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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

need some moral support!!!!

17 replies

missvicki · 18/12/2007 16:53

Hi all,

I'm a large lady having my first baby, am terrified to go to local hospital (derriford Plymouth) as have had friends and family give birth there who haven't had very good experiences, i.e birth planns not being followed and general attitude to people not the norm to which i have already experienced in the early pregnancy unit.

I'm not allowed a home birth due to issues over monitoring the baby during labour, so my next line was to request to be sent to a local birthing center in Oakhamptom. However just had a call from midwife and they won't accept me because they also deem me high risk for monitoring baby. I really don't want to go to hospital and now i don't know what to do? Should i just push for a home birth and blow the risks? but then if something does go wrong i'm about an hour away from the nearest hospital in either direction!

Midwife has suggested a referal to exter hospital which again is about an hour away but it would then make things awkard for my birthing partners, my boyfriend who works in Plymouth and my mum who lives about 40 min away in the opposite direction to exter.

Help please!!!!!!

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camillathechicken · 18/12/2007 16:56

not allowed a home birth !! ooooh, red rag to a bull..

have you looked at www.aims.org.ul and www.homebirth.org.uk for advice and tips on when you are refused a home birth?

there are also some excellent pro forma letters you can send to the head of midwifery

Original poster

missvicki · 18/12/2007 17:10

Thanks for those web sites, but how do i argue with my midwife when her argument does make sense and it was even proven today. She tried to find babies heart beat with a dobbler and couldn't and when she did she struggled to hear it correctly!

I would love a home birth, but i also want a healthy baby, christ now i feel like a bad person for getting pregnant while being fat!

OP posts:

goingfor3christmaspuddings · 18/12/2007 17:12

missvicki bit of a rude question but how big are you? I'm also big and had very easy labours, my size wasn't an issue.

camillathechicken · 18/12/2007 17:13

how many weeks pregnant are you>

Original poster

missvicki · 18/12/2007 17:18

i'm 20+4 weeks pregnant and a dress size 24/26, the pregnancy wasn't planned and i was trying to lose weight before i found out.

OP posts:

Original poster

missvicki · 18/12/2007 17:19

but as posted in a previous thread this am i'm doing really well on not gaining any more weight and i am doing everything they've asked so far!

OP posts:

camillathechicken · 18/12/2007 17:35

finding the foetal heart can be trickier when you do have some extra padding, and also the position of the baby and how many weeks you are......

Janus · 18/12/2007 19:02

Missvicki, I was a Plymouth lass too and have actually only heard good things about Derriford from my friends who still live there. I too have always had birth plans and my first had to go out the window as I progressed much too quickly for waterbirth and then she got stuck and had a scary emergency c-section (in london). However, I am very sure if things had been 'normal' they would have followed my birth plan but sometimes babies have other ideas! I really believe most midwives would very much want to follow your wishes but sometime reality is different, eg people want no pain relief until they are in labour and then often want lots! I would look at Derriford yourself and form your own opinion. Then get partner to back you up on any birth plan issues you have and you can be a united front. Consider doing an 'active birth' course (assume they have them down there) which definitely makes you much more confident in giving birth and more aware of any problems that may arise and what they actually mean and what you can do, rather than just relying on midwife's advice. Finally (sorry to ramble!), if you can afford it, consider hiring a doula who will come to the birth with you and she will very much see that you get what you want, provided there are no complications. I've heard they are fantastic and will do so much more to avoid c-sections, etc.
Good luck!

minspugs · 18/12/2007 19:06

i had a lovely hospital birth with my dd2 and its definitly worth having someone like a doula to support you. have a look around the different hospitals before you make your mind up.

levan · 18/12/2007 19:53

Would Torbay hospital be near enough for you? They have a good reputation and I had a good experience there.

