high bmi - feeling ashamed

[Stargazer89]

Hi everyone,
I am currently around 9 weeks pregnant with my second and have my booking appointment next week. I am feeling so anxious because I put on a lot of weight with my first who is now 16 months and I haven’t lost the weight yet. I am delighted to be pregnant but worried about judgement from midwife, also I have booked in to have the NIPT at 10 weeks and I am terrified that ny extra weight will mean they will struggle with the scan.
I have started to eat healthy and my midwife said on the phone that I can do slimming world as it’s approved for pregnant women.
My BMI is around 31 which puts me in the obese category and my stomach is saggy and horrible from the extra weight and c section. I am about 2 stone heavier than I was this time 2 years ago for my first pregnancy. I know that i can’t do anything about it right now apart from to eat well and exercise to try to manage weight gain this time. I was just wondering if anyone is or has been in a similar situation?

That was me when I was pregnant with dd2. No one said a word. Bmi isn't classed as high around here until 35 in pregnancy. I had a healthy pregnancy, Dd2 is now 18 months and I'm nearly back to pre dd1 weight.
Eat as healthily as you can and stay active, you'll be fine.

I’m a labour suite midwife. If your bmi is only 31, a lot of the time you’ll be the thinnest lady on the board. I promise you, a bmi like yours isn’t that uncommon and you definitely don’t need to be embarrassed about it

I had a BMI of 40 at booking! Your natal care team will not bat an eyelid. Please don't feel ashamed.

Thank you @Helbelle75 for replying. Was your BMI as high as mine? I am really hoping to try not to gain half as much this time. To be fair with my 1st I ate everything in site so it wasn’t surprising that so gained so much! congratulations on the weight loss after DD2 that’s a great effort!

I'm not a health care professional but I don't think 31 is that high.

Best of luck with your pregnancy 💐

Thank you so much ladies. So glad i posted because i feel much better already.

Oh don’t be embarrassed. And you are doing something about it right now by eating healthy and exercising in a safe way for pregnancy. Your efforts now will make all the difference in recovery after this baby. The main thing is to establish better eating and exercise habits for life. After pregnancy and recovery, all you’d have to do is step up intensity of exercise...but the habit of setting aside the time for it will already be well established.

Men have it easy. Each pregnancy is like being run over by a train. It’s hard on you mentally and physically. So, please don’t be embarrassed.

My BMI is higher than yours and I’ve had two pregnancies. It’s only been acknowledged very matter of factly like ‘due to your BMI you’re more at risk of having a larger or smaller baby so we will book you in for an extra scan at X weeks.’ No one has ever said anything judgmental and I’ve had good scans at 8 weeks and 10 weeks. Honestly don’t worry about it at all.

I'd be extremely surprised if anyone said anything to you about it!

My bmi was 37 or 38 at booking and the only thing they said was that I probably wouldn't put much weight on over the course of my pregnancy - they've been right so far, I'm now 30 weeks and have put on 8lbs so far.

As a side note i had a private scan at 6 weeks and they were able to see the baby on a normal abdominal scan no problem so I'm sure you'll be more than fine!

I had a bmi of 29 with first baby and 31 with second. No one mentioned it apart from to say I would need a glucose test for gestational diabetes, which I would have had anyway as I carried big and have a family history (I didn’t have it either time).
Honestly don’t worry at all.

Focus on staying fit. That will do more for you than worrying about dieting too much. Good luck!

Oh and just to add as the pp said - they said at the beginning that I would be booked in for 2 extra growth scans at 32 and 36 weeks to check on the baby's size but they weren't judgemental about it at all

Thank you so much! I will report back after next friday and let you know how it goes. I am hoping that by putting effort in now then I will recover better this time and feel fitter to be able to look after two little ones which at the end of the day is all that matters.

@LyraVega that’s so good you have only put on 8lbs. Have you been watching what you eat? I think I had put on about 3 stone at 30 weeks with my first. I can’t let that happen this time.

ohh just realised it’s this friday that I have my booking appointment. Will be pleased once it’s done. Thank you again for all your reassuring replies.

3 stone isn’t bad, I put on around 4.5 stone according to my calculator converting from kilos. I did this every pregnancy. And the really strange thing is it didn’t matter what I did! I ate healthy for all four, and did not “eat for two”. I exercised a lot with my first pregnancy. Second pregnancy I was on bedrest because I kept fainting so did zero exercise. Gained the exact same weight! I compared week by week, exact same weight it was supernatural and weird.

