Very prem baby. What can we do?

[KatieBenz]

Hello, my grandchild was born yesterday at only 26 weeks gestation. Baby, mum and dad doing ok. Baby, ventilated and in NICU. Obviously, we can’t visit properly because of covid restrictions, but I just wanted to ask “what can do to help”? Prem mummies, what helped you the most during those first few weeks?

Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild!

I'm assuming it was unexpected early labour? Must be a bit of a shock for them.

Mine was planned (and not quite so early) but things that helped us:

Meals at home in the freezer as no one feels like cooking after a day in NICU

Snacks and easy lunch options for while they're at the hospital (or a prepaid meal card for the hospital canteen if they do that?)

Hand cream and lip balm (everything gets so dry in there)

A nice journal to record everything (if they're that kind of people)

Books to read to baby, they encourage this for bonding.

Prem size nappies once they're wearing them, cotton wool/pads - they tend to ask you to supply

Once baby is bigger prem baby clothes so they have some things that actually fit!

You can also get milestone cards for premature babies which are quite nice - 'I came off the ventilator' 'I left my incubator) - that kind of thing

I hope they have a smooth NICU stay.

Has he got a name yet? Something personalised. Even if he isn't allowed it in nicu it's a nod that he is here and you love him already.
And a prem hat. They all need them!! Asda and Next bigger stores do really tiny stuff.

Agree with everything above. Dd1 wasn’t prem but did spend 4 months in nicu.

Meals they can microwave, snacks and maybe a nice water bottle for the hospital. Any other help you can provide at home (are they staying in hospital accom or at home at the moment?) - washing clothes etc.

Books to read to baby are a good idea, it helps connect whilst doing skin to skin if baby is on a vent.

Lipbalm and moisturiser again v useful because of the hot wards and lot of hand washing/ sanitising.

We also found it useful to have a couple of point people (one family member and a couple of friends in different groups) to update other people.

Congratulations on your new grandchild. Nicu is a long journey but every milestone is so rewarding.

@sarah246 wow! Thank you! I have already ordered a journal and will buy some prem clothing in a few weeks time. I’m not a brilliant cook, so may buy some nice meals to Chuck in the freezer 😉
No, it wasn’t planned. All very dramatic. Mum is doing very well considering what she has gone through.

If you can knit definitely knit as many blankets, baby hats and cardigans as you can - my twins were 6 weeks early and we relied on charities for knitted clothes as they were the only thing that fitted as they need lots of layers as they cant regulate their body temperature- their temperature is checked every 2 hours or so and they will add or take away layers every time - it's constant.
Hospital wasn't allowed to wash and re use whatever my twins used so we went home with bags of knitted blankets and clothes and in return i knit whenever I can and make my own donations to the NICU unit

Emily's wish is one - for a donation they will send a lovely parcel of knitted clothes direct to the hospital unit

[quote KatieBenz]@sarah246 wow! Thank you! I have already ordered a journal and will buy some prem clothing in a few weeks time. I’m not a brilliant cook, so may buy some nice meals to Chuck in the freezer 😉
No, it wasn’t planned. All very dramatic. Mum is doing very well considering what she has gone through.[/quote]
Someone gave us a voucher for cook meals so we could pick what we wanted and have it delivered - you can get it delivered to your house in case they're at the hospital when it arrives

Thank you @Rrrob @santaischeckinglists. He has got a name, so we will get something personalised. I’ve also got a spare (dont’t ask!) M&S beauty advent calendar, so may drop that off.
Question. Did you want your parents ringing or texting texting regularly or did you just want to hunker down together and concentrate on your new family unit? We don’t want to cause them anymore stress.

I had a prem @35 weeks ( but prob a chub at 4.12 compared to your dgs) !! Older dd got him a Dumbo comforter with his name and dob etc on. He is 7 now and still has it!!
Maybe agree a check in time every day so dd can focus on ds and some sleep!?

Hi @sarah246 and @4**@4amstarts. I was intending to get the Cook parents package ( but in March!), so will get a voucher instead.
No, can’t knit, but will ask the more creative members of the family to help out.

@KatieBenz congratulations on your grandchild!

One thing to add to the multiple things above... a book for mum to read. Days in NICU are loooong but you (naturally!) don't want to leave baby's side.

My boy was born at 30 weeks and spent 8 weeks in NICU followed by SCBU. I'm totally behind the meals - the amount my partner and I spent on takeaways after long days in NICU/SCBU was criminal!

Some hospitals are involved with Premiee charities where you can buy knitted items and the money goes direct to that NICU/SCBU so maybe ask about it at the hospital they are in?

Best of luck!

No advice but just wanted to say congratulations and that you sound lovely OP!

I think you are being really thoughtful. I think re. communication, the key is not to make any demands of them. So definitely check in regularly, let them know you are there if they want to talk. But I'd just send messages saying I was thinking of them all, etc. Not bombarding them with questions or leaving them voicemails! I'm sure you will pitch it right as you sound like you are putting them first.

On scary days getting questions from family and friends would be hard work I think, but that being said I wanted to keep my family up to date, so made sure to send them at least a message each day.

Can you arrange for your son to call or message you each evening whenever best suits him?

Thank you all. We will follow their lead and fit in with them re. Communication.
I’m off to bed now - not had a lot of sleep in the last few days. Thanks for all of your help x

I had a premature 3lb baby. My mum helped with my older child while I was in hospital.

