I'm posting in the hope someone takes the time to read and reassure me I'm not alone :(
I am 23 weeks pregnant and suffering seriously with my mental health. Some days are ok and some days are awful. This weekend has been the worst so far I have cried since Friday night (it's now Sunday night) and my eyes are chapped and swollen from crying.
The day I found out I was pregnant a dark shadow came over me and it makes me feel so sad and guilty. We planned this baby but the idea of planning for and trying for a baby is far more romantic than the reality!
I cry all the time. I feel disgusting. I feel confused and hopeless every single day. I feel angry to the point where I could punch someone's lights out (this is not the real me I am so laid back normally) I am crap at my job because I can't concentrate. I can't sleep a full night I am only getting about 4 hours at the most and I am exhausted emotionally and physically.
I'm horrible to my partner and my parents who try their best to be there for me.
Please can someone tell me if they have felt this way - I only ever heard of post natal depression not depression during pregnancy. I thought it would be the best time of my life but it's the worst. I feel so guilty that the baby might know I feel this way :( I feel detached from my pregnancy and I feel like the old me who I loved is dead and gone never to return :(
I'm scared to tell my midwife as I'm worried they will jump on me and take my baby away. There is already a big focus on my mental health as I have been on anti depressants in the past and was in a violent relationship.
I haven't told a soul how I feel but for some reason I find it easier to open up to strangers :(