AmersG · 18/12/2007 20:35

I'm a patient of Wonford (Exeter) but so far my experience of them is only through the late loss of my first baby where I felt the staff were dismissing me when I needed help and the fact they lost my emergency referral for this pregnancy! My consultant is fantastic and they do have a brand new Womens Centre opened there though. You will probably hear good and bad stories for most hospitals i'd have thought. Hope you get something sorted!!

yellowbean · 18/12/2007 21:18

there are always good and bad stories for all hospitals. at the end of the day your aim is to deliver a healthy baby and you should listen to the advice of the midwives. unless you think they are talking total rubbish i would be cautious and have babe in hospital.. you are too far away from them to get there in an emergency, is it really worth the risk? i know some people are really keen on home births but if there are medical concerns i would take them seriously. i had 2 sections, so hospital both times. both births were amazing, wonderful experiences that i wouldnt swop for anything. aim for a homebirth next time when you've lost the weight you want to. hope all goes well for ou and baby xx

Original poster

missvicki · 18/12/2007 22:17

Thanks for all your advice, have had a good cry and a long chat with partner tonight. We are going to go and look around derriford unit hopefully at the weekend, but am still scared and will definatly be requesting a new consultant if i go, (he's the one thats put the fear of god in me over c-sections, as having a c-section is what i fear most as derrifords rep for infection is not good). But will try and go with an open mind!!

Although have kind of resigned myself that i haven't got alot of choice, and a healthy baby is all thats important!

OP posts:

Janus · 19/12/2007 12:31

missvicki, if you really want to avoid a c-section I would also really consider joining an active birth class. As I mentioned, my first was emergency c-section and I wanted to avoid a c-section if I could for my second as I didn't have enough help around for coping with newborn and toddler and being 'laid up' for 6 weeks. I truly believe if I hadn't done the course again for my second I would have had a c-section, consultants were pushing for it but agreed to let me 'test the scar'. I was confident in my body, not scared of the pain (and believe me, I am a wuss!!), totally focused on breathing, etc. I ended up having a natural birth with no pain relief and felt fantastically proud of myself that we got there. Do as much as you can beforehand to prepare yourself and it may just make the difference. However, if it goes to c-section you know you did all you could. I have never regretted the first being c-section, it literally saved her life, that is what it is there for, please don't worry.

dal21 · 19/12/2007 12:49

I dont really think I can add anything else to what other posters have written. But I would tend to agree with yellowbean. Unless you think her advice was totally misguided, I would pay attention to the medical risks involved with having a home birth. If you need to have more support and guidance, insist you talk to another consultant.

You do seem very nervous about the potential scenarios around your labour (as did I, dont we all?). I did a hypnobirthing course which totally prepared me to think positively about my impending labour. Then ended up with an elective cs due to medical reasons - which was fantastic too!

Please dont worry - I am sure all will be fine.

Original poster

missvicki · 19/12/2007 15:15

I think i'm worried because every professional i see seems to have an oppinion on the risks of pregnancy and labour at my size!!

They all seem to want to treat before anything has happened, and i don't want that at all. I want to be given the chance to have a natural birth, granted i agree it would be too risky at home thats why i asked for a birthing center. If the doctors i have seen weren't so pesimistic over the risks and less keen to opt for c-section then maybe i would feel a bit more relaxed. I just want to have a natural birth with as little intervention as possible well atleast given the chance to have that as if things do go wrong i will accept the help.

OP posts:

camillathechicken · 19/12/2007 15:22

missviki... have you spoken to or contacted AIMS?

consultants will vary in their opinions,as will MWs.

not every overweight woman will have a disastrous pregnancy, labour and birth . some will. so will some slender women.

even if you do have to have your baby in an obstetric led unit, you can have a doula for support, you can choose to refuse some or all intervention such as CFM , as long as you are making an informed choice and know the risks and benefits.

it is possible to have an active birth in an obstetric unit, you might need to make more of a fuss!!

also, one thing you can do,if you feel comfortable doing so, is when labour starts, to stay at home as long as you can, stying mobile, upright, and eating and drinking as you need to, or getting in the bath or shower if you need to.

i was technically high risk due to having had a previous c.section, but my second labour and birth was totally straightforward and normal with no intervention. being high risk does not automatically mean that all the things that could potentially happen to you, happen. it is a risk, not a given.

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