Hey, this is my first post. I've been reading similar threads which have helped a little. I'm 36 and have been with my partner only a few months. He's very loving and supportive and excited to be a father again. When I was looking for a relationship, I was looking for someone to start a family with. We both knew our actions were likely to result in pregnancy and we both wanted it. We were both surprised it happened first time. I was coping ok until the last few days. The nausea has been overwhelming. It's 24/7 and almost painful. I broke down in tears, most likely hormones, and my partner supported me and made me feel better. But I couldn't face work or leaving my home. So I've taken the last two days off and I have to go back in today because I can't afford my rent if I don't. I spent last night crying my eyes out. I'm so sick of the nausea. I have a vomiting phobia and have learnt how to not be sick so I haven't actually been sick. But the nausea is constant fear of being sick. I can't tell work I am pregnant. I was on a temp contract that thankfully got made permanat but not for a couple of days. I'm scared if I tell them before then they will just let my contract end and not renew because I won't be able to continue in my role (it's quite physical). I feel guilty that if i tell them when my contract is permanant in a few days they will think badly of me like I planned it. Even though I won't be entitled to the company maternity anyway. I feel bad that I will have to move departments at the busiest time of the year when they're already struggling.
I will need to give up my council flat to move in with my partner, he has also offered me a job with him doing something I actually love. It sounds idyllic and perfect but I'm terrified of giving up my independance. I've only had my flat 6 months and it took me 6 years to get it. What if we don't work living together an I end up with no home and no job and a baby? I know he would support me anyway he can he's a lovely person so that wouldn't actually happen but it would be incredibly stressful. I wanted this pregnancy, I was ready to start a family but now I'm freaking out and can't stop crying. I believe the constant nausea has been a trigger for this depressive mood. I need it to stop. I've even thought about ending the pregnancy. But have not seriously entertained the idea. I feel guilty I just want it to end even though I wanted this. Only my best friend and two trusted colleagues (I barely know) know that I'm pregnant. My other half wants to wait until the scan to announce which I agree with but it makes it's hard. But even if people knew I don't think I could tell them how I feel. I know they will just feel helpless to understand. And I don't want to be whiny.
I would happily take all the boob pain, heartburn etc if the nausea would just stop. It's like a fog. I look at myself a week ago and don't even recognize that person.
I eat small frequent meals, I eat before I get out of bed. I'm taking pregnancy vitamins and as of today I'm taking vit b6 and ginger capsules. I'm using bands as of today too. I have felt a little better today nausea wise but it feels like its just matter of time before it comes back. I know this depression is probably just from the hormone dump. I just wasn't prepared for this. I never see this coming. I've had mild nausea from week 4 so I'm hoping I've reached the peak early.
I know there's nothing that can actually help me and I just have to ride it out. So this is more just me getting this of my chest.