20 weeks surgical abortion

[tescee]

Hi all, I have posted on here before when I first found out I was pregnant and the support was overwhelming and I appreciated every woman steering me in the right direction. I chose to carry on with my pregnancy as I didn't know if it was something I was ready for to begin with. Since then I've had my 12 weeks scan and I felt an automatic love for my unborn child. At 16 weeks pregnant I went for a private scan to find out the gender and I'm having a boy! I already have a two year old girl so as you can imagine I was overjoyed. However I have just recently been for my 20 weeks scan which show a few abnormalities and the best thing I was advised to do was think of my little boy I know it's impossible to carry on with this pregnancy however I am so scared of what now will happen. I've heard many horror stories relating to this topic, such as having to give birth to the baby and feel as if I'm in actual active labour. I've heard things about D&E when I could possibly be asleep for the procedure? Im not sure how correct these things are or what will now lie ahead of me? I am currently on waiting on the midwife to get back to me.
I know what I'm going through is hell. But I know there is no other option and no other choice so I need to "grow up" and stop acting like a wuss. Is there anyone who's encountered something similar and if so what options was given to them from the hospital (nhs) and what should I now expect? In terms of pain or how things will happen and also the after care side of things.
I'm sorry to bother anyone and ask all these questions, I'm also sorry to anyone who's been through this before and I'm asking you to relive the pain.
Thanks I'm advance

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP. There's a separate antenatal tests topic here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices

I had a TFMR at 14 weeks earlier this year due to T18 abnormalities. I opted for a surgical abortion under GA which was definitely the best option for me. Although under surgical abortion, the foetus isn't intact after the procedure. I have read that other women have had medical terminations which meant they were able to see the baby afterwards, dress them and take photos. I wouldn't have liked to do that, but it does seem to help others. So that is something you might want to consider. There was an article recently about TFMR after 20 weeks - it does have some first hand description of the experience which you might or might not want to read. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/14/choosing-termination-baby-foetal-anomaly

I don't know what options are offered after 20 weeks, and whether they are more limited on the NHS. It seems to depend on the individual hospital. I was able to opt for a surgical termination, but it meant travelling further than my local hospital. For me I am glad I opted for surgical, as my experience was inserting some pills, being put to sleep, and waking up a few minutes later and it was all over. I didn't have any pain afterwards, I went home a few hours later and bleeding was minimal. My periods returned after a few weeks, and I was able to get pregnant again five months later.