Third trimester - feeling so sad

[33andcounting]

Hi, I’ve name changed for this as feeling a bit silly posting. Sorry for the long post.

I’m almost 34 weeks, second pregnancy, I have a lovely 3 year old.

The last few weeks I’ve been feeling a bit upset, and I don’t know how to snap out of it.

I’m still working but my partner has started teacher training, so less money coming in from him and he’s busy with lesson plans most evenings and weekends. Our daughter is wonderful but it’s hard work, she’s full of energy and demanding.

My house is a mess, all clutter and no storage, and it does depress me. I haven’t mastered tidying with a busy toddler, which I know is probably my fault.

This morning I went to my first antenatal class. It was a small group hypnobirthing and I was hoping to meet someone nice I might be able to see for coffee and WhatsApp on mat leave. But no good, others not friendly and busy with their partners. I’ve been too busy (or disorganised) to book into NCT or anything, and am now panicking that I’ll be horribly lonely once baby arrives.

I’m just feeling so sad that I’m not enjoying being pregnant, not looking forward to maternity leave, scared of how overwhelming it will be without a friendly group. I wish we had delayed TTC really but too late now! I feel sorry for my baby, nothing prepared and no excitement about her arrival.

Does anyone have any advice that might help me? Anything I should try, to cheer up and make these last few weeks feel a bit special and not just a ticking clock?

Thank you

Oh love, I sympathise. I don’t have a toddler so I can only imagine how much harder it is if you do, but I also feel really sad and low at the moment. Remember that having mixed feelings about the baby doesn’t mean you won’t love them (and it’s not like they know what you’re thinking). It’s probably a sign that you need a bit of support. I am a teacher and training was unbelievably stressful and all-consuming, so I can guess your DP/DH may not be able to give you as much as you need right now. Do you have friends or family who can help you a bit, just to take some of the load? I also didn’t join an antenatal class because a lot is still online and I don’t make friends easily anyway, so I also worry about being lonely. Can you buy a few small bits for the baby so you feel like he/she will have something special for when they arrive? That way you won’t be feeling guilty as well as sad (not that you should feel guilty about not being over the moon). Talk to your friends - even if they don’t have kids, tell them you feel down. Sometimes just saying it takes some of the pain out of it. Massive hugs to you.

Also, buy some big plastic boxes for the clutter and get the toddler to help. Put some music on and turn it into a game - “can you get all those bricks into that box?” etc. She may be 3 but she can still pull her weight in a small way!

Hello.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Pregnancy is hard and support is important - perhaps have a chat with your partner about how you feel to see if they can spare some time with you? It’s important you get some care and attention at this tricky time, especially with having a little one already. This is my first and I am exhausted but I don’t have another to run around after. My advice is to spend some time with your child / partner decorating the house and make it nice for the festive period. You don’t have to be into Xmas to enjoy a few fairy lights and to make things cosy. I would also reach out to family or close friends and see if anyone could give you a hand to get things a bit more ready for the baby as it’s hard when things are feeling on top of you. In terms of support when the baby is here - don’t worry if you didn’t meet anyone at that class and you are not on NCT. I am not going to the antenatal classes as I am very busy with work and an MA but when I am off I will join some groups then. I think I will feel a bit more up for it then at the minute I am feeling a bit antisocial. There are loads of new mum groups on NCT and locally to join when the baby is here. I also recommend spending some time with yourself and enjoying your own company. I love an afternoon shopping or swimming just me - who needs friends when you have yourself to hang with! Lastly, I felt from this message that you could be struggling with perinatal depression. Have these feelings been persistent for a long time? Or more than a few weeks? It might be time to enlist in a therapist or speak to your GP to get some help with this. The hormonal changes in pregnancy are tough and you might need a bit more input to get you feeling better again. Take good care of yourself x

