Never had a contraction

[Notthissticky]

I have two beautiful sons. Both were born by ELCS because they weren't head-down. Both were poorly after birth and it took me several weeks to properly bond with them.
I have never experienced a single contraction and I just feel like I have missed out on something major. I can't help but feel like I've failed. I can't even think calmly about whether I'd like a third, as the issue of wanting a vaginal delivery or at least a trial of labour dominates everything. I literally think about it multiple times per day and I think this is something I will feel upset/ disappointed about for the rest of my life. I know plenty of women who have had sections for all their deliveries, but none who never went into labour.

What I meant to ask is whether anyone else is in the same situation and how you feel about it?

As a someone who was terrified of natural labour and having medical reasons for a c-section I ended up going into natural labour literally just over a day before my scheduled c-section. Such was my luck! It was horrible experience for me! So f*ing painful! I never in a million years considered natural birth! I was reassured multiple times that if I go into spontaneous labour, to turn up to hospital ASAP and they will do c-section. Low and behold, my waters broke, so I took a shower, got dressed and off we went to hospital. It was nearly 11pm when we got there and I couldn't believe when they said that there isn't enough surgeons and I will have to wait till 8.00am for the next shift to arrive! I was in so much pain! I kept on begging for someone to do something but was told that I am not classed as emergency and whoever promised me c-section, apparently mislead me . I was being encouraged to try natural labour multiple times but since I insisted on c-section I was just left to my own devices for hours without anyone even asking how I am! Only once someone checked how dilated I am only because I complained and let me tell you, having someone shove their entire hand down there was not pleasant! I was operated on only around 11.00am so pretty much 12 hours after arrival, when my contractions were already every 3-4 minutes All I can say is kudos to all the ladies who give birth the natural way! It was horrible experience for me and so upsetting both for me and my partner that the little one will most likely be our only one. The moment c-section started was the best moment ever! It didn't go without its problems, simply due to the fact that I was very tired and dehydrated cause you shouldn't eat or drink before the surgery and I didn't know when that would happen, but it was the best thing ever! So calm, controlled, relaxing and reassuring! Count yourself lucky that you had 2 c-sections and have 2 gorgeous babies! No one gets badge of bravery for going through natural labour and I for one would never want to go through that again!

I had 12 hours of contractions with my first labour but only got to 4cm dilated before needing an EMCS, second time around I had an ELCS as baby was transverse and had no contractions.

It felt a bit weird having a baby appear after no labour with #2, I think it's because we all know what "should" happen before/during/after birth but really we need to focus on the fact that the baby has been born.

I had an emergency section and next time I'll skip the labour and go straight for an ELCS. It was shit.

However you could have a hundred posters here telling you that it was crap and you're not missing out on much, and it still wouldn't make you feel any better. Because you don't want to hear it's shit, you wanted to go experience it and find out for yourself. That is completely normal. The image of birth that's portrayed to us in film, tv, books etc is the woman panting with a sweaty brow, squeezing her partner's hand and being told she's doing amazingly, before an unrealistically clean baby is put on her chest. You don't see fictional characters being told "baby is breech so we'll schedule you for a section and spin you down to surgery". But for a huge number of women that is what happens, (and I know a few)- just doesn't make for great telly! That all impacts our expectations- especially if, like me, none of the other women in your immediate family have needed a section.

Even with my section I felt my body had "failed" me, with its failure to progress. Do you feel the same? Thankfully for me that resided with time, but I can easily see how your situation means it's been harder to reconcile. Could you think about discussing your feelings with a counsellor? As a starting point I think you need to start changing your internal narrative to "I made the right choice at the right time for each of my births", and congratulate yourself for that. Birth is like a roll of the dice in so many ways, and you can only play the cards you're dealt. There's absolutely no point in berating yourself

I don’t know if this helps but just wanted to say, you have two DC who are safely here because you made the decision which was best and safest for them, and yourself. I understand where you’re coming from, being pregnant with my first and hoping for a natural birth, but going for whatever will give both the baby and mother the best overall outcome is always what is most important and you should be very proud of yourself because of that. The alternative could have had a very different and awful outcome.