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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unexpected pregnancy

10 replies

cmaddiep · 23/11/2021 08:40

I (23F) just found out I am pregnant with my boyfriend (26M). We've been together for Almost three years and we're so in love but I am scared it is too soon as this is not the position we wanted to be in when expecting.

We live in rented and have not a lot of savings, high outgoings and I am scared to whether we will be able to sort out our finances in time. We both work and are in steady jobs, he is studying to become a phycologist as well. I don't like my current job (also feel I will be stuck as not sure if I can get another job before mat leave) but we are both earning a decent wage with overtime if needed as well.

He is so supportive either way and I know that we would make great parents but I wish we were in a better situation financially.

I am so scared to commit as I feel like it may be too soon. We haven't gone on any holidays, we wanted to buy a house and do a lot more other stuff before having a baby. I'm also not in the shape I wanted to be in (lockdown hit me hard) and I'm disappointed that it's happened now. I know that isn't all that matters but I just feel lost and unsure how to make a decision

I am also terrified of giving birth (not good with pain/hospitals), gaining pregnancy weight (struggling with my new lockdown figure already) and not being able to loose it. Again I know that isn't all that matters and not really important at all but it is a worry for me unfortunately.

Is there anyone else who was in the same position? Just looking for a bit of advice xx

OP posts:
DariaMorgendorffer · 23/11/2021 08:46

Sorry to hear your worries op. They are totally valid! If you really feel strongly like this is the wrong time for you, then I would consider a termination in your position. But only you know what is right for you. Listen to what your gut is telling you, and listen to it without judgement or being too hard on yourself Thanks

ccbt98 · 23/11/2021 09:17

@DariaMorgendorffer

Sorry to hear your worries op. They are totally valid! If you really feel strongly like this is the wrong time for you, then I would consider a termination in your position. But only you know what is right for you. Listen to what your gut is telling you, and listen to it without judgement or being too hard on yourself Thanks
So hard as I feel like my gut is telling me two different things! I would love to have it but maybe I'm just overthinking and scared. Thanks for your comment though that's made me feel better xx
onepotatotwopotatothreepotato · 23/11/2021 09:21

OP do u have family support who could help with free childcare so that u could go back to work at least part time? How does your partner feel about pregnancy?

Tbh there is never a right time. You could achieve all the house etc and still it's not right. You can still go on holidays but it'll be a family holiday of 3 instead

ccbt98 · 23/11/2021 09:27

@onepotatotwopotatothreepotato

OP do u have family support who could help with free childcare so that u could go back to work at least part time? How does your partner feel about pregnancy?

Tbh there is never a right time. You could achieve all the house etc and still it's not right. You can still go on holidays but it'll be a family holiday of 3 instead

We have lots of family around us who would be so supportive and lots of new parents int he family also! My partner is really excited and is trying to edge me towards having it (supportive either way) but I am unsure if family will help with childcare as they all work

I'm just in two minds, I really want the baby but I'm so frightened. Maybe it's just still a shock and once I gather my thoughts I'll feel better

onepotatotwopotatothreepotato · 23/11/2021 09:50

@ccbt98 yes it prob is such a shock. Your partner and family sound supportive and ur seems like you want it so u would say go for it and everything will fall into place. How far along are u? If early days then u have lots of time to save up and get everything together. Buy lots of second hand etc.. u could always start a new job in the future as it doesn't sound like your too fussed about the current one anyway. I left my job and 3 years later am returning to a different job part time

Bells3032 · 23/11/2021 09:57

even when planned and financially stable the idea of having a baby is terrifying so don't blame you for being scared. it's a scary thing and its ok to be scared. I think the first thing to do is sit down and work out budgets, look at how much maternity, benefits, child care etc are in your area. Look at the things you could cut back on and see if you can make it work. you can get a lot of free and cheap baby stuff second hand but you do need to budget for things for the baby but you also said you know a lot of newer parents so hopefully won't have to get much.

As for the hospital and the pain - it's only one day in the journey. And epidurals are a lifesaver. x

Theresamagicalplace · 23/11/2021 09:57

I was in exactly the same position with my first. Renting, high outgoings etc, don't get wrong it was tough but manageable. The most important thing is that you are sure you relationship will survive the first few months and they are by far the hardest. Also as you are renting you may find you can get a universal credit top up, we do now and it helps towards the childcare so I can work part time so definitely worth looking into if you do decide to continue. Entitledto.co.uk has an online calculator to work out roughly how much you could get.

It's not an ideal situation but we're now trying for number 2 so definitely not as bad as you might be thinking at the moment 😊

ccbt98 · 23/11/2021 10:12

[quote onepotatotwopotatothreepotato]@ccbt98 yes it prob is such a shock. Your partner and family sound supportive and ur seems like you want it so u would say go for it and everything will fall into place. How far along are u? If early days then u have lots of time to save up and get everything together. Buy lots of second hand etc.. u could always start a new job in the future as it doesn't sound like your too fussed about the current one anyway. I left my job and 3 years later am returning to a different job part time [/quote]
I'm about 6 weeks so a bit of time!

We are okay financially, we'd be able to afford certain things it's just the bigger things that are making me anxious!

I think I would need to get a new job after as this one drives me mad haha! Just wish I was in more money haha (don't we all Confused)
Thank you xx

ccbt98 · 23/11/2021 10:13

@Bells3032

even when planned and financially stable the idea of having a baby is terrifying so don't blame you for being scared. it's a scary thing and its ok to be scared. I think the first thing to do is sit down and work out budgets, look at how much maternity, benefits, child care etc are in your area. Look at the things you could cut back on and see if you can make it work. you can get a lot of free and cheap baby stuff second hand but you do need to budget for things for the baby but you also said you know a lot of newer parents so hopefully won't have to get much.

As for the hospital and the pain - it's only one day in the journey. And epidurals are a lifesaver. x

Thank you! Yeah we really need to think about budgeting and herrings things paid off! Thankfully my OH can earn a good extra on his overtime so that will help.
ccbt98 · 23/11/2021 10:15

@Theresamagicalplace

I was in exactly the same position with my first. Renting, high outgoings etc, don't get wrong it was tough but manageable. The most important thing is that you are sure you relationship will survive the first few months and they are by far the hardest. Also as you are renting you may find you can get a universal credit top up, we do now and it helps towards the childcare so I can work part time so definitely worth looking into if you do decide to continue. Entitledto.co.uk has an online calculator to work out roughly how much you could get.

It's not an ideal situation but we're now trying for number 2 so definitely not as bad as you might be thinking at the moment 😊

Thank you all for your comments! I do feel much better already!

I am sure we would last as we are just soulmates and even in hard times before we are always there for each other. I just wished it was a better situation but hey ho!

Thank you again xxxx

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