement like I am as its my first and only child due to horrendous pregnancy.
I just feel like when she is born they are going to take over. They just constantly looking at clothes etc for her which is the part I'm excited about, dsis is trying to dress her like she would if she had a child.. they keep saying our baby our baby our baby.. I know dsis will just use her as photo prop for social media and I heard her on abitngetting matching outfits!!! :( and also said they will her swimming and go on spa days like wtf. I said erm I will take my daughter to a spa if I want too and they just said yes you can come too!! Constantly on about getting a new camera to take photos etc NO I will take photos!!
I don't what to do or say.. shall I just grin a bear it or say something as I have never fell out with them before so I am worried

Thank you

I would point out she’s a real person, not some doll to dress up. She might not even like spa days!

Just don’t let her. She’s not a toy. Tell your family you don’t want pictures of her on social media maybe? Also, be wary of how you announce the birth as your sister may well announce on Fb before you’ve got the chance to! You need to nip this in the bud, this is your baby and it’s gone beyond normal excitement.

Just explain how you're feeling in as nice a way as possible. A lot of it sounds like the happy excitement that you'd expect from close family members (like looking at clothes and taking photos) and I'm sure they'll be lovely family members for your daughter.

That said, some of it is overboard like matching outfits! That's just weird if it's not your own child. You can tell them to stop planning on places they'll take her as it's too early to discuss any of that and of course you're feeling protective. And tell them you don't want pictures of her on social media other than the ones you decide to share. They should be able to respect these simple asks.

I'm sure they'll understand the boundaries better when your baby is born. They won't just turn up and take her (you won't let them!)

Thank you both for your advice.

I hate any type of confrontation but will defo try and say something nicely.
Yes the matching outfits is weird and really annoyed me I should be the only one to do this if I do.
I also am not a fan to go on holiday to hot places and they said they will take her abroad without me :( and that I should also keep her weathered as my sis loves the sun and always tanned which is my mum saying aswell.
With the swimming they was on about giving her lessons instead of me because I'm body conscious. But when dd is born I was planning on getting into shape so I can do everything with her.
It's just so annoying that I even have to say anything.

Hey OP. I have kinda been in your situation 13 years ago with my first daughter, except it wasn't my sisters & mother, it was my then in-laws. It was overwhelming and very annoying.

Anywho, as hard as it is, just sit them down and say look, i know you both mean well and are excited to be a part of my daughters life but please could you both tone it down a little as she is my daughter and i would like to plan her life and do all of those things with her as a mother and daughter, and when we're both ready you two will be able to do things with her, but at the moment please let me enjoy my daughter.

If they takw that funny then thats on them, she is your child not theirs. Good luck. Xx

It's your baby. You tell them what is and isn't allowed. Don't feel guilty, you don't owe it to them to give in to them - I know it's hard because they're just excited (which is lovely) but remember that it is okay to have boundaries.

My mother is being the same. Keeps telling me all the places she's going to take her Granddaughter. And, if the way she treats my dog is anything to go by, my poor child will have no privacy on social media - there will be a photo uploaded every 20 seconds she's with her. It's lovely but husband and I are going to have a chat with her soon about our boundaries. I'm making sure it's both of us saying it, so that she understands that we're serious about not using her as a photo op/ treating her as though she's her baby, without asking if things are okay.

Do you have a husband or partner around? How does he feel about this?
Do you live with them? If not I would strongly suggest tightly limiting the time they spend with your upcoming baby at your house.
Buy a sling and use it when you’re around them.
As for stupid ideas like spa days and holidays without you….smile and nod. No other response, or you could develop a tinkly laugh and say “oh I really don’t think so”.

You need to toughen up and fight them on all of their insanity,