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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

C section due to miscarriage and stillbirth anxiety- likely to happen?

21 replies

Suprima · 12/12/2021 17:24

I am only coming out of my first trimester but struggling hugely with miscarriage anxiety. This is my fourth pregnancy but I have no children.

I have been back and forth to my GP who just keeps telling me that my feelings of anxiety after loss are normal. I have received counselling privately and this has been of no help or comfort, no matter what therapist I worked with. I have also found the HCP I have encountered to be overly jovial and ‘it will be different this time, my love’ which makes me fume even though they are trying to be kind.

I suffer with intrusive thoughts daily. I constantly think my baby is dead. I can’t be around pregnant women as I am worried my baby will be the one that dies. I am having scans weekly. My partner is being supportive but I know he is worried and sad about my mental state. I have dreams and ‘trances’ where I imagine the different ways I could miscarry. I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. I am underperforming at work because these thoughts are exhausting and it’s all I think about.

If I do make it into the third trimester and they are ‘cooked’ and healthy by my due date or a viable time before, will I have much luck on the NHS trying to get an elective caesarean so I can stop being pregnant quicker? Would a private hospital agree to do this if NHS won’t?

The only thing that is going to make me feel better is having my baby and knowing they haven’t died in me.

I should feel so happy but my days are just full of dread. I have no time for friends or hobbies, just crippling fear which never leaves me. I’m not well at the moment at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Suprima · 12/12/2021 17:26

People will say it will be better when I feel movements but I know I will just track those obsessively and freak out if they are slightly different

OP posts:

FelicityBob · 12/12/2021 17:29

You need to see your Gp and ask your midwife to refer you to the perinatal mental health team. An elective section isn’t the answer to this

Original poster

Suprima · 12/12/2021 17:31

@FelicityBob

You need to see your Gp and ask your midwife to refer you to the perinatal mental health team. An elective section isn’t the answer to this

I have already been referred

No one has contacted me

They know how ill I am. I told them all this in my booking appointment

OP posts:

Porthia · 12/12/2021 17:36

Oh OP. I am so sorry. That sounds incredibly tough and it isn’t surprising that you are feeling so anxious. I also had a lot of anxiety in pregnancy although not to this degree, but I can relate.

Please do reach out to pandasfoundation.org.uk/ who might be able to help support you. Also Tommy’s have a lot of support available for parents pregnant again after loss.

My heart really goes out to you and I believe that yes, you can have an elective c section for psychological reasons if needed, you would just need to discuss with your midwife / consultant.

Porthia · 12/12/2021 17:41

I also meant to say that I hope everything goes well and you will soon be holding your baby in your arms.

I can highly recommend hypnobirthing to help with anxiety - you can even use it during a c section but I personally found it invaluable in the run up to the birth.

Porthia · 12/12/2021 17:42

I did Katharine Graves course but there are others. The fear release exercise I found very helpful in particular.

WakeUpLockie · 12/12/2021 17:43

Yup! Maternal choice is reason enough I’m pretty sure (around here at least). I went into my booking appointment with my second and requested a c section and was told no problem. Same this time around. Mental health (anxiety) is a reason too, so hopefully will work out for you.

mayblossominapril · 12/12/2021 17:43

You need to push for more help. I think it’s normal to feel a bit anxious but not this much.
You can ask for a cs. You could also ask for continual monitoring during labour. I was monitored constantly during my second labour because my first was a cs and it was reassuring to be able to see and hear she was fine throughout the labour.
The newborn stage can be anxiety inducing so definitely try to get some help so it’s more manageable because it might not go away when you’ve newborn in your arms.

SwanShaped · 12/12/2021 17:44

I had a lot of anxiety too and didn’t feel there was a way to not go into those intrusive thoughts. I tried to stop the day dreams though and not go into them too far. I think your idea of an elective section is a good one, unlike PP. You could ask for one at 38/9 weeks maybe. Hopefully the weekly scans will continue?

Original poster

Suprima · 12/12/2021 17:50

Thank you everyone I will call my GP and the midwives again. I will looking into hypnobirthing

I’m not scared of giving birth, I’m just don’t want to feel like this any longer than necessary. It’s draining. I wish I could be so happy. I’m so jealous to the point of anger of people who are having relaxed pregnancies. I have tried to think of names and buy tiny things that can be got rid of easily and cheaply but it doesn’t help. I have a panic attack at every scan because I think they will tell me there is no heartbeat. If they can be born safely without my awful body failing again at 36 weeks or a little before, it’s better than them being exposed to my stress hormones and giving birth in an uncontrolled environment.

OP posts:

SwanShaped · 12/12/2021 17:54

Do the doctors know why your other baby died at 36 weeks? As in, would they recommend an early c section anyway? Please don’t answer if it’s too upsetting for you. I’m so sorry for your losses.

