Fears about getting pregnant

[Law21]

Hi,

First time poster here 😊

I’m looking for some reassurance please.

My husband and I recently got married after postponing 3 times due to Covid.

He is desperate to have a child, and it’s something I’ve always felt I wanted.

Now we’re getting close to actually doing it though, I’m starting to get worried.

Worried about losing my financial independence, my social life, my career and my body.

I’m also just generally scared of the responsibility of raising a child! And the thought of childbirth.

Can anyone who’s felt the same way offer some comfort? How did you get over these feelings?

Thanks a lot!

All those thoughts and feelings are completely normal, you are definitely not alone! It’s very daunting to try to imagine how much your life is going to change, as well as everything else! I have felt the exact same. I think for me, as my husband and I started “trying” as the months went by and I got my period I realised how much more I wanted it to happen. When it finally did, I never felt so shocked but elated! But I’ve definitely had plenty “oh god” moments as well.

Things are inevitably going to change but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Your priorities will change too but doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy going out and doing the things you do now, you’ll be able to do those and more!
It’s a scary and exciting time, just embrace it and take each day at a time

I essentially think the people who don’t have those fears are the crazy ones. You are right to be aware of the huge responsibility parents take on. For me I just got to the point where my longing to have a child won through those fears. Finding out I had fertility issues was a big part of that in my case.

The truth is some of it (pregnancy, birth, parenting) will be very hard and other bits perhaps will be easier than you expect. But I don’t think you are necessarily starting from a bad place by knowing the significance of what you will be taking on. It’s good to go into it with your eyes open and it is likely to make you more considered in your choices. All the best.

I put pregnancy off for years for these very worries. My little one arrived earlier this year, the pregnancy was a happy surprise. We weren’t consciously trying and I’m not sure I would have as I’d have been so worried and talked myself out of it.

Once I was pregnant my worries about my body and birth disappeared, no point worrying about something that can no longer be avoided! Ultimately I had blown these things completely out of proportion in my head anyway (my experience of birth was nowhere near as bad as you see on TV and I was lucky enough to be back to my previous body shape 6months later).

My social life and work had already changed dramatically with lockdowns etc so I felt like this wasn’t compromised. We wouldn’t have been going travelling for a good while anyway. Now my little one is here they really wouldn’t feel like compromises anyway (I definitely didn’t feel like I’d say that before he arrived!)

His arrival has actually opened up a whole new side of me, it’s enriched an already fulfilled life. It’s still scary at times when you think about the responsibility but really you only get about 30secs here and there to think about it you’re too busy just doing it!

Thank you all so much. Those are really helpful responses!

It's good that you are thinking this out.

On the financial side find out:
Are you entitled to Mat leave
How much Mat pay will you get.
Save some money now to help with baby purchases and getting through Mat leave.
What Pat leave will he get, how much Pat pay.
If you work out the financials it won't be a surprise.
Discuss caring for the baby around your jobs, how will it work out. Will a pushchair/car seat fit in your vehicle,do you need to upgrade.
For the pregnancy bit you are probably not alone it's a new experience that is different for everyone. The same is true of birth and getting to grips with caring for a baby.
All I can say is it's challenging, rewarding and fun and I wouldn't change being a parent. You just need to discuss prior to starting this journey how you a jointly going to care, change you lifestyles and employment and household responsibilities to share the enjoyment and workload that young one bring.