Sorry you are feeling so sad & down. This is my second pregnancy and I’m almost 30 weeks. I wouldn’t say I feel sad or down but it’s completely different for me being pregnant second time round to my first. I feel more of a guilt. I’m so busy with my 4 year old, preschool drop offs & pick ups, working, chores, getting ready for Christmas, attending midwife appointments, doctors appointments, hospital appointments, dentist appointments. I just have absolutely no time to stop and think about this pregnancy. I actually realised a few days ago that I am further a long than I thought I was as I had just completely lost track of how many weeks pregnant I am. I don’t feel I have time to look after myself properly & felt I was much more healthier and in tune with my body in my first pregnancy. My baby will be here in roughly 10 weeks time and I’ve had no time at all to think about it, get prepared or even get excited. I know I feel differently to you but I just wanted you to know that another second time mum is finding it so much different to their first pregnancy x

Baby only needs YOU. Not the groups not nothing,just you! Not even the clean house matters .
I've got no storage too, just resorted to buying from them strong shopping bags to put toys that dont fit anywhere , so theyre not scattered everywhere. All i dont need thats laying around is going in the shed...one day when not pregnant I'll sort it... so stop beating yourself up x

Thanks for the very kind replies, I really am grateful to you all, it’s cheered me up to have a bit of a handhold on a bad night.

@LucyOrli thank you for your post, I can’t tell you how nice it is to get a bit of sympathy and kindness when you need it. I’ll have a try of your suggestions.

@Hotcrossbunsinbed thank you, so reassuring to hear from someone with some similar experiences. I don’t think I’m depressed, more likely just having a rough couple of weeks - but I know where to go for help if I don’t feel any better soon.

@DoG87 such a reassuring post, I’m glad I’m not alone in finding it very different the second time around.

@Somerandomgirl your post made me smile, thank you I shall save it to read again when I’m getting too down.

Don’t forget you’ll be full of hormones on top of everything else. Being pregnant is hard work (well I found that anyway and then the guilt started as I felt I should also be extremely grateful which I was)

With my first I went to several antenatal groups and when she was born off to baby groups I trotted. With my second I didn’t feel I had the time or the energy. She’s 5 now and you’d never know she was one that didn’t attend these groups 😉 I personally didn’t feel lonely.

House mess, I’m the same. I get really stressed but in the whole scheme of things it doesn’t matter (I’m not talking about extreme mess and filth before anyone gets their knickers in a twist). I’m resigned to the fact that while I have small children my house won’t be a show house, I don’t want my kids to be scared of living in their home (not being able to play properly or accidentally spill something).

Just keep an eye on your mh, it’s all consuming for you at the moment but it will all get easier. I still can’t believe my baby is 5 and I can’t even think about how quickly my 8 year old has grown.

Hi op, your situation sounds v similar to mine. 32 weeks pregnant and I have a 2 year old. I’m struggling with the pregnancy with gestational diabetes and my mental health is bad. I’ve been having panic attacks. I’m signed off work just now as it all got too much. I get what you are saying about the clutter in the house, and I can very much relate to everything you are saying. I think you are not giving yourself enough credit for how hard it is being a mama at times, you’ve got this! Happy to chat over message if you like, I also feel I have nobody to speak to who is experiencing quite the same thing as me at the minute x

I was sad I didn't click with any NCT People as new to area. Have you got baby groups near you? Hopefully you can meet some people there instead. Don't worry about that yet you will be too tired for a while!!

Do you want to post some pics and we can give storage advise? We got some of those ikea book shelves that are cube storage and boxes. Helped loads.

Have you tried the app ‘Peanut’? I’ve got chatting to a couple of nice mums due around the same time as me on there.

Also, can you find any pregnancy yoga classes near you? I’ve been going to one and find it really good for my mental health.

I really sympathise though. I’m exactly the same gestation as you and have a son slightly younger than your daughter. I’m absolutely shattered and we’re moving house next week. My house is complete chaos now and we won’t be sorted by the time the new baby comes.

Can you have a clear out of all the toys/clutter?

I’m pregnant with second and I’m feeling similar to you. The clutter is getting me down so I’m going to take a load of stuff to the charity shop x

Aww you sound like you need some proper looking after OP. If there's noone able to give you a hand, it might be wise to plan some things just for you; even if it's simple stuff like an early night with a book or a bath or an afternoon doing something you like.
The Organised Mum method totally saved my terrible housekeeping (though it's gone to pot now I'm working full time) and I try to do decluttering as an ongoing thing; so every time we tidy up the kids room I ask if there are things they don't play with anymore and we can sell/charity shop. It chips away at the clutter.
Also; you're pregnant! So it's ok to be emotional and not quite feel yourself.

