How common is it for partners to freak out at a planned pregnancy?

[Moancup]

Trying to reassure myself.

Entirely depends on the level of the freak out I guess!

I think it can be pretty normal to actively be trying for something but still freak out a little when it becomes a reality.

I think for men it can be hard to accept the reality, even if they knew what they were getting into. I was severely overweight with a friend who took 8 years to get pregnant and another friend who’d been trying for 2.5 years. Needless to say when I told him I was pregnant on the third month he was in shock

Even more so with our second when I fell in our second month.

It’s not the worst freak out in the world, but very much trying to reassure himself it will be OK. I’ve not seen anything approaching excitement.

He didn’t think it would happen this quickly apparently.

Completely normal - until it happens its a hypothetical situation, that suddenly becomes real with all of the upsides and the downsides … of which the latter become quite weighty! I am pregnant with a planned dc2, and when I found out I was pregnant I was very very uncertain about how much I wanted it for a good 2 months because the realities of needing to pay for two children for the rest of my life were heavy on my mind! Am now nearly at the end of the pregnancy and completely looking forward to the arrival of my second baby!

We tried for 9 months for DD1 but nevertheless when I actually got pregnant my husband had a week of utterly freaking out. Had all the tyres on the car changed, panic brought a new sofa and generally acted like a headless chicken, very out of character. He calmed down pretty quickly and is a lovely father. No such freak out with DD2.

we were doing IVF when i got pregnant naturally. We had been told not to even try naturally as my husband had cancer as a child and his sperm count was so low we only had a couple of percent chance of ever conceiving naturally.....so when we did my husband walked around like a zombie for about two weeks. Then he freaked out and insisted on scans every five minutes as he was convinced something was wrong due to his poor sperm

I am now 33 weeks and he is so so excited

I freaked out myself when I was pregnant, with both kids.

They're now 5 and 1 and I'm still not ready

My husband fell almost completely silent for a week when I told him I was pregnant with DC1. Hadn’t happened with any of my pregnancies since. Shame really, it was bliss!

I should imagine it's quite common. I had a planned pregnancy (health checks first and everything, a major novelty in the 1980s) and I was the one who freaked out. Phew, I see I wasn't alone!

My DP who has always wanted kids reacted like he would if an acquaintance told him their news, I'm surprised he didn't try to shake my hand! He just said "that's great news, congratulations" hugged me very briefly then sat back down and watched the tv. He never really spoke much for a few days after either which was really unusual as normally he just never shuts up. It turns out he was really anxious about becoming a dad and opened up a week later and his excitement set in, but by then i was the one freaking out... I'm currently 23 weeks and when i look back to that time i honestly think wtf

Ours happened very quickly, second month of trying,

Although we both knew we could end up pregnant and it’s been very much discussed if we’re ready, we both definitely had an ‘oh, shit, are we adult enough for this’ bearing in mind we’re both 31, married, very much want a family.

I think it’s the realisation that we’re entering the next stage of our lives and we are indeed married adults, who want a family etc.

Now, we’re both super excited. Although, I’m trying to keep the excitement at a reasonable level because first trimester is scary, DH is over the moon and wishing time away, wants to plan a holiday with our other friends who have kids for next year etc 🙄.

I would say once it settles in, you’ll definitely feel more ready 😊

@DeclareThePenniesOnYourEyes

We tried for 9 months for DD1 but nevertheless when I actually got pregnant my husband had a week of utterly freaking out. Had all the tyres on the car changed, panic brought a new sofa and generally acted like a headless chicken, very out of character. He calmed down pretty quickly and is a lovely father. No such freak out with DD2.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This made me laugh.

Mine walked around saying ridiculous things like- the house is never going to be finished in time, and all this needs clearing off (wafting at all the crap left on the kitchen table). 🤷‍♀️ 🤣 Bearing in mind we'd been trying 2 years and it was ivf. So hardly unplanned. 🙄😆 Men.

We were actively ttc and it still seemed like the concept of having a baby of our own to look after was a very new development to my husband.
To be fair, DH was excited, but tbh also a leeetle bit like I'd just come home from work and said "surprise! I've just adopted this gorgeous Great Dane puppy!".

@paintfairy my husband was the same! Went into overdrive about all the things we need to do on the house (it's a doer upper).

I think it is completely normal for them to freak out a bit. To be honest I did too! We were really lucky and it happened sooner than we expected so there are moments of us both going 'omg we are going to be parents how is that possible'. So similar to you @Firsttimetrier!

My husband hasn't got a lot of experience with babies apart from our god daughter so we've been spending a lot more time with her so he can get used to having babies around! He was playing with her the other day and kept checking with me and her mum that he was 'doing it right' she was having a great time because he was someone different to play with!

My DP is excellent with other people’s kids (and will often tell me that I’m not doing it right) but the idea of one that doesn’t come with the option to hand back may be a bit much for him right now.

Well DP and I are now taking it in turns to see who can freak out the most. I’ve even suggested that we should consider terminating. I don’t think I really mean that but this rollercoaster of anxiety is not fun.

You’ve said this was a planned, so presumably wanted, baby.
What’s freaking you out at it so much that you’re now talking about termination.
Sometimes I find if I really work out the specific details of a worry you can work through them logically

I’ve booked an appointment with my therapist to try and go through exactly that. Some of its quite big, some of it is really practical. I actually think the practical is more surmountable than the “oh god, what if I’m a terrible, cold mother and hate every second.”