Not coping (TW)

[FeelSoAwful]

TW: mention of suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt in the past

I’m so sorry if this triggers anyone but I don’t know how to help myself in this situation. I’m 27 weeks pregnant with my (much wanted and loved) second child and I’m not coping.

I’m not coping very well this time round. I’m feeling desperately low and I don’t know why. In my first pregnancy I was signed off work at 15 weeks as I took an overdose as couldn’t cope with the morning sickness. I know that sounds awful and I will forever hate myself for that but that baby is now our 4 year old daughter and she’s healthy and well. But this time round I’ve been able to cope with the sickness so nothing drastic has happened. But I feel like my mind is so full I don’t even have the mental space to think about what to eat for dinner, or sorting a bloody outfit for daughters nativity.

I’m lucky in that I’ve got a cleaner who comes weekly and grandparents who look after my daughter after school so I can work but I’m just totally lost and stuck. I’m self employed now so can’t be signed off but I just don’t know what to do.

That sounds tough - I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. Well done on managing with the sickness though - that can't be easy with a 4-year old!

Have you talked to your midwife about how you are feeling? You can ask for a referral for perinatal mental health services - they'll have things like talking therapy and psychology support. They can also offer you medication if that would help.

When you say your mind feels full, are there particular thoughts that keep coming back, or particular things you are worrying about? Or is it more like feeling so overwhelmed that you can't focus?

If you are feeling really bad right now, the Samaritans are really supportive listeners. You could also head up to A&E if you feel like you can't keep yourself safe right now. You'd be assessed by a Psychiatrist (after a long wait), who would be able to offer some immediate support and make a referral to an appropriate mental health team for you.

Thank you. I'm already under the perinatal mental health team but all that's happened so far is having a psychiatry appt back at 16 weeks, and there doesn't seem to be any sign of anything more appointment wise.

I already take antidepressants (have been on them for years) and see a psychotherapist weekly (have done for 5 years) I guess I'm just a complicated case with a rubbish mindset.

And no there's not particular things I'm worried about, although it's all the usual stuff like finishing Christmas shopping, getting pressies wrapped, work etc. and then obviously building the furniture for baby's room, sorting my daughter's old clothes out ready for new baby etc. But mostly it's that my mind is just completely full of all the things I need to remember to do, or remember to get someone else to do that I don't have any mental space to answer simple questions from others about meeting up, or doing something, or cooking something. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.