Third and fourth pregnancies exercised moderately, again gained the exact same weight! The babies were a bit bigger with each pregnancy, but that’s pretty normal.

This is purely anecdote and sample of me, so not scientific at all, but I a, convinced I have a genetic switch inside me that when I’m pregnant my body will automatically gain the exact same weight no matter what. But the weight/numbers on the scale didn’t matter so much because the pregnancies where I was able to exercise I recovered so much better and faster from childbirth. I also felt a lot better about myself too. So exercise was a good thing.

I guess, I’m trying to say is don’t focus on the # of the weight you gain because it’s just one data point and it doesn’t represent all the good you are doing for yourself and your recovery. I don’t want you to be discouraged if you happen to be a weirdo like me and gain exactly 3 stone again!

I'm in exactly the same position as you OP. This is my second pregnancy, my BMI was 31 at booking and that made me the same weight as I was at 36 weeks with my first pregnancy so annoyed with myself as I lost all the pregnancy weight by the time my DS was 3 months old, but then put it back on because of comfort eating and WFH through lockdown.

So far everyone has been lovely to me about my weight. I'm nearly 20 weeks now. My midwife just recommended eating little and often (in the same way as my toddler eats) and "nourishing" myself. She has also said the only thing different this time because of my weight is that I have to have a fasting glucose test a bit later on.

They said at my 12 week scan that view was obscured by "multiple factors", not sure what those were tbh and one could have been weight, but also baby was in an awkward position (as was my first!)

Nothing to be ashamed of and although they class you higher risk for complications with a higher BMI you may not have any.

My BMI was 32 at booking with my recent pregnancy, no problems with scans. I have bad overhang after having huge twins via elcs before too. I continued powerlifting until 35+2wk and was back in the gym 10wk post c-section too. Dog walks reduced as my spd worsened. I gained most of my weight in the 1st 16wk with the nausea making me a carb loader then in the last few weeks when my activity levels dropped off. Slowly improving diet (less sweet stuff) to trim down and increasing volume in the gym.

Also OP a lot of women go on to have second kids without having fully lost the baby weight and nobody cares, as long as you're healthy and looking after yourself.

Oh hun please don't be embarrassed. I have a BMI of 31 and I'm pregnant with my first child.

After my booking appointment, I had a call from the 'Healthy Mums Team' who said that due to my BMI my midwife had referred me to them so that they can help me stay healthy in pregnancy. When I dug deeper, it appeared that my particular NHS Trust puts anyone with a BMI of over 30 into the FattyBoombaLatty Category and that triggers the Healthy Mums referral, regardless of whether you're like me with a BMI of just north of 30 or you're so big that you have to be lifted out of bed with a crane. Apparently, they make no distinction 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, this lovely Healthy Mums lady proceeded to give me her spiel about how important exercise is in pregnancy and how I should make the effort every day to at least walk to the end of the street and back as I'll be amazed at the difference it'll make.

This goes on for a while and then she asks me what I do for a living. When I tell her I'm a professional dog walker, there's a stunned silence at the end of the phone. I then tell her that because of the nature of my work, I walk about 40-60 miles a week. Oh and I do a Pilates class once a week too.

More stunned silence.

I asked her if I needed to do anymore exercise as, to be honest, between sleeping and eating, I'm not quite sure where I could fit any more in.

She agreed to send me some healthy eating recipes by e-mail instead 😂

So it's not all bad OP! I've found I'm getting a good chortle out of the "referrals" a BMI of 31 has triggered.

Best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy!

31 really isn’t bad I highly doubt anyone will say anything x

My booking BMi was 37-38. I have NEVER had an issue with a scan...they've all been clear as bell. BMI of 31 isn't generally considered high risk or anything.

I have always been treated with utmost respect and never had anyone shame me for my weight

@Harlequin1088
It's strange how lots of support for pregnancy and post natal is hugely infantasising - lots of aspects very patronising. Given you're growing a human and you're an adult woman - it's so bizarre and annoying.

I’m in the same boat. Midwife said I need a test for gestational diabetes when I’m 20 something weeks, because my BMI is ‘slightly raised’ which was a very nice tactful way of putting it, bless her. I mean I’m not massive but def overweight. Never lost any weight after first baby a year ago so this is the biggest I’ve ever been. I am a bit embarrassed but I’m going to try really hard to avoid GD!

My BMI was 32 at booking in. I was panicking as managed to get down to below 30 for fertility but it shot back up. I feared it would put me at high risk but was told they only worry if the BMI is 40 pre conception.