Original poster

Suprima · 12/12/2021 17:55

@SwanShaped

Do the doctors know why your other baby died at 36 weeks? As in, would they recommend an early c section anyway? Please don’t answer if it’s too upsetting for you. I’m so sorry for your losses.

My baby didn’t die at 36 weeks- I don’t know where your reading this

I have had 3 1st trem losses

OP posts:

Original poster

Suprima · 12/12/2021 17:56

@SwanShaped

Do the doctors know why your other baby died at 36 weeks? As in, would they recommend an early c section anyway? Please don’t answer if it’s too upsetting for you. I’m so sorry for your losses.

By failing again- I meant losing another baby

OP posts:

revea · 12/12/2021 17:56

Everyone is entitled to a c-section, if the consultant doesn't want to sign off on one you can be referred to someone else who can.
I also have a friend who was induced at 37 weeks following a stillbirth purely due to her (understandable) anxiety. A c section they normally like to wait until 39 weeks unless there's a medical need beforehand.
It would be better to see someone about your anxiety to work through your thoughts and feelings because that will set you up better for once baby is here. If you are going private in my opinion it would be better to pay for therapy rather than the c section.

I'm sorry for your losses.

SwanShaped · 12/12/2021 17:57

Oh sorry, I misunderstood your post about your body failing again at 36 weeks. My apologies.

Porthia · 12/12/2021 18:48

@Suprima

Thank you everyone I will call my GP and the midwives again. I will looking into hypnobirthing

For me hypnobirthing helped when I was spiralling during pregnancy with anxiety. I was terrified of something going wrong and stillbirth in particular. Sadly there isn’t much you can do other than obviously keep an eye on movements and generally look after yourself. I found hypnobirthing gave me something proactive I could do to help me calm down and reduce the panic / fear.

It did also help with the birth but it was during pregnancy itself I found the most benefit.

Treesuphooray · 12/12/2021 18:49

I was very anxious when pregnant with my daughter. I had two early losses and just could nt believe I would get to go home with a baby. She’s 3.5 years now.
I couldn’t stand anyone to mention pregnancy or my baby too me, I spent every waking moment in a breathless panic waiting for the next movement or twinge. It was 9 months of being literally on edge. She was absolutely fine.

Looking back that anxiety served no purpose. It didn’t stop anything happening to her or me, it just made me have 9 months of hell.

These thoughts that you are having aren’t helpful. Have you been offered talking therapies to try to look at ways to manage and reduce the thoughts?

I’m pregnant again now and have been pretty relaxed in comparison. I know now that there’s nothing I can do to change the outcome. The likelihood is that baby will be fine but worrying about it won’t make it so.

Porthia · 12/12/2021 18:50

Do also ring Pandas - they are perinatal mental health experts and the helpline is open until 10pm I believe!

Jojobees · 12/12/2021 18:53

I am so sorry for your losses. I really hope the perinatal mental health team can help you.
I just wanted to add that no where will do a preterm c section for maternal choice.
38 weeks is the earliest they will do it for those reasons.

LividLaVidaLoca · 12/12/2021 18:56

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.

I was very, very similar after three traumatic losses. I basically demanded induction at about 39 weeks (I’m old and had other risk factors so didn’t have to push too hard) and when that didn’t work, refused drip and asked for a section.

Baby born healthy and amazing on his due date by section. He’s 20 months now, exhausting and a miracle. Just to prepare you, though the intrusive thoughts and sheer terror eased, they never fully went away (esp since I literally had mine into an unfolding pandemic).

I am still overly anxious and can’t quite ever believe he’s mine and he’s staying.

TLDR: yes, maternal request is enough though you should push for more support.

Starlive23 · 12/12/2021 20:58

I hope you are able to get the outcome you want OP but just to warn you, I had a c section in April due to a previous emergency c section and they took me in at 40 weeks exactly to the day, not a moment earlier (it was due to an Easter Bank holiday) but that my waters broke that day anyway so it might not be as much for being pregnant less time.

I was so bad with anxiety during my first successful pregnancy and I've no advice, I was like it all the way through. All I can say is I went on to have another baby and that pregnancy wasn't nearly as anxious. Reading your post really brought it back, and it was 4 years ago now but feels like no time at all. I sincerely hope you get some counselling, get the c section and any help you can. When you get movements the count the kicks app is brilliant, and never feel bad for going into hospital if you feel something is wrong. I might as well have been paying rent the amount of time I spent there but they were lovely and understanding and never made me feel silly.

Good luck OP, and I really do wish you all the best. It will be hard but so worth it.

Also, please, if you haven't, get a referral to see if you have OCD. I was diagnosed about a year after DC1 and it explained a lot.

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