We had no tiny baby things and they are quite hard to get at short notice. Obviously ask your son/daughter what they need but that might be something you can help with.
Not in covid times so we could have visitors. The best ones popped in just long enough to tell me dd was beautiful (without mentioning the masses of wires and things bleeping as she was in scbu) and show a friendly face.
I was so overwhelmed I lost track of time totally for a month or so. And it certainly didn't occur to me to keep people informed, thank them for presents (I did, but later) etc.
I hope little one gains weight etc and starts feeding well very soon.
Looking back (20 years!) the whole episode feels like a dream, that sense of unreality.
Is your son the father?
I'd suggest offering help and support but following their lead on what they need.
A lovely bag of luxuries won't go amiss and maybe some decent slippers (I cried over having to wear hospital ones as I was admitted in such a rush I hadn't packed a bag or anything)
Congratulations!

Prepared food as others have said and as much practical help as possible. Washing, washing up and cleaning the house so it’s one less thing to do.
I think I went into shock after the birth of my 28 weeker and although you go on to auto pilot the less you have to do the better.
Expressing really took it out of me as milk hadn’t come in so if mum is doing that foods that aid milk production are good.
And a really good hand cream. My hands have never been the same since.

We had booklets from Tommys about prem babies which really helped friends and family understand what’s going on. So many people think it’s just a really small baby and have no idea of the compilations they can face and the rollercoaster that is NICU.

Mum will need a lot of support if dad goes back to work following paternity leave.

Congratulation OP. Hope the little one thrives

Sorry when I asked if your son is the father, what I meant was, are you the parent of the father? Apologies - that came across unintentionally very rude

Preparing food is good, as is offering to do laundry if that's feasible, so they can spend more time at the hospital. Offering to source micro nappies and other bits they need - I didn't appreciate having to trawl supermarkets to find which ones stocked micro sizes.

Don't bother with baby clothes yet - they don't wear them in incubators.

I appreciated cake. I was expressing and the fat content in the milk was unreal - my body knew I needed to fatten my baby up!

Hand cream as the sanitiser and lots of hand washing is very drying.

Help with any other children, pets, any caring responsibilities like visiting elderly relatives, cleaner to let in, all that stuff which isn’t directly related to your new gc and has to be done.

Lifts to and from the hospital if they don’t have transport. You’re basically stuck in one place for a long time while exhausted so magazines, neck pillows, noise cancelling headphones (although they are expensive), if they craft then craft supplies, snacks based on what you know they like to eat and can’t be found in the hospital, all that stuff.

Check about Covid restrictions- I image it is parents only- but that was the thing that helped the most, was being able to leave and know someone was there. The hospital always called when babies stats were troubling, and there was a nurse watching them 24/7 but just helped knowing someone was there. If the hospital has a hotel really near by you could offer a room there for a few nights so they can sleep in a bed but not be too far away (if they’re not in a side room with an adult bed too).

Also, clothes aren’t worn in the early days so it can feel a bit sad being given them - I remember thinking my baby’s so I’ll they can’t even wear clothes. But that might just be me.

So ill not so I’ll!

My friends DS was born at 27 weeks, it was a whirlwind and very traumatic for her.
I do remember though she developed really bad cracked skin on her hands from washing them so much, I’d say some good hand cream would work wonders.
She found it ever so hard going home every day and leaving her DS in hospital, so anything to help through it.
She had to pump every 4 hours as well so had the exhaustion of having a newborn, but the suffering of not having him home.
Anything to make her feel pampered and amazing

Definitely meals - things that could be kept in the fridge at the hospital (our NICU had a parents lounge) so we were able to heat them there.

I also second the PP who said offer to do laundry - this was one of the greatest things my parents did for me whilst my baby was in NICU. It was one less thing for me to think about. And giving our home a clean when they new we’d be home so we had a space that felt calm, stress free and welcoming to come into after the emotional days sat by his incubator. One thing to note though - I didn’t want anything my baby had worn to be washed at the beginning. I was desperate to preserve anything with his smell on so I could keep it with me when I wasn’t by his side.

Also a fragrance free body wash - I was still healing from the birth and also wanted my baby to connect with my smell as much as possible so didn’t want anything perfumed.

A metal water bottle that keeps water cold - NICU is really hot, and I wasn’t drinking anywhere near enough at the beginning just using the little cups by the fountain. Once I got my water bottle I could keep hydrated which was also important for my milk supply.

Re communication, I just blocked out anything and everything that wasn’t my baby. I couldn’t function. I appreciated people who went through my partner if they needed anything and it just meant I was less overwhelmed.

When things are less raw and uncertain, you may also want to suggest she follows a page on Instagram (if she uses it) called DearNicuMama. I’ve found it so helpful to read the messages from other NICU mums, to validate how I feel and to navigate my emotions even months after we’ve been discharged. I never spoke to other mums whilst in NICU so reading these accounts has helped me hugely.

Sending your family best wishes OP. It’s a tough journey but babies are remarkably robust.

Vouchers for coffees, food etc at the hospital would be really helpful. There is often limited cooking arrangements and the cost of eating there really adds up. Eating is very important, I lost so much weight when my Dd was in NiCU and her subsequent hospital stays, make sure she is fed in whatever way works!

Be careful about baby blankets etc in the crib, we lost a few of ours in the hospital laundry so maybe buy less personal/special ones so it matters less if they get lost.

We also used little knitted squares that people donated to the hospital. I wore one for a day then put it in the crib with dd so she could smell me when I couldn’t hold her. Then I’d wear a second one and swap each day. Anything would do this job though, a baby vest or muslin would work too.

The NICU can be one step forward, two steps back so a comforting ear and shoulder for the steps back were what helped me the most.

Sending you all lots of love and best wishes x

Congratulations and you seem really lovely,

I'd say maybe a sleep mask in case they want to sleep at the hospital or a nice treat like space masks are amazing for either parent as a little treat

A klean kanteen insulated bottle with an additional cafe top will keep hot drinks VERY hot for ages and cold drinks cold too, great for hospitals they are the best drinking vessels, again good for them both

I hope everything continues to go well x