Hiding sobriety in December support thread

[MidnightPatrol]

Support thread for those of us who need to get through numerous festive events without anyone noticing we aren’t drinking alcohol.

I’m not even remotely bothered by not drinking, but as someone who has always been happy to have a glass (or five), suddenly being totally abstinent is already arousing suspicion. I’d thought people would, even if they clocked it, be polite and ignore it. They aren’t.

Tactics so far have included having a tiny glass of white / red in front of me at a restaurant and not drinking it (worked quite well - work event), and ordering a pint of alcohol free beer topped up with lemonade (which looks like a pint of lager / cider). The latter worked well in the pub, where it’s very difficult to not have something in front of you.

I’ve got three work Christmas parties, a wedding weekend, a family weekend, two Christmas dinners with friends etc - not including all the impromptu events. It’s going to be a looooong month.

You're on antibiotics?

Don’t say antibiotics
You may as well wear a flashing ‘I’m pregnant’ badge

I’ve always found the best way is to grab a glass of wine at the start and keep it in your hand most of the night
Put it down and go to the bar to get another if you need to

No one will keep track of whether you’re drinking it, and you can ditch it, swap to a soft drink, and tell people you’re alternating wine and water because you’ve got a meeting/long drive/the gym in the morning

Or get a gin and tonic without the gin, and no one will realise

I have often managed to get a bartender in on my secret and then asked them to serve me a tonic in a gin glass with a garnish and just do a wink wink when I then order a "gin and tonic" at the bar if anyone is at the bar with me or someone is taking orders from the table.
I've had to make sure I get there early each time to have this private chat and I'm not sure it could be relief on in the very busy festive season though but worth a try!

I turned down a glass of wine of Saturday and a relative immediately asked if I was pregnant.

After many, many years of clocking others not drinking and just ignoring it (because, no one needs to justify not having a drink), it’s a bit annoying to have the gossip machine in overdrive off the back of that alone.

I even had a mutual friend of that relative message me to say she’d asked them.

Argh!

Order sparkling water with lots of ice and a wedge of lime or lemon.

Looks like a vodka/gin and tonic. Worked with both of mine when I had work events and weddings to attend early doors.

@MidnightPatrol

I turned down a glass of wine of Saturday and a relative immediately asked if I was pregnant.

After many, many years of clocking others not drinking and just ignoring it (because, no one needs to justify not having a drink), it’s a bit annoying to have the gossip machine in overdrive off the back of that alone.

I even had a mutual friend of that relative message me to say she’d asked them.

Argh!

I'd be cross about this. In response I'd say 'well if I were and I wanted you to know, then you'd already know, wouldn't you!'

As in, push off and mind your own business!

What an odd person that relative of yours! I wouldn't think it was odd at all occasionally not wanting a drink. Unless it's some special occasion that it's reasonable to think everyone who likes a drink would have planned for a fun night, but every now and again on a normal day it's completely normal to not drink.

I live next door to my in-laws and first got pregnant in the summer when we were regularly all sitting in the garden with a couple bottles of wine or a few beers and managed to hide not drinking from them for weeks. And I'm not just kidding myself, they were genuinely surprised when we told them. I would emerge from the house with a pint of non-alcoholic cider, or "white wine" spritzer, then sit down and keep sipping it, if I topped up from the bottle on the table I'd eventually swap my glass with the OH's when no one was looking so it looked like mine was going down.

Making excuses why you're not drinking is way more obvious than just pretending to drink, especially if it's not a usual occurrence. As long as you're seen with a glass of something people will just assume it's a 'proper' drink and not think twice about it. No one will monitor whether you actually drink the glass you're carrying around. Busy events are easier than intimate dinners with just a few people.

Drive whenever possible.

Just hold a drink. Most people won't clock how much you do/ don't drink. Everyone knew when at a big family party my sister wasn't doing shots but no one said.

I know people are going to cop I'm not smoking, I wouldn't be a chain smoker but I'd usually have 2/3 on a night out. When I was pregnant before I said I'd quit, but when I mc I went back on them and my family knew by that point. So if I quit again they'll know! I think most of them wouldn't say anything though might get a few grins though!

Ultimately, it really is no ones business why some else isn't drinking. An old friend of mine has told me/ some other close friends that she is an alcoholic. I was shocked (but supportive), she liked a drink but no more than the rest of us, or so I thought. From the outside never someone who you'd think of as an alcoholic, great job, nice house/ car, keeps fit, looks well. Turns out it was mostly at home. You don't know someone's situation. Sorry made that probably a little too serious!!

I've already aroused suspicion with my team at work as I've now said I'll drive to my Christmas do. I think I'll go with the line that I have to pick up my little one from nursery later on as hubby is away.

When we have the family over to mine I'll just pretend to have a drink and dispose of it in the kitchen or use my non alcoholic gin. Might be tricky at my parents though as my sister has just announced her pregnancy so she clearly won't be drinking for that reason and they will likely question me as I do enjoy a glass of bubbly at Christmas

It’s soo hard.
100% just buy a glass without drinking it, or something that looks similar.

Nobody believes the antibiotics.

People are thoughtless and it’s probably in a kind way because they’d be excited for you. But it’s none of their business. I just got accused of being hormonal when I told them that too so perhaps not the best idea.

Once we told people our wonderful news I made a point of telling particular people who’d made me uncomfortable at the time exactly what they’d done too so perhaps they’d think twice before accusing the next person!!

Do you ever drink spirits? I just kept getting tonic with a squeeze of lime and said it was a single G&T. Can do the same with most mixers and claim it's a white spirit. Otherwise drive places?

I've done applejuice with a dash of lemonade for champs/cava/prosecco. If you tell bar staff that you're not drinking and it's not too busy, they'll often help disguise drinks for you.

If someone else buys for you do the wine thing. Another trick is to claim a glass is dirty/chipped and go to the bar for a fresh glass and buy a soft drink in a wine glass and leave your old drink on the bar or a near by table...