Sorry you're feeling down. Honestly, the hormones are a totally bigger while pregnant and there is nothing wrong with sitting yourself down with a huge bar of chocolate and cup of tea for a cry sometimes!

Second time around pregnant is completely different to the first. Does your three year old go to nursery? I think we did three or four baby groups with our first child and two in total for the next two, between them 😬 my support came from other parents who were also on leave with second or third kids, who I met through the nursery my eldest was at, usually at pick up and drop off. The baby doesn't need any clubs or baby friends, the support from these groups is for you. And honestly, if you can get that from people who also have a connection to your eldest it becomes win win!

The mess is a tough one. I found that the more kids we had the more having a tidy house at the end of the day became like a crutch, otherwise it gets overwhelming. If you have too much, can you box some of it up and put it in storage or at a relative's if they have space? Also maybe it's a good time now to think about how much your three year old will receive at Christmas and see if the gifts from relatives can be small (as in, physically small!!). Is it worth investing in different storage furniture? Maybe a trip to IKEA would be a good chance to get excited about baby and also get some inspiration for hiding all the stuff.

Also I would say it is quite normal to feel sad for the lifestyle that is coming to an end. You won't be a family of there any more, you don't have so much time at the moment with your DP. But having two kids is really really amazing. I couldn't really imagine what it would be like each time we had another till they were here. Don't worry if it feels this pregnancy is passing you by, these things don't matter, it's only happening because you have a fuller plate this time round already!

I'm sorry to hear that ur feeling low, its not easy.
My daughter was 3 when I fell pregnant but we were in a lock down too. So I was coupled up at home seeing nobody at all and was like this pretty much through the whole pregnancy and it was the most difficult in the winter months as daylight ended so quick and I didn't fancy taking my daughter out in a pregnant state in rain and wind.

I totally get how u are feeling. It can get very lonely. And if uv tried meeting other mums it's not always easy to do that. Some mums have additional kids and just don't have time as they're so busy. Don't take it to heart at all.
Tips would be make the most of your 1.1 time with ur daughter because once ur new bundle arrives u will only realise then that ul never have that alone time with ur child and it can be quite hard on her too.
I didn't think it'd make a huge difference but it does so just make ur moments precious with ur daughter. When I was stuck in lockdown plus winter I'd get the arts and crafts box out and do loads of paintings, we would do relaxing activities that didn't require too much energy. I'd put a movie on for her whilst I got rest. Etc etc.
In the better days I'd go for walks and scenic drives but this was all in lockdown so u could take Yr daughter to places that she'd like or if u have family support use that.
When ur baby arrives u will love how ul b a Mum of 2 it adds a whole new dimension to the family u can see ur kids bonding as baby grows day by day. It will be exciting maybe nearer the time.
About the mess etc. If u can afford a large deep toybox that has a lid and I mean a huge one won't hav to worry about a tidy room just open it and put all the toys in. In pregnancy it's not easy cleaning up toys and organising everyday.

My partner like urs was super busy too and it's not easy with a toddler on ur hands and being pregnant.
U don't have long to go and hopefully ul have brilliant times ahead when u hold ur new bundle of joy. Good luck xx

Hi moms,
I am taking Nexium tablet 40mg every day due to severe heart burn and acid reflux. I am unable to take iron or calcium due to same issues of vomiting episodes. I can't eat properly also. I am 27 weeks pregnant. Its my first and I am mentally suffering thinking about so many unwanted things related to pregnancy. This baby is after six years if fighting infertility treatments. Struggled with hypermesis till six months. Its eased now. Is nexium bad. Other name is esomoprzole for the same. I cannot manage without it. Did anyone took it? I really need some sort of support. All scans are looking good till now by Almighty infinite grace. But am on an emotional rollercoaster. I am also thinking if i would go. Preterm many moms had mentioned in different groups. How good are we at